Nicolas de Lenfent

Naomi Campbell for Givenchy S/S 1997 Couture

[posted by rapture & bliss]

I’m sitting on the couch that means more to him than a baby’s bloodstain when the sun sets. Ready for anything he wants to give or take, as usual, wine poured.

He closes the door on Jeff’s face and sighs to himself. He’s lost any hand or semblance of control. What kind of master asks for leadership? Someone who will always be first violin, never conductor. The analogy makes him dive to the cot and let its small creaks and groans squeak his consciousness back and forth. After two hundred years, the tidy homunculus of a perfect little gentleman failed to rematerialize after Jeff’s struggles so thoroughly thrashed it. Instead, Nicolas sleeps underneath a level of consciousness he finally lets himself embrace.

I’m sitting on the couch that means more to him than a baby’s bloodstain when the sun sets. Ready for anything he wants to give or take, as usual, wine poured.

“Fuck you,” I growl again. “I earn honest money all on my own, I always have. He can pay his own goddamn bills now and I swear, /Nicolas/ I’ll drag you out into the noon-day fucking sun if you try to interfere with him.”

"So I will disabuse your faulty imagination, Jeffrey, and say I could kill your entire family and nobody would even pretend to hear Alexander’s protests. So think this year before you try to threaten something that will crush you in its sleep at its weakest moment.”

“You’re the only one who’s been playing,” I tell him. “Every night that I wake up alive I’m relieved. With you in the next room, I close my eyes wondering if they’ll ever open again. Why do you think I wait until the sun rises to sleep? And wake before it sets?”  

“You should always feel that way,” he says calmly with a reassured nod of satisfaction, “especially after you are dead.”

“Why does it have to be that way? Why do you have to have to threaten me, tease me, fucking torture me all the time, huh? Can’t we just...” I make a gesture between us, “truce? Sometimes it almost feels like we get along! I can’t tell what’s a trick and what’s a test anymore, can’t you just trust that...that my fucking life is on the line here and I’m not going to screw this up for anything? Can’t you just let me be here for you?” 

His vision blurs red. “You couldn’t possibly understand. It’s just the way of the world.”

“I’m tired,” he announces, before he turns back and adds cryptically. “I don’t want them to know. But if you think I want you and I like you, how does it sound when you tell me you don’t feel the same? Do you think it sounds good? Something to be proud of?”

“Is it very hard for you to not just kill me?” I accuse him of it more quietly. “You wring out my nerves and threaten the only person who means anything to me. We don’t have to be cruel to each other. I want this to be good for us. I want to care for you, I don’t want to fight with you. It doesn’t have to be this way.”

“No, the last person who—no, I don’t know any other way,” replies the vampire, suddenly hiding his hands behind his back, looking like a caught schoolboy with his shoulders back. “You don’t even like me and you want to care for me?”

I blow air through my nose. “I don’t hate you, but you’re going to drive me insane by the end of the year if we keep this up. It’s been two weeks and...if I didn’t know what you taste like too, I’m sure I’d be dead.”

“I think I know what you’re trying to show me about your world. But...can’t it be easier, at least between us? I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t think you wanted it too. Aren’t we...afforded some kind of luxury? Because of the contract? We have to spend this year together...are you really going to spending it trying your very best to break me?” 

“Would you really drag me into the sun? In my own home?”

“If you tried to hurt Jamie?” I lift a shoulder. “I’d do anything for him.” 

“He refused to make me like him. He doesn’t care what happens to me, as long as he doesn’t have to be responsible.” 

I’m sitting on the couch that means more to him than a baby’s bloodstain when the sun sets. Ready for anything he wants to give or take, as usual, wine poured.

“Fuck you,” I growl again. “I earn honest money all on my own, I always have. He can pay his own goddamn bills now and I swear, /Nicolas/ I’ll drag you out into the noon-day fucking sun if you try to interfere with him.”

"So I will disabuse your faulty imagination, Jeffrey, and say I could kill your entire family and nobody would even pretend to hear Alexander’s protests. So think this year before you try to threaten something that will crush you in its sleep at its weakest moment.”

“You’re the only one who’s been playing,” I tell him. “Every night that I wake up alive I’m relieved. With you in the next room, I close my eyes wondering if they’ll ever open again. Why do you think I wait until the sun rises to sleep? And wake before it sets?”  

