Band-aids Don't Fix Bullet Holes

We need a more inclusive awareness about depression.

When depression is described, it usually (but not always) amounts to variations of ‘feeling sad’. But I don’t ‘feel sad’, so I spent ten years thinking that I was just super lazy and undisciplined.

Then, someone made an effort to point out that I might have depression. Had I never been introduced to the more ‘obscure’ symptoms, I never would have realized that I was worrying about the wrong things.

For some people, depression amounts to;

A bleak outlook on your life - feelings of hopelessness and disinterest in your future.

Persistent and chronic feelings of ‘sadness’ and ‘helplessness’

Thoughts of suicide and/or self harm.

But for me, depression is NOT any of those. I have;

Daily physical and mental exhaustion, but also severe insomnia. I am yawning by mid afternoon, but I can only scrape an average of five hours of sleep.

Lacking the ability to consciously construct a train of thought (without great effort). This prevents me from doing schoolwork, household chores, or socializing.

Chronic restlessness and physical discomfort, which accumulates to general grumpiness and frustration 24/7.

Persistent body pains and aches, especially in my neck and arms.

An altered perception of time. I forget sentences as I’m speaking them. It’s difficult to tell if something happened two hours ago, or two days ago. Every waking moment just blurs into one big boring stretch of unsatisfactory.

You can’t muscle through depression. Things will not get easier the more you try to tackle them. You know a great treatment for depression? Accommodating to it. Making your life easier. Recognizing the things you can and can’t do. 

When I do get down and suffer from the typical “sad” symptoms of my depression, it gets really, really bad, and I have the hardest time digging myself back out of it - there are some people who have seen me at my worst and can attest to just how “classically depressed” I can become - but on a day to day basis, everything the OP describes is absolutely on point. That’s what it’s like, every day, and it’s garbage.