Dream Catcher

1. You and your friends will not traverse the same path in life and you would have to keep up with them: it is not easy. #WalangForever when it comes to friends. Believe me, some of them will just come and go.

2. Some of your loved ones will die, because yes, death is inevitable.

3. Success is not handed to you in a silver platter. You have to work towards your goals. It is not achieved by going through a straight line. It is going to be a bumpy ride. It will have lots of detours, at times you would think that it is a dead end, but no.. it is just a zigzag road that you would have to deal with no matter how ugly it is. If you think you already have your life figured out, THINK AGAIN.

4. You only have 24 hours a day. 7 days a week. 4 weeks a month. 12 months a year. You won’t be able to do all the things that you want to do in life because DUH, WALANG TIME.

5. You also won’t have all the things that you want in life. You have scarce resources and you have to learn how to allocate them properly/how to be contented with what you are blessed with.

6. LIFE IS NOT PERFECT BUT IT IS BEAUTIFUL. IT IS WORTHWHILE. It not being not perfect is its way of teaching us a lot of things. 

Remember the first time you set foot in UST? It was when your brother took the NMAT and you had ample time to roam the university. You were fascinated by it’s beauty, you loved every part of it. At a young age you already told yourself “I am going to study here.”, and every time you saw something that will remind you of the pontifical university you went all giddy.

Remember the time you took your USTET? You prayed “Lord, it’s okay if I won’t pass UP or La Salle, just help me enter the University of Santo Tomas. Lord please”. That time when you didn’t went to the rest room even if you had to because you were afraid you won’t be able to find your way back to the examination room. It was thrilling! Seeing thousands of exam takers, all wanting to enter the university. Your heart was racing right there, because after years of waiting, you are finally taking a step towards your dreams, towards your dream school.

Remember the time when the USTET results came out? You were in a leadership training seminar at that time, then you started receiving “congratulations” texts from your friends. You checked the website and yes, you passed! You were admitted in your first choice, AMV college of Accountancy. You were crying tears of joy back then!!!

Remember the time you spent researching about AMV days before you entered college? You knew right then that AMV is hailed as the Debarment Capital of UST, but bruh, you were determined. Instead of being scared, the facts about AMV thrilled you.

Remember your first day in college? It was scary and exciting and enchanting. Your professors warned you that you are entering something very serious and that is very different from high school. You were kind of jittery, but you took the challenge and had your game face on.

Remember your first encounter with Accounting? You knew you were in love with your program and that this love is going to be tough. You cried almost every after quiz, your grades were disappointing,  but you didn’t lose hope!

Remember the time you knew that you were exempted from taking the retention exam and that you will be in section 3A2? This moment is magical. You were screaming, crying, because of happiness. You couldn’t believe the announcement even if it is right before your eyes.

It’s already July tomorrow!!!! I am really not looking forward to any specific event or date but I am excited to see a better version of my self as the last six months of 2015 pass by. I decided that in order to be able to see a progress in myself, I need to write again. (I actually didn’t know that I made that decision until I typed this). I think that if i’ll have the ability to write a few words everyday, I will be able to discover and recover a part of myself: I will be able to know who am I and who I am not, I will be able to think about who I want to be and actually be that person, I will be able to rethink of who I am yesterday and decide whether I am still that person and if I still want to be that person today.

I just finished reading Paper Towns and it actually made me reflect on a lot of things including my identity. Am I also just a paper girl living in a paper town? Is this even the real me or just a mere reflection of my society? I actually thought about being as fearless as Margo. I want to be like her, I want to pack my things and go on an uncertain quest. But on second thought, I am happy that I am not like her. Because I have fears, I fear of being away from my family, my friends, my loved ones.. I cannot just leave them like she did. Yes, I want to cross out some of my fears.. I want to erase the fear of uncertainty, the fear of darkness, the fear of oblivion but one fear that I will never be afraid of having is the fear of losing my loved ones. Because it means that i’m alive, because I love. Aside from being fearless as Margo, I also want to know if there is a guy like Quentin who will be able to chase and follow me, someone who will be able to see through the cracks of my personality and understand my being as a whole. Someone who will see how wrecked I am but will still hold and love me as I am. And lastly, Paper Towns reminded me of my unquenchable thirst for travel!!!!!

Thus, the seven things that I want to do on my last seven months as a teen:

First and foremost,  I WANT TO TRAVEL. The world is so big and wonderful, I have to at least have a peek of it. These trips doesn’t have to be colossal. It may be just a trip out of town or even a trip around town, as long as it is a trip to somewhere i’ve never been to. Nothing will top a priceless trip with the people you love.

I want to understand the magical feeling of being alone. I am already turning twenty yrs old after 7 months, yet I am still so afraid of being left alone. I want to face this fear and I can only do this by knowing more of my self.

I want to unleash my potentials. I have to get out of my comfort zone. I need not to be the girl who only knows how to sing, to act and to be clumsy. I want to cook, I want to drive, I want to play an instrument, I want to ride a bike, I want to write. I want to be something more!

This one is a heck of a wish, but.. I want to excel in my studies. It would be nice if I can be able to prove to myself that I am not just in 3A2 by chance but because God put me in there. It would be very pleasant if i’ll be able to survive Financial Accounting, Cost Accounting and Law altogether.

I want to love. And make people feel my love for them. Haha yes, it would be very nice to give love a chance this time.

I want to make my last year as a teen count. I want to grow as a person. I want to dream and set towering goals in life while I am working towards reaching some of them. And as my motto in life goes, YOLO. I don’t want to look back and realize that I wasn’t able to try some things on my teen years. No regrets, just love!

I want to do the things that I want to do. I want to listen to myself this time. I will no longer be bounded by the limits that is set by our society but only by the limits that I will set for myself. I will no longer think of what other people has to say because if there is something that I learned in my 19yrs of existence.. that is: this is my life and I am in control.  

I may or may not be able to achieve all these, but I just want to become a better version of myself. That’s all. :)

Our thoughts are so beautiful.. I wish we could encapsulate all of them, bury it underground just to open afterwards! Or make a keychain out of it so we can carry it anywhere we go. We cannot.. but blogging is kind of like it so here it goes.

Last