“You should always feel that way,” he says calmly with a reassured nod of satisfaction, “especially after you are dead.”

“Why does it have to be that way? Why do you have to have to threaten me, tease me, fucking torture me all the time, huh? Can’t we just...” I make a gesture between us, “truce? Sometimes it almost feels like we get along! I can’t tell what’s a trick and what’s a test anymore, can’t you just trust that...that my fucking life is on the line here and I’m not going to screw this up for anything? Can’t you just let me be here for you?” 

His vision blurs red. “You couldn’t possibly understand. It’s just the way of the world.”

“I’m tired,” he announces, before he turns back and adds cryptically. “I don’t want them to know. But if you think I want you and I like you, how does it sound when you tell me you don’t feel the same? Do you think it sounds good? Something to be proud of?”

“Is it very hard for you to not just kill me?” I accuse him of it more quietly. “You wring out my nerves and threaten the only person who means anything to me. We don’t have to be cruel to each other. I want this to be good for us. I want to care for you, I don’t want to fight with you. It doesn’t have to be this way.”

“No, the last person who—no, I don’t know any other way,” replies the vampire, suddenly hiding his hands behind his back, looking like a caught schoolboy with his shoulders back. “You don’t even like me and you want to care for me?”

I blow air through my nose. “I don’t hate you, but you’re going to drive me insane by the end of the year if we keep this up. It’s been two weeks and...if I didn’t know what you taste like too, I’m sure I’d be dead.”

“I think I know what you’re trying to show me about your world. But...can’t it be easier, at least between us? I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t think you wanted it too. Aren’t we...afforded some kind of luxury? Because of the contract? We have to spend this year together...are you really going to spending it trying your very best to break me?” 

“Would you really drag me into the sun? In my own home?”

“If you tried to hurt Jamie?” I lift a shoulder. “I’d do anything for him.” 

I’m sitting on the couch that means more to him than a baby’s bloodstain when the sun sets. Ready for anything he wants to give or take, as usual, wine poured.

“Fuck you,” I growl again. “I earn honest money all on my own, I always have. He can pay his own goddamn bills now and I swear, /Nicolas/ I’ll drag you out into the noon-day fucking sun if you try to interfere with him.”

"So I will disabuse your faulty imagination, Jeffrey, and say I could kill your entire family and nobody would even pretend to hear Alexander’s protests. So think this year before you try to threaten something that will crush you in its sleep at its weakest moment.”

“You’re the only one who’s been playing,” I tell him. “Every night that I wake up alive I’m relieved. With you in the next room, I close my eyes wondering if they’ll ever open again. Why do you think I wait until the sun rises to sleep? And wake before it sets?”  

“You should always feel that way,” he says calmly with a reassured nod of satisfaction, “especially after you are dead.”

“Why does it have to be that way? Why do you have to have to threaten me, tease me, fucking torture me all the time, huh? Can’t we just...” I make a gesture between us, “truce? Sometimes it almost feels like we get along! I can’t tell what’s a trick and what’s a test anymore, can’t you just trust that...that my fucking life is on the line here and I’m not going to screw this up for anything? Can’t you just let me be here for you?” 

His vision blurs red. “You couldn’t possibly understand. It’s just the way of the world.”

“I’m tired,” he announces, before he turns back and adds cryptically. “I don’t want them to know. But if you think I want you and I like you, how does it sound when you tell me you don’t feel the same? Do you think it sounds good? Something to be proud of?”

“Is it very hard for you to not just kill me?” I accuse him of it more quietly. “You wring out my nerves and threaten the only person who means anything to me. We don’t have to be cruel to each other. I want this to be good for us. I want to care for you, I don’t want to fight with you. It doesn’t have to be this way.”

“No, the last person who—no, I don’t know any other way,” replies the vampire, suddenly hiding his hands behind his back, looking like a caught schoolboy with his shoulders back. “You don’t even like me and you want to care for me?”

I blow air through my nose. “I don’t hate you, but you’re going to drive me insane by the end of the year if we keep this up. It’s been two weeks and...if I didn’t know what you taste like too, I’m sure I’d be dead.”

“I think I know what you’re trying to show me about your world. But...can’t it be easier, at least between us? I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t think you wanted it too. Aren’t we...afforded some kind of luxury? Because of the contract? We have to spend this year together...are you really going to spending it trying your very best to break me?” 

“Would you really drag me into the sun? In my own home?”

