have courage and be kind

Sometimes, Jackie missed who she used to be before children.

There was a knock at the door, and Hayden jumped, "He's here," he whispered. "Oh god, Jackie, he's here."

Despite herself, she snorted. She loved her drama queen husband. "Yeah, your best friend is at the door. Are you going to let him in?"

"Right!" He hustled off, and she reached for another sip of her water, a nervous pit settling in her belly despite herself. Their voices echoed down the hall before they emerged into the room, Hayden high and panicky, Shane low and gentle with just a bit of confusion.

"Hi Shane," she greeted without getting up. He leaned down for a side hug, more than familiar with her reluctance to be on her feet following birth. He'd been there for every milestone the twins had after all, and he'd been the third person to hold Arthur in the hospital. It felt appropriate now, with what they suspected.

"Hey, Jackie," he said and then leaned over the bassinet to peer at her baby. "Hi, Arthur."

She patted the cushion next to her, and he sat. "We're eating on the couch today, hope you don't mind."

Shane shrugged and reached for a plate to load up, "It's your house." He cast a suspicious eye at Hayden, who had notably not sat down and was wringing his hands in the exact opposite of cool, calm, collected man, which was what he'd promised her he'd be when they were setting this up. "He's…good?" Shane asked.

"Eat your food," Jackie said. "Babe, can you get us some soda from the fridge?"

"Yes! I can do that." Hayden said, voice two octaves higher than normal. He coughed, "I mean, yeah, okay."

"So," Shane said. "This seems serious."

Jackie put a bite of sushi in her own mouth and shrugged to buy herself some time.

"Is it the kids?" Shane asked with a glance toward Arthur. "Are they okay?"

Jackie had always been charmed by Shane, and she was never reminded of it more than moments like this. Her husband had such good taste in friends. She half-smiled at him. "No, they're good. The girls are with my mom. Arthur had his one-month checkup yesterday, and the doctor said he was perfect."

"He is perfect," Hayden said as he came back in the room with their drinks. He'd grabbed himself and beer, and she swallowed down her brief jealousy. Breastfeeding suck and the worst part was not being able to drink when she got stressed. She didn't hold it against him, though, not for this conversation. "Way bigger than Ruby and Jade, the doctor said he's in the 90th percentile."

"That's great, Hayd," Shane said. Jackie could tell he meant it. He was such a sweetheart.

Hayden made eye contact with her, and she tilted her head towards the armchair. He took a seat, twisting the cold bottle between his hands but not actually drinking it. "Yeah, um, thanks, buddy."

Shane and Jackie polished off their sushi before Hayden worked up the nerve to speak again. They agreed he'd be the one to break the news to Shane. Did Jackie pull the freshly post-partum excuse to get out of it? Absolutely. Did she feel any guilt? Nope.

Besides, the threesome had been Hayden's idea.

"I got to say, Hayden," Shane said. "You're kind of freaking me out."

"Oh! No, no, no buddy, no need to freak out." Hayden paused. "Well."

The long pause did nothing to calm either man. Jackie sighed, "Babe, just say it like we practiced."

"Don't tell him we practiced!" Hayden protested, pink-cheeked, but she just waved her hand in a wordless get on with it.

"It's okay, whatever it is," Shane said. "I promise not to be upset— or mad? Just spit it out, Hayden."

"Alright, okay," Hayden took a deep breath. "You remember last year when we won the cup and got really drunk?"

Shane immediately flushed red. "I thought we agreed to never mention that again."

"Yeah, yeah, right, of course!" Hayden said. "It's just that… um. You know, Arthur… he doesn't really look like me?" Her husband's voice trailed off into a high squeak while Shane's eyes blew wide."

"What?" Shane asked.

Hayden hurried to add more, his previous reluctance nowhere to be found as he sped down the ice at full-collision, trainwreck speed. "Well, we didn't notice at first but he's got black hair like you and he's just a tiny bit darker skinned than Ruby and Jade were and Jackie noticed first but then I got to thinking and we were really drunk after winning the cup and I know we said we wouldn't mention it again, even though I had a great time really, and wouldn't honeslty mind a repea, I mean you two are my favorite people but ACTUALLY i know we had condoms but I was think we proably just didn't use them right or maybe forget its all a blur really, we were so drunk, but what I'm trying to say — what WE are trying to see is that we think maybe you are actually Arthur's bio-dad?"

In the sudden silence after Hayden's word avalanche, Jackie slipped noisily on her ginger ale. "I did a DNA test and Hayden didn't match," She finally said to Shane's wide-eyed panic. "You are the only other person I"ve been with."

Shane abruptly jerked his head over to look at the sleeping Arthur in the bassinet. It would have been a miracle he'd manage to sleep through that, but a month old and he was already used to sleeping through the twins' screeching. She tried to imagine looking at the baby through his eyes, all of a sudden realized you'd accidentally created a child, and she wondered if he was falling in love in a second, as she had with all three of her kids.

"Oh," Shane said quietly. "That's um, that's a lot. I'm…sorry?" He apologized like he honest to god didn't know what else to say. She wondered what answer she'd get if she asked what exactly he was apologizing for before deciding that was a meaningless road to go down.

"It's not your fault, Shane," Hayden said. "I mean, nothing has to change if you don't want it to. You're already Uncle Shane. You can just keep being… you. I mean," here her husband bit his lip. "Arthur is my son. Nothing is going to change that. But…" he looked at Jackie and then back to his best friend. "He can be yours, too. You just let us know."

"That's it?" Shane asked incredulously before turning to Jackie. "You don't want… I don't know, like child support?"

"Hayden's name is on the birth certificate, Shane. We don't need anything from you." Jackie said. "We want you in our lives, of course, you're family. But we have our own money, we don't need yours."

"I mean, I'm no Mr. Rolex," Hayden said. "But your dad was actually pretty helpful all those years ago, helping me set up my investments."

"Oh shit," Shane said, face drained of color. "We have to tell my mom."

Jackie and Hayden both paled with him.

"I mean…" Hayden started. "Do we have—"

Jackie cut him off before he stuck his foot in his mouth. "We can if you want to, but I think that really depends on how involved you want to be."

Shane nodded, and she could see the thought racing behind his eyes, planning and putting that analytical intelligence he was famed for to good use. "Yeah, no. I want to be involved. And if my mom found out we kept Arthur from her, she'd bury all three of us in a shallow grave," He shuddered. "Plus, she already loves the girls and Arthur…" Shane hesitated with a glance at the baby again. "I mean… he looks a lot like I did as a baby. She'd probably sniff out the truth pretty fast."

Jackie nodded. Yuna Hollander was one of the smartest and most perceptive people she'd ever met. Not to mention one of the most intimidating, and Jackie was regularly in the company of towering, thick-set hockey men. "Okay, then we tell her. Is she coming up for the next game?"

"Yeah."

"Okay," Hayden said. "So we can figure out what it will look like going forward, but, and this is the most important thing… the girls call me daddy. So dibs. Maybe you can be papa?"

Jackie laughed at the grimace Shane pulled. "…Yeah, that's gross, Hayden. Let's just table that for now, okay?"

"What's dad in Japanese?" she asked.

Shane blinked at her. "I don't know, Jackie, I'm Canadian." He paused. "We can ask my mom."