Would people actually go “oh my god I should have appreciated her when she was alive” or is that just a dream scenario I’ve made up to cope with the fact that no one cares while I’m still here.

All of my safe spaces to talk about how much pain I’m in are being invaded by people who say they care but only say that when I’m actively screaming for help. No one cares in the consistent and quiet moments where I’m silently weeping. No one cares in the still moments when I’m faking a smile to mask my pain but still genuinely cheering on a friend in their accomplishments. No one cares until I’m out of my mind, desperately trying to send some sort of sign that I’m actually not okay, and even then, the responses are hollow and false, while others scroll by in disgust, imagining the cries for help as just calls for attention. If I wanted attention, I would want it for my creative endeavors, for my artistic feats, for my eloquent turn of phrase, but instead people see the cries of someone who truly does not know what the point of continuing is and think “well if she was serious, she would cut the long way”.

Sitting surrounded. H people who supposedly love me and all I can think about it how I’m so unhappy. Why am I like this.

Anyone telling me not to kill myself feel so selfish because it’s like if I’m not here you’ll be sad, but if I stay I’m miserable so

I think I honestly well and truly hate my life. I’ve never done anything

Honestly feel like the world would be better off without me in it

How is it possible to love so many people and things and yet hate living

Why do I even fucking bother.

I’m sick and tired of being expected to read people’s minds

I better never hear the phrase “___ or we’re done” EVER again

Literally what’s the fucking point of explaining my feelings and opening a dialogue as a partnership if you’re just going to shut down and not listen to how I feel.

Do you even love me or do you just love the idea of me.

I Don’t even want to exist anymore