I’m sitting on the couch that means more to him than a baby’s bloodstain when the sun sets. Ready for anything he wants to give or take, as usual, wine poured.

“Fuck you,” I growl again. “I earn honest money all on my own, I always have. He can pay his own goddamn bills now and I swear, /Nicolas/ I’ll drag you out into the noon-day fucking sun if you try to interfere with him.”

"So I will disabuse your faulty imagination, Jeffrey, and say I could kill your entire family and nobody would even pretend to hear Alexander’s protests. So think this year before you try to threaten something that will crush you in its sleep at its weakest moment.”

“You’re the only one who’s been playing,” I tell him. “Every night that I wake up alive I’m relieved. With you in the next room, I close my eyes wondering if they’ll ever open again. Why do you think I wait until the sun rises to sleep? And wake before it sets?”  

“You should always feel that way,” he says calmly with a reassured nod of satisfaction, “especially after you are dead.”

“Why does it have to be that way? Why do you have to have to threaten me, tease me, fucking torture me all the time, huh? Can’t we just...” I make a gesture between us, “truce? Sometimes it almost feels like we get along! I can’t tell what’s a trick and what’s a test anymore, can’t you just trust that...that my fucking life is on the line here and I’m not going to screw this up for anything? Can’t you just let me be here for you?” 

His vision blurs red. “You couldn’t possibly understand. It’s just the way of the world.”

“I’m tired,” he announces, before he turns back and adds cryptically. “I don’t want them to know. But if you think I want you and I like you, how does it sound when you tell me you don’t feel the same? Do you think it sounds good? Something to be proud of?”

“Is it very hard for you to not just kill me?” I accuse him of it more quietly. “You wring out my nerves and threaten the only person who means anything to me. We don’t have to be cruel to each other. I want this to be good for us. I want to care for you, I don’t want to fight with you. It doesn’t have to be this way.”

“No, the last person who—no, I don’t know any other way,” replies the vampire, suddenly hiding his hands behind his back, looking like a caught schoolboy with his shoulders back. “You don’t even like me and you want to care for me?”

I blow air through my nose. “I don’t hate you, but you’re going to drive me insane by the end of the year if we keep this up. It’s been two weeks and...if I didn’t know what you taste like too, I’m sure I’d be dead.”

I’m sitting on the couch that means more to him than a baby’s bloodstain when the sun sets. Ready for anything he wants to give or take, as usual, wine poured.

“Fuck you,” I growl again. “I earn honest money all on my own, I always have. He can pay his own goddamn bills now and I swear, /Nicolas/ I’ll drag you out into the noon-day fucking sun if you try to interfere with him.”

"So I will disabuse your faulty imagination, Jeffrey, and say I could kill your entire family and nobody would even pretend to hear Alexander’s protests. So think this year before you try to threaten something that will crush you in its sleep at its weakest moment.”

“You’re the only one who’s been playing,” I tell him. “Every night that I wake up alive I’m relieved. With you in the next room, I close my eyes wondering if they’ll ever open again. Why do you think I wait until the sun rises to sleep? And wake before it sets?”  

“You should always feel that way,” he says calmly with a reassured nod of satisfaction, “especially after you are dead.”

“Why does it have to be that way? Why do you have to have to threaten me, tease me, fucking torture me all the time, huh? Can’t we just...” I make a gesture between us, “truce? Sometimes it almost feels like we get along! I can’t tell what’s a trick and what’s a test anymore, can’t you just trust that...that my fucking life is on the line here and I’m not going to screw this up for anything? Can’t you just let me be here for you?” 

His vision blurs red. “You couldn’t possibly understand. It’s just the way of the world.”

“I’m tired,” he announces, before he turns back and adds cryptically. “I don’t want them to know. But if you think I want you and I like you, how does it sound when you tell me you don’t feel the same? Do you think it sounds good? Something to be proud of?”

“Is it very hard for you to not just kill me?” I accuse him of it more quietly. “You wring out my nerves and threaten the only person who means anything to me. We don’t have to be cruel to each other. I want this to be good for us. I want to care for you, I don’t want to fight with you. It doesn’t have to be this way.”

“No, the last person who—no, I don’t know any other way,” replies the vampire, suddenly hiding his hands behind his back, looking like a caught schoolboy with his shoulders back. “You don’t even like me and you want to care for me?”

