✧ baked by tiny ✧

Hyunjin liked to think that his marriage was still in the honeymoon phase. Most marriages still would be, anyway, right? It’s only four months in. Obviously, they’re still happy. Why wouldn’t they be? They’d had a picture-perfect wedding with all of their closest friends and family. They have weekly date nights, and they invite their friends over every couple of weeks for a game night. They’re a perfect couple, so why does Hyunjin feel like something is missing?

It’s not obvious, at least, not at first. It’s subtle, seeping into cracks in their relationship that neither of them even knew existed. There were times when it got just a little too quiet, and it wasn’t exactly the comfortable kind. No, it was the kind of silence that Hyunjin wanted to fill, even though his wife seemed more than content with it. He assumed it was just a problem with him, though. Maybe he was too in his head these days, or maybe he’d been too used to the boisterous personality of his former roommate, Changbin. Either way, he never put much thought into it.

Then, there were times when she’d ask him what he needed when he would’ve given her whatever she was looking for without her even having to ask for it. That’s not even in an emotional way, either. It’s more like they’ll be cooking together, and he wants to add a spice that will give the recipe some kick. She’ll question him, give him options, when all he wants is for it to be automatic, no words needed. 

He had that once, something automatic; he’d had it with his best friend. You’d never had to ask what he was looking for. You just knew, like your minds were connected, like it was a reflex. He supposes that was what he loved most about your friendship. Maybe that was why he’d always assumed he’d end up married to you, because things with you were easy, natural, but feelings had never gotten involved. He’d never had a reason to pursue anything with you.

Sure, he’d had moments of weakness, impulsive thoughts. There was that one school dance where he was so close to stepping in between you and your date before his girlfriend brought him back to reality. 

Of course, there was also one time in college where he almost slipped up. The two of you had been watching a movie when you’d gotten all sleepy on him and rested your head on his shoulder. He’d stared down at you for a few moments, thinking about how peaceful you looked, how that peace suited you. He almost let himself lean in, but you’d nuzzled closer to him, your nose brushing the side of his neck. It reminded him that he was just a safe space for you, someone who was steady, always there.

Still, though, having random little intrusions like that was normal. You’re an attractive person. Of course, he’d think about kissing you once or twice. It wasn’t like he was crossing any lines. Besides, he’d never thought about it again after that movie night incident. He’d met his sweet, gorgeous wife just a few weeks later, and she’d quickly occupied his mind and heart. 

So, why were you constantly creeping into his mind? Why would he think of you in the most random moments? How come every time you popped up in his head, he compared his wife to you?

It was like he couldn’t escape the memory of you. Every little thing reminded him of you now, of the friendship you once shared. Now, he can’t help but realize how much he misses that friendship. He thought it didn’t bother him much; people grew apart all the time. Recently, however, he’d been feeling the distance between you both, missing the times when he could call you without a real reason and still talk for hours.

The endless reminders weigh on him, day after day. He sees you on his couch when he laughs a little too loudly while watching a movie with his wife. He hears you singing along when your favorite sneaks into his playlists. He feels you, just for a split second, when his wife wraps her arms around him, almost thinking it’s you until she presses a kiss to his shoulder.

Eventually, his thoughts get the better of him. He’s already scrolling through social media. It’s normal to check a friend’s socials, right? At least, that’s what he tells himself as he pulls up Felix’s profile. It’s most definitely not because he knows that Felix still talks to you regularly. He scrolls through the posts, zooming in on every picture, but he’s not looking for you. Why would he be?

Still, he can’t stop his breath from catching when he stumbles upon a photo of you, three posts down, the seventh picture in the post. You had taken a short trip with Felix, apparently, a weekend away with a few other friends, most of whom he didn’t recognize. That felt weird to him, seeing you with other people and not having the slightest clue who they might be.

He ignores the pang that thought causes in his chest to continue his investigation of the picture. It was sort of dumb, the kind of picture you’d probably scold Felix for posting. He hates that he still knows you that way. He stares at it a bit longer, begrudgingly admiring the way the 0.5 zoom picture highlights your smile and that one little spot on your face that you always like to complain about.

He accidentally clicks on the photo, and that’s when it pops up: your tag, the perfect avenue to your account. It’s staring right back at him, taunting him, like the universe was dangling something impossibly valuable right in front of his face. He almost swipes away from Felix’s account, almost closes the app as a whole, but he’s not as strong as he likes to think he is. So, his thumb presses on the tag, opening your account. 

He scrolls… and he scrolls. He looks at every photo like it’s personally wronged him, analyzes every caption. It’s in the fourth post down that he recognizes a pattern, one that makes his stomach twist. 

There’s a man, tall, fit, so handsome it should be illegal. He’s been in all four posts, sometimes in more than one picture. He continues scrolling through your account, but now it’s to find more evidence of this mystery man, to see how close you really are with him. He finds him in almost every post.

Finally, he bites the bullet, pressing on one of the tags positioned over the man’s chest. Immediately, he’s judging the username. Fixon_n_on? What does that even mean? Why not just use his name like a normal person? Hyunjin lets out a quiet scoff before glancing up to be sure his wife hadn’t entered the room at some point. When he knows the coast is clear, he starts scrolling through the man’s account.

His name is Mingi, apparently, and you were also a repeat character in his posts. Hyunjin hates the way his chest tightens in jealousy. That used to be him. He used to be a feature in all of your posts, and you’d always pop up in his own. Now this guy is all up in your feed.

He swipes on the post he’s currently glaring at, trying to look at more pictures because, evidently, he enjoys angering himself. That’s when he sees it, the picture that drives the nail in his coffin. You were kissing Mingi on a boardwalk that looked way too romantic, and suddenly, the caption only consisting of a black heart emoji made more sense. 

Hyunjin felt sick. You’re just casually kissing this dude he’s never met? Okay, so maybe the kiss was just on his cheek, but that detail wasn’t all that important to Hyunjin right now. Your lips were on this guy’s skin, and now, Hyunjin was green with envy.

He wishes he could make better sense of it. The two of you were friends, nothing more, and then you both drifted apart after college. He was fine with that; he’s been fine with that, so why is he all torn up over you kissing some guy’s cheek? 

The picture haunts him. It pops into his mind when he and his wife are out on their next date night. It forces its way into his memory the next time he sees Felix, and he has to stop himself from asking if he knows Mingi. It creeps into his brain when he’s lying in bed beside his wife, holding her while he thinks of you loving someone else. 

Deep down, he knows what he’s feeling. He’s known for years now, probably over a decade at least, but he’s never admitted it to himself. Now, though, he’s not sure he can keep pretending it’s not there.

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