Think Skinny.

TW: Eating disorders, self harm & drug abuse.

I don’t know if any of my old followers are still around, even if they aren’t I’m still going to post this as this tumblr blog is pretty much my only outlet. 

It all started in September 2018 after a breakup that broke me mentally. I was broken and freshly out of hospital from a suicide attempt and I began to hate myself... Around this time, the “pro ana” movement was big on social media with many people talking about how awful and dangerous it was. I saw those posts and decided I would join the community. I basically willingly gave myself an eating disorder.

Months went by, I’d always been skinny but I began to fade away. It was like I was disappearing. I’d always had issues with food as a kid but it was never about being fat, it was more about worrying about getting sick.

By mid 2019 everyone thought I was better. I didn’t even know I was still sick but I guess starving myself had become so normal for me and I seemed happy so everyone just thought it was normal. 

Nothing much really happened for the rest of 2019, but in 2020 I began heavily abusing drugs (keep in mind, I was only 14/15 back then). I was dropping acid in the middle of nowhere, snorting pills and getting shit faced every night. Half of the things that happened in that era I don’t even remember.

It got to the point where I no longer went to school or even came home to see my family. So, my family finally decided to put me in an outpatient program. They’d run blood tests weekly and check my blood pressure daily until one day they noticed something...

My blood pressure was extremely high. Every time I would stand up my heart rate would reach 150BPM even though I was standing completely still. 

I spent months in and out of hospital. I was put on anti psychotics and eventually my weight reached 70kgs (around 155 pounds). I had stretch marks everywhere and I hated myself.

As soon as I was discharged for the final time I began starving myself again and not taking my pills.