I’m sitting on the couch that means more to him than a baby’s bloodstain when the sun sets. Ready for anything he wants to give or take, as usual, wine poured.

“Fuck you,” I growl again. “I earn honest money all on my own, I always have. He can pay his own goddamn bills now and I swear, /Nicolas/ I’ll drag you out into the noon-day fucking sun if you try to interfere with him.”

"So I will disabuse your faulty imagination, Jeffrey, and say I could kill your entire family and nobody would even pretend to hear Alexander’s protests. So think this year before you try to threaten something that will crush you in its sleep at its weakest moment.”

“You’re the only one who’s been playing,” I tell him. “Every night that I wake up alive I’m relieved. With you in the next room, I close my eyes wondering if they’ll ever open again. Why do you think I wait until the sun rises to sleep? And wake before it sets?”  

“You should always feel that way,” he says calmly with a reassured nod of satisfaction, “especially after you are dead.”

“Why does it have to be that way? Why do you have to have to threaten me, tease me, fucking torture me all the time, huh? Can’t we just...” I make a gesture between us, “truce? Sometimes it almost feels like we get along! I can’t tell what’s a trick and what’s a test anymore, can’t you just trust that...that my fucking life is on the line here and I’m not going to screw this up for anything? Can’t you just let me be here for you?” 

His vision blurs red. “You couldn’t possibly understand. It’s just the way of the world.”

“I’m tired,” he announces, before he turns back and adds cryptically. “I don’t want them to know. But if you think I want you and I like you, how does it sound when you tell me you don’t feel the same? Do you think it sounds good? Something to be proud of?”

I’m sitting on the couch that means more to him than a baby’s bloodstain when the sun sets. Ready for anything he wants to give or take, as usual, wine poured.

“Fuck you,” I growl again. “I earn honest money all on my own, I always have. He can pay his own goddamn bills now and I swear, /Nicolas/ I’ll drag you out into the noon-day fucking sun if you try to interfere with him.”

"So I will disabuse your faulty imagination, Jeffrey, and say I could kill your entire family and nobody would even pretend to hear Alexander’s protests. So think this year before you try to threaten something that will crush you in its sleep at its weakest moment.”

“You’re the only one who’s been playing,” I tell him. “Every night that I wake up alive I’m relieved. With you in the next room, I close my eyes wondering if they’ll ever open again. Why do you think I wait until the sun rises to sleep? And wake before it sets?”  

“You should always feel that way,” he says calmly with a reassured nod of satisfaction, “especially after you are dead.”

“Why does it have to be that way? Why do you have to have to threaten me, tease me, fucking torture me all the time, huh? Can’t we just...” I make a gesture between us, “truce? Sometimes it almost feels like we get along! I can’t tell what’s a trick and what’s a test anymore, can’t you just trust that...that my fucking life is on the line here and I’m not going to screw this up for anything? Can’t you just let me be here for you?” 

His vision blurs red. “You couldn’t possibly understand. It’s just the way of the world.”

I’m sitting on the couch that means more to him than a baby’s bloodstain when the sun sets. Ready for anything he wants to give or take, as usual, wine poured.

“Fuck you,” I growl again. “I earn honest money all on my own, I always have. He can pay his own goddamn bills now and I swear, /Nicolas/ I’ll drag you out into the noon-day fucking sun if you try to interfere with him.”

"So I will disabuse your faulty imagination, Jeffrey, and say I could kill your entire family and nobody would even pretend to hear Alexander’s protests. So think this year before you try to threaten something that will crush you in its sleep at its weakest moment.”

“You’re the only one who’s been playing,” I tell him. “Every night that I wake up alive I’m relieved. With you in the next room, I close my eyes wondering if they’ll ever open again. Why do you think I wait until the sun rises to sleep? And wake before it sets?”  

“You should always feel that way,” he says calmly with a reassured nod of satisfaction, “especially after you are dead.”

I’m sitting on the couch that means more to him than a baby’s bloodstain when the sun sets. Ready for anything he wants to give or take, as usual, wine poured.

“Fuck you,” I growl again. “I earn honest money all on my own, I always have. He can pay his own goddamn bills now and I swear, /Nicolas/ I’ll drag you out into the noon-day fucking sun if you try to interfere with him.”

"So I will disabuse your faulty imagination, Jeffrey, and say I could kill your entire family and nobody would even pretend to hear Alexander’s protests. So think this year before you try to threaten something that will crush you in its sleep at its weakest moment.”

