Emaciated Soul.

I DONT USE THIS ONE ANYMORE

i feel utterly repulsed by myself right now.

:(

I was all for giving recovery a go, but over the past few days I've just wanted to starve, I haven't, but wanted to so badly. I want to be thin, I want to lose weight, not gain. im feeling really low again, I'm still on home pass but back into hospital tonight.

It's me, Nicola. I'm out of hospital for the weekend and I'm doing ok, I'm trying to give recovery a go, I think. Things are hard but I have the want to get better. I had to add an extra '-' into my URL for reasons which I'll explain later. I can't spend much time online right now, and again I'll explain later. I just wanted to update you all, and I hope you are all well xoxoxo

yeah I am..

that's the reason I'm still alive

to keep me safe. not for an eating disorder, because of suicide risk.

it's not bad, it's just not 'normal'. but I feel the same.

5.

yeah. thats why I'm going along to these appointments today because if I don't the end outcome wont be helped any.

:(

they'll make me fat. they'll make me even more disgusting. my birthday is in a month, who knows how long I'd be in there for, my aunt is due her baby in a month. I can't be away from my little sister. I'm praying the don't put me in.

personality- that I'm caring.nothing else I like, at all.

I'm so so scared.