Carcinization, babyyyyy

me and a friend had a running joke about editing the gif of kermit and christian bale nodding at each other for a number of years, and i found the folder of edits and feel like this is maybe a place for them.

Friend of mine was submitting a job application and discovered that they REQUIRED a photo:

"branson reese, whoever you are" put some respect on the smooth sharks one fear man's name

In order to be properly non-pedophilic you have to want to fuck somebody old but not with gray or white hair because that's too close to blonde which as we've established is the hair color of children. So ideally somebody old as fuck but bald. And obviously wanting to have sex with a man is misogynistic so it has to be a woman. And it can't be a white woman because that would be racist and it can't be a woman of color because that would be fetishistic, so ideally a woman with some unnatural skin color, oh let's say, purple. But it can't be an alien, because we don't know anything about alien life cycles so it could be an alien child or an alien that looks like a child. So it has to be an animal from Earth, but obviously one of human level intelligence that can communicate is otherwise that would be bestiality. So an old purple female animal that can speak English. I think the only creature you can be hot for is the Ant Queen from A Bug's Life.