I’m sitting on the couch that means more to him than a baby’s bloodstain when the sun sets. Ready for anything he wants to give or take, as usual, wine poured.

“Mais oui, we have been playing with one another, to your great enthusiasm, Jeff! I’m going to get you every night and fuck my blood out of you, like you want. You know how you taste? How you sound, right now? Like a friend’s laughter, no?”

He’s insane. 

“Shall we compose a duet for you? Reunited with your brother in song? Perhaps this year he will wish to see you again.”

“No,” I look up at him, “I don’t want it if it’s magic. He’ll come around, but I’m not going to turn into an old man while I wait.” 

“Not without him,” I have to say, but my face feels hot and I don’t know if I feel safe. 

“We could bind the two of you together in the afterlife. Alexander must know some good witch-doctors. Little brothers must be reined in, and the two of you were one in the beginning. We could make you one at the end, too.”

“No. W...why would I want something like that? T-that’s insane.” 

“You imbecile,” he says with fondness. “Have more sense than parroting anything you hear from unqualified amateurs. Madness is a careful gift. This would be restoring order to the universe, split asunder and copied, made whole with some blood and magic of the flesh.”

“Just because I don’t want to grow old and die alone doesn’t mean I want to be the same fucking person!” I snap. “He’s got his own life that’s fine but fuck, he’s not--I can’t....I’m not gonna let him just go on for fucking...ever...all by himself! Fuck it, no way. He needs some space right now but no...no, no I won’t, I’m not--”

He laughs at his own little joke, and leaves for the piano to play a familiar song about identical cats.

“Ooh, you would hate me for it! You’d never leave me alone!”

I’m sitting on the couch that means more to him than a baby’s bloodstain when the sun sets. Ready for anything he wants to give or take, as usual, wine poured.

“Mais oui, we have been playing with one another, to your great enthusiasm, Jeff! I’m going to get you every night and fuck my blood out of you, like you want. You know how you taste? How you sound, right now? Like a friend’s laughter, no?”

He’s insane. 

“Shall we compose a duet for you? Reunited with your brother in song? Perhaps this year he will wish to see you again.”

“No,” I look up at him, “I don’t want it if it’s magic. He’ll come around, but I’m not going to turn into an old man while I wait.” 

“Not without him,” I have to say, but my face feels hot and I don’t know if I feel safe. 

“We could bind the two of you together in the afterlife. Alexander must know some good witch-doctors. Little brothers must be reined in, and the two of you were one in the beginning. We could make you one at the end, too.”

“No. W...why would I want something like that? T-that’s insane.” 

“You imbecile,” he says with fondness. “Have more sense than parroting anything you hear from unqualified amateurs. Madness is a careful gift. This would be restoring order to the universe, split asunder and copied, made whole with some blood and magic of the flesh.”

“Just because I don’t want to grow old and die alone doesn’t mean I want to be the same fucking person!” I snap. “He’s got his own life that’s fine but fuck, he’s not--I can’t....I’m not gonna let him just go on for fucking...ever...all by himself! Fuck it, no way. He needs some space right now but no...no, no I won’t, I’m not--”

He laughs at his own little joke, and leaves for the piano to play a familiar song about identical cats.

I’m sitting on the couch that means more to him than a baby’s bloodstain when the sun sets. Ready for anything he wants to give or take, as usual, wine poured.

“Mais oui, we have been playing with one another, to your great enthusiasm, Jeff! I’m going to get you every night and fuck my blood out of you, like you want. You know how you taste? How you sound, right now? Like a friend’s laughter, no?”

He’s insane. 

“Shall we compose a duet for you? Reunited with your brother in song? Perhaps this year he will wish to see you again.”

“No,” I look up at him, “I don’t want it if it’s magic. He’ll come around, but I’m not going to turn into an old man while I wait.” 

“Not without him,” I have to say, but my face feels hot and I don’t know if I feel safe. 

“We could bind the two of you together in the afterlife. Alexander must know some good witch-doctors. Little brothers must be reined in, and the two of you were one in the beginning. We could make you one at the end, too.”

“No. W...why would I want something like that? T-that’s insane.” 

“You imbecile,” he says with fondness. “Have more sense than parroting anything you hear from unqualified amateurs. Madness is a careful gift. This would be restoring order to the universe, split asunder and copied, made whole with some blood and magic of the flesh.”