yet again, here i am, thanking the universe i refused to let my fears get the best of me.

against all odds, i continue to make my life very beautiful

i just really can’t get over the universe, lately. for a solid year, i’m patiently waiting to stumble upon a dude to compliment my life again, right? and i am content in this waiting, though i didn’t have a clue who or what i was waiting for. i put in effort where it felt due and let the chips fall where they may. but i grew tired of all the odds stacked against me. so i gave up. and just as i did, i was given all i had asked for; this carefree mystic to explore. or relearn. i’m not sure. our time that came before was so short. and at my hand; can you believe that? he’s the only one i’ve ever hurt. and here i am, presented with the second chance. his soul is sweet. i was always sorry to have pushed it away. something in his eyes. a softness i’ve yet to know. a blooming rose i was too afraid to touch. thought i spent the last eight years bleeding, no good reason, but i have reached a conclusion: every scar my body is forced to hold was worth the moment. my soul aches for the fate my past selves have seen and still i cherish it entirely. i mean, how could the light have touched me if i’d never broken open? but still, if i sit here long enough, lonely with the weight of only my own light on me, it shifts. turns blood dancing down from hip bones again. my finest form of destruction has always been just spilling onto self —

the definition of sacrifice is the destruction or surrender of some thing for the sake of something else so i don’t blame you for being worried about my willingness to wander into the thick of this the definition of a favor is an act of kindness beyond what is due or usual so i guess i can no longer ask myself what the fuck it is that i’ve been doing here the definition of premonition is the anticipation of an event without conscious reason but it can also mean previous notice or warning so it’s no wonder i can’t count on my own hands anymore how many times i’ve already dreamt them up empty the only time i wake up crying is when they’re covered in blood and i can’t be sure if it’s only mine so if you didn’t know, the definition of bravery is the quality of having the mental and moral strength to face danger, fear, or difficulties and if you didn’t know, the definition of a sacrifice can also be the act of offering something precious to a deity