Hello darkness my old friend

And maybe that is the cruelest part of all.

You left without ever knowing what you meant to me.

You walked away carrying nothing of my pain, while I remained carrying all of you.

Every memory.

Every hope.

Every unfinished conversation.

Every version of us that only ever existed inside my heart.

Sometimes I wonder if, in another life, I would have been brave enough to tell you.

Maybe then I would not spend my nights mourning a love that never truly had the chance to live.

Because grief is easier when something ends.

But what do you do when it never even begins?

What do you call the ache of losing someone who was never yours, yet somehow became the center of everything?

I have searched for an answer in sleepless nights and empty mornings.

I have found none.

All I know is that pieces of me still belong to moments you never noticed.

And no matter how many days pass, I still carry them like sacred ruins broken, abandoned, and impossible to leave behind.

There are nights when I press my hand against my chest and wonder how a heart can continue beating while carrying so much absence.

How it survives knowing that somewhere under the same sky, you are living a life that no longer has room for me.

And maybe you are happy.

Maybe your eyes light up for someone else now.

Maybe your voice softens for someone else.

Maybe your heart found the home I spent years secretly building for it.

And if that is true, I hope life is gentle with you.

I hope the world gives you every happiness it never gave me.

But God... I would be lying if I said it doesn't break me.

Because no matter how much time passes, there is still a part of me standing exactly where you left it.

Waiting.

@R e m e m b e r .

Not for your return.

But for the miracle of finally learning how to live without you.

And every night, before sleep takes what little strength I have left, my heart whispers the same goodbye it has never been able to say:

"I loved you in silence.

I lost you in silence.

And somehow, I am still grieving you in silence."

Because you were never just someone I loved.

You became a part of my soul.

And losing you did not feel like losing a person.

Sometimes a song doesn’t just remind you of someone — it drags the grief back into your chest like it never left. One lyric, one melody, one familiar line, and suddenly your lungs forget how to work properly. Your throat tightens, your chest aches, and for a few seconds it feels like your body physically cannot hold the amount of emotion trying to hit you all at once.

Music is cruel like that because it bypasses logic completely. You can spend months convincing yourself you’re okay, healing, moving on, surviving — then a single song plays in a grocery store, late at night in the car, or through headphones when you’re already vulnerable, and suddenly every memory comes flooding back in full color. The way they sounded. The way they left. The things you wish you’d said. The version of yourself that existed when they were still there.

And the worst part is how involuntary it is. You don’t choose the ache. It just happens. Your heart recognizes the grief before your brain even catches up. Some songs become emotional landmines — beautiful, devastating little time machines capable of ripping open wounds you thought had scarred over years ago.

I have always wished you happiness, even when you were saying that happiness isn't everything.

I wish you all the happiness in the world even when it does not include me anymore.

It didn't feel like this at the beginning.

At the beginning it felt perfect, amazing, light and beautiful.

If it doesn't hurt at all, then it doesn't mean a thing..

I carry a big heart—and sometimes, it feels more like a burden than a gift. I think too deeply, replaying moments long after they’ve passed. I apologize even when I’ve done nothing wrong, as if I’m responsible for every discomfort in the room. I forgive more than I should, holding onto people who have already let go of me. I invest my energy, my care, and my emotions into those who barely notice, or worse, don’t value it at all.

I often find myself feeling guilty for things completely outside my control, as if I should have somehow done more, been more, fixed more. There’s this constant urge in me to heal others, to save them from their pain—even when I’m quietly drowning in my own. I put people back together while parts of me are still falling apart, unnoticed.

I love deeply—perhaps too deeply for this world at times. And in that depth, there’s a loneliness that’s hard to explain. It’s the kind of loneliness that doesn’t come from being alone, but from wondering if anyone will ever truly understand the way I feel, the way I think, or the way I see the world. I question whether I’ll ever meet someone who carries the same emotional intensity, someone who values connection the way I do.

I don’t see myself as perfect—far from it. I know my flaws, I face them every day. But one thing I’m certain of is this: my heart is real, it is open, and it is full. And even if it hurts sometimes, I would rather feel deeply than not feel at all.

I just wish for us not to become complete strangers. Maybe not to stay friends, but something else... Something with history, with deep love and care that we had for each other.

I just wish that I could pick up my phone, call you and say "Hey, how are you?". And to hear you telling me how is your life going. And to be happy for you.

I've loved deeply, broke quietly and healed slowly 💔 Maybe even too slow