Some people wanna watch the world burn...I'm not some.

If you are getting gender affirming surgery, especially if it’s your first major surgery, PLEASE be aware that you can become SEVERELY depressed afterwards ESPECIALLY if you have a history of depression or suicidal ideation.

Post op depression is a natural reaction to the crazy mix of hormones your body goes through after major surgery as well as the stress and anxiety of recovery. Think of it like an adrenaline crash, but dragged out longer.

For me it kicked in about 6 weeks after top surgery and the worst of it lasted until about 10 weeks post op. EVERYTHING felt IMPOSSIBLE. None of the skills I’d been practicing worked. I thought everything was going to be bad forever. I didn’t attempt, but I was in the hospital. If it wasn’t for my support system I probably would have attempted.

This is not regret, but it can feel like it. I remain happy about my results to this day (going on six years later).

This is not you failing to maintain your mental health, but it can make you feel like a failure.

Things are not hopeless, but through the haze of this depression they can feel hopeless.

It can be terrifyingly sudden or it can sneak up on you. I didn’t even realize what was going on until after the depression finally passed and my mental health went back to normal.

I am writing this post because nobody told me about this before my top surgery. I was caught completely off guard. For my subsequent surgeries being aware has made all the difference. Being able to treat those symptoms as an expected and normal part of the healing journey has made them far easier to deal with. Because even when my emotions go to dark places I *know* they will pass. I have been able to tell the bad thoughts to take a bad seat and focus on healing.

WE DID IT!! We survived two whole weeks offline and made it to the big day without ANY spoilers! That means I’m back and ready to bring you my amazing digital best! What does that mean? Tune in to find out.

I HAD THE BEST THEATER EXPERIENCE LET ME JUST SAY. Genuinely the best ending to any show or movie I’ve ever seen, and I will forever treasure getting the chance to see it in theaters 💖

Now with all that hoopla out of the way, all of my socials will remain a SAFE AND SPOILER FREE ZONE until the 19th when the finale will be available for everyone! Any spoiler-y comments on my posts before then will be handled accordingly (though I sincerely doubt I’ll have to worry about that) so don’t be a square!

波波鲨 媽媽好爱你 呜呜呜呜