𝚃𝙴𝙻𝙻 𝙼𝙴, 𝙰𝚃𝙻𝙰𝚂

   ⬐ @elysiumhero ⬎

❛❛ I can’t sleep, not now, I refuse. They’ll grab me from my fluttering eyelashes. ❜❜

The last few weeks had been… rough. Making it back from the Omega-4 Relay was something none of them had expected. Truthfully, they’d all believed it would be a one-way trip. And that was the reality of the situation: no one had travelled through it and lived to tell the tale. They were the first. Throw in the fact that they’d just stopped an assault on another human colony at the hands of the Reapers—controlling a group of humans in batarian space, no less—and she could see why Jane was… struggling.

“No one is going to come for you. Of that, I can assure you.” The corner of her lips twitched into a brief smile. “I’m fairly certain EDI would have half a mind to lock down the ship if they tried.” And Miranda would happily stand in their way. She may have been wanted by Cerberus now, having painted a target on her back now that she’d turned on the Illusive Man and his radicalism, but she was safe enough on the Normandy. He wouldn’t be so foolish as to come after either of them while they were still on the ship.

"I had to choose." She says, in the end. Her lips purse momentarly before she flattens them once again. As she speaks, her voice quivers for a moment, before she steadies herself. "It was the only way. I watched as the explosion engulfed that place, as countless lives were lost. I did what I had to do, what I thought was right for the greater good. But it's haunting me, Miranda. The screams, the faces... I can't get them out of my head."

She could not risk the Reaper's invasion. It was for a greater good --- or so she tells herself to sleep at night. So many lives were lost, because of her. It doesn't matter whether or not it was for a good reason or not, she was the one to make the decision in the end.

Raising an eyebrow at her friend’s description of herself—undead, resurrected—Ashley did wonder just how well Jane was doing. What she was going through couldn’t be easy; coming back to life, finding out things had changed so drastically in the two years she was gone… Sure, some of the changes were positive—Ashley herself could certainly report positive changes—but not all of them were. Garrus, Kaidan… And that was just a few to note.

But at least Jane couldn’t fault her skepticism. That much was a relief.

“You did make a difference, though. Think about it, J. Even if you died, you did make a difference. Saved my ass… in more ways than one.” Now that she thought about it, she hadn’t talked much about that; most of her words after Virmire had been… less than friendly. It’d taken her until long after Jane’s death to really come to terms with it all, to see the state of mind she’d been in. It was more than just messed up. But she’d come back from it. She’d made a name for herself, all because someone had given her a chance. Someone had let her show what she could do, show what she was worth in the Alliance.

“I still don’t trust Cerberus. But hell, I don’t think I have to tell you that. Horizon? That damn Collector ship? They’re absolutely taking advantage of you. Taking advantage of the fact that you’re the person that’ll do the right thing. The person that’ll save people. That won’t leave anyone behind—even if it means risking everything in the process.” And that was the part she was worried about. It was the real reason she’d stayed, the real reason she’d agreed to work with Cerberus in the first place. It wasn’t to gather information on them, and it wasn’t on behalf of the Alliance. It was out of loyalty to her friend.

"Thank you, Ash." A small yet genuine smile curls her lips. "I know it's not easy for you to trust Cerberus, and I understand your concerns," Shepard replies, her voice steady and sincere. "Believe me, I had my fair share of doubts about working with them too. But when I --- came back, I saw how dire the situation was, and I was alone. The Reapers were a threat like nothing the galaxy had ever faced. The Alliance and the Council weren't doing anything to stop them. Cerberus was willing to take action, and I thought maybe, just maybe, I could use their resources to help fight for what's right." Which, she knows it's a questionable decision, but Shepard felt like there was nothing else that she could do. She felt almost trapped.

Shepard's gaze softens as she continues, "I can't deny that most of their methods are questionable at best, and I've made it clear that I won't tolerate certain actions. But I also believe that some individuals within Cerberus can make a difference, just like you did in the Alliance." Miranda and Jacob, for example. There's no hope for the Illusive Man, but she's seen them, she's seen what is under the surface. They're not bad people, and she's choosing to believe in them, to believe that they can change.

"As for the risks I'm taking, you're right. I can't help but feel responsible for stopping the Reapers and saving as many lives as possible." She flickers her gaze down, lips pulled in a tight line. "It's a burden I willingly carry, but I don't expect anyone else to bear it," Shepard continues. "And I certainly don't want my choices to put my friends in harm's way. I'd never forgive myself if something happened to any of you because of me." Just like what happened in the First Normandy. Many good people died for a misjudgement. She's not making that mistake ever again.

Shepard takes a deep breath, choosing her next words carefully. "I want you to know that your friendship means everything to me, Ash." She doesn't believe she's said this before, out loud. It's about time. "Your trust and loyalty have always been unwavering, and I don't take that lightly. If you ever feel that I'm going down the wrong path, I want you to call me out on it. Actually, scratch that." Her brows furrow, an intensity burning behind her gaze. Shepard needs an anchor, and she knows she can count on Ashley. "I need you to hit me over the head and yell in my face I'm being stupid. I need someone like you, who isn't afraid to speak her mind and question my choices."

The way he quickly applied the medigel canister to his armor was careful, as if he was biding time to think of a proper argument for why he wasn't grievously injured. "I won't," he grumbled. Another waver. She was trying to support his weight, and whether he was trying to or not Garrus was leaning on her shoulder.

"Garrus..." she's not sure what to say. She understands how he feels, and he's a soldier. Dying on the battlefield is the best outcome, and yet --- Shepard cannot bring herself to let him. She'd rather him to hate her for this decision, but for him to do so alive.

"I'm out-- if you've got any spare, that'd be nice, but don't waste your time with an extraction right now. I'll be fine. We're still under pressure here, Shepard..."

She punches another command into her OmniTool, handing him the last pack of medigel she had left. It won't suffice to completely heal it, but it should be enough to at least buy them time, and get out of critical conditions.

"I'll get the damn extraction, if it's the last thing I do. And I say that as your commanding officer." And her tone allows no rebuttal. Garrus is not dying on here, and not on her watch. They'll be fine without him.

   ⬐ @elysiumhero ⬎

“You have bewitched me body and soul.”

The moment Jane had mentioned a night in where they could relax in the hot tub at the apartment, Miranda had practically jumped at the thought. Sure, the apartment was gaudy as hell—and absolutely not her style—but she wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity to relax. Not when it was going to be just the two of them, from what Jane implied. She, of course, had done a little shopping on the Citadel, picking out a swimsuit she knew she’d enjoy wearing. It was a dark plum purple, low-cut in the front with cutout sides.

Miranda was nothing if not a show-off. This was no different; the way Jane stared at her told her everything she needed to know.

“Bewitched you, hmm?” The purr in her voice was evident as her face remained mere inches from Jane’s, blue eyes glimmering with a hint of mischief. “You make me sound so… alluring. I mean, my looks do more than enough, but the rest…” the rest was all her. Her personality, her intelligence… the way she conducted herself, all of those things she’d come to accept were her own. Sure, her father had paid for her education, but she’d put it to use in ways he likely hadn’t expected.

“Is there something you want, Commander?” The use of Jane’s title was intentional; every syllable was punctuated as she every-so-innocently fluttered her eyelashes like she didn’t know what was being implied. She could keep up the innocence for a while, even though her choice of swimwear made it very clear she knew what the implications were. It wasn’t going to stop her from giving Jane the chance to make them clear, though.

"Well, I have to admit that your allure is quite… undeniable," Shepard replies, a playful twinkle in her eyes. "And you're right, there might be a slight ulterior motive behind my invitation. I mean, who could resist the opportunity to spend a night in a hot tub with such a stunning and intriguing woman like yourself?" She spreads her arms, before shrugging. Honesty never failed her before, and while she doesn't want to come across as overbearing with compliments, that is simply the truth.

Shepard can't help but let out a nervous chuckle, trying to lighten the mood as she continues, "I promise, my intentions aren't solely focused on being bewitched by your irresistible presence. I'm genuinely looking forward to unwinding and enjoying some quality time with you. And, uh, I must say, that swimsuit of yours…" She clears her throat. When she first saw it, she'll admit she had a difficult time and getting her gaze to cooperate and to look at the woman in the eyes. "It's absolutely stunning. You have impeccable taste, as always."

Shepard can't hide her slight awkwardness, but she is clearly receptive to Miranda's attentions, finding them both flattering and exciting. She respects Miranda's intelligence and admires her confidence, and while the situation might have caught her off guard, she is eager to see where the evening will lead them.

@elysiumhero asked:

“  i learned the only thing i can believe in is me.  i have faith in myself.  that’s how i survived.  ”

Words that Ashley could relate to, that was for sure. This had to be one of the few times Jane had talked about Akuze; it was one of the few things they could both relate to, given her experiences on Eden Prime. Now, the fact that she’d died, come back to life, and was dealing with that… it was a whole other scenario. But it was a lot for Ashley to think about, a lot for her to consider.

“Words I wish I’d heard from you two years ago, honestly,” Ashley admitted. Words she certainly could have used to motivate herself, that was for sure. Granted, she’d found her own way to do that–a way she was still, at times, struggling with–but she’d managed, somehow. She’d managed to pull herself up and out of the rut that she’d wallowed in for so many years, staring up at the glass ceiling imposed by the military.

Looking out over the lakes that gave the Presidium its bright, distracting nature, Ashley pursed her lips, knowing she wanted to choose her next words carefully. “Look… I don’t know if it helps, even though I hope it will, but—I’m sorry. For… for what I said, on Freedom’s Progress.” She knew she needed to talk more on that, but there was only so much she could say. “It was a lot to take in, and… god, the thought of Cerberus using you to screw with us? It pissed me off, and I took that out on you. And I knew you’d be mad, too. Even if this whole—thing with you is pretty wild, still.” Wild was putting it mildly. Wild. Weird. Uncanny.

"Well, Ash, I guess the galaxy is just full of missed opportunities and strange twists of fate. But hey, better late than never, right? I'm glad you've come around and given this whole... undead, resurrected, Commander Shepard thing a chance." Shepard chuckles, shaking her head in disbelief at her own situation. If only Ashley knew how long it took herself to get her head around, to fully digest the situation. Perhaps things would be different, but --- that is not something people can just understand, out of the blue.

"I appreciate your apology." She murmurs instead, voice low. It means a lot to hear her acknowledge the impact of what happened on Freedom's Progress. "You were right to be angry. Cerberus has burned us before, and I can't fault you for being skeptical. Hell, I'm still skeptical myself, even as I work with them now. But there's something bigger at stake here, something that goes beyond Cerberus." Something that the Alliance and the Council don't even believe in.

Shepard's voice lowers, carrying a touch of vulnerability. She flickers her gaze to the woman only for a brief moment, before settling it again on the calm water in front of them. She's not sure she can bear to open her heart and to look at her in the eye at the same time. "When I died and came back, it changed everything. I thought I had lost my chance to make a difference, to protect the people I cared about. Cerberus gave me that chance, flawed as they may be. And I couldn't turn my back on it, on you, on any of you."