Carcinization, babyyyyy

ISSUE 1445: wast3

Like, you bring an ancient Sumerian to my time, and he doesn't recognize anything, does he. My house is some weird thing with metal on the sides, my clothes are made from a cloth that he's never seen before, the road by my house is some freaky black substance, never mind fucking cars—and I am throwing a ball for an eager little sausage animal with no more legs than a ferret (her breed is Weird Dachshund Mix From Humane Society Whose Breed Guess Was Hilariously Wrong)—

And then she galumphs back with the ball all like, "Yaaay, rassle me for it!!!!" and I am like, please just drop your drool-covered ball so I can chuck it again, and she goes, "Noooo, rassle first!!!!!" and the ancient Sumerian is like—

Oh.

A dog.

* Do Men Ever Visit Boston (ranks of nobility)

* Daring Kings Play Chess On Grand Scales (Taxonomy)

* Every Good Boy Deserves Fudge (Treble clef lines)

* King Henry Died By Drinking Chocolate Milk (metric measurements)

* My Very Elegant Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas (pre 2006 planets)

* Never Eat Shredded Wheat (cardinal directions)

* Nuclear Restrictions Constrain Fishing and Sailing, People Say (marine right of way)

* Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally (order of operations)

* Richard Of York Gave Battle In Vain (colors of the rainbow)

* Some Lovers Try Positions That They Can’t Handle (bones in the wrist)

* “OP, how could you leave out [X]!”

* see results

Do we ever think seriously about how amazing it is that in Discworld, no female character ever gets fridged for the ‘benefit’ of a male character’s story arc?

I mean, it may not seem like a big deal until you remember these are actually 40 books and how incredibly common this is as a plot device in mainstream media.

Let’s take Sybil Ramkin (also known as dragon goddess of my heart) as an example. The one time she plays damsel in the series is in Guards!Guards when the King (actually dragon, actually Queen. Or maybe not. We shouldn’t presume on their gender identity) is going to eat her, and that’s because she was knocked out stone cold by several guards. Once she’s freed, she proceeds to kick ass and take names like you would expect from a dragon breeder, and you can also appreciate the fact that she kicks off probably the most practical courtship in the history of fantasy as a genre.

(also there was that time she knocked out a werewolf with a steel bar because they were holding her captive and apologized afterwards I swear to gods this woman)

And she is never fridged. Think about how easily most male authors would just go, ‘You know what? The protagonist isn’t having enough angst. Let’s kill his love interest.’

Then, tuppence more and up goes the donkey.

And she is such a positive force in the story! We start out with Vimes seemingly as a clichéd anti-hero cowboy-cop, the kind you’ll find in anything from Lethal Weapon to The Maltese Falcon. He is an alcoholic, utterly miserable and deems himself basically worthless. And then something (a combination of Sybil/Carrot/Vetinari support/scheming and Vimes’ own barely contained rage against the universe) kicks him in the pants and he gets character development like wowza! and we end up with a Lawful Good, incredibly clever (it never ceases to sadden me how he thinks he isn’t really that intelligent) protagonist with probably the strongest moral code I have ever seen in a fictional character. I mean, it had a mental/physical manifestation, for gods’ sake.

And they have this most elusive of fictional things; a marriage free of unnecessary drama and full of mutual respect and kindness, and she does her own thing with the dragons while he solves crime (she tends to help, though) and never is she killed off to 'advance’ his development as a character.

Because a) that would be a really gross (although frustratingly common) thing to do and b),

moreover they should be prepping the bite point with an alcohol wipe.

and while I’m at it, I’ve noticed a blithe disregard for health & safety when it comes to blood pacts. can’t believe I have to say this but you should absolutely NOT be cutting your palm open with the pocket knife from your belt holster (??????)