Sooner Than Later

They were glorious boys. Boys who had made themselves into men and boys who smiled frequently from accomplishment. They were perfect boys. And I thought that these boys could be perfect for me. So I gave them a cautious side glance. Noted their attire from head to toe without ordinary, dull conversation. Every demeanor was analyzed, every move a small truth. These clues I gathered and saved; faith was to be restored once more. I stepped closer until I was a breath away. I looked first at the lips, then at the brows. I touched marvelous hair. I ran my fingers down neatly buttoned shirts. I saw my perfume work its magic; a shiver that quickens heartbeat. I let my locks graze bare skin ever so gently… Ever so slightly. I took a finger and traced my own tinted lips, felt rough hands touch what hadn’t been given in so long. Sighs became heavy and I was lost in a trance set by myself… for myself. Yet I had to ask. I know not why, but I had to ask. I whispered, barely audible. I prayed that a miracle would stop the words from falling out. “Tell me beautiful things about your last, grand love”. It took them all by surprise, these perfect boys of mine. Some remained speechless, others made feeble attempts at redeeming their composure. But it was too late. I had already walked back into the crowd. I knew not of what I searched for. Perhaps the discovery of an exceptional mind with magnificent dreams. A fantasy which allowed me to love unconditionally and fabricate shamelessly. But each time I was defeated by reality. If it was once it can be again: A man with an imagination beyond my own

I saved myself. During which I left behind a dear friend. An individual with spectacular qualities, a glowing potential so radiant you’d confuse him for all that he was not. Someone with everything, someone who could have been everything. How did I manage to retain nothing of everything? I saved myself. But why?

Is it completely wrong I wanna lust on u. N nobody else . I'll take what I can get out of you. We unstable U makin me nervous Only love me when lay next to u. N i'll forget u the day after ...

They’d say he’s boring. Whispers were heard here and there about his bland exterior or dull conversations. Girls complained about his lack of excitement only to be fooled into thinking that he was a vacant mind. Critics followed his every move, so he kept it… simple. “I wear the same white t-shirt, jeans and pair of vans everyday. They can say what they want… but at least they can’t categorize me.” The boring, dull boy remained unaware of his brilliant deductions. To be bleak and bare; he had won a freedom they knew not of. And thus he never belonged, to anyone but himself.

“Who’s that boy in your daydreams?” His face, always blank. Vague, unsure of his identity. Yet he lays next to me in my sleep. Close enough for me to put an arm around his waist and bury my face deep into his chest. Warm… familiar. Clues of the past intertwined with hopes of a brilliant future. A nature that values generously and, in return, is valued effortlessly. He keeps me safe; my protector. A mysterious angel watching all that I cannot see. I don’t need him to touch me, hug me, or kiss me. This presence allows a restless mind to sleep. His unspoken love… saved me. I yearn him so dearly. But who is this boy in my daydreams?

You can spend your entire life forgetting, you know? Blocking out moments, contorting them into memories that have a place in your future. You’ll catch yourself at times, but rest easy knowing that it’s for a greater good. A higher purpose. A grand destiny. The visuals disappear, the reminiscing becomes pointless. But the sadness… the sadness will leak through. It will simply be… an anomaly. A faceless, timeless and inexplicable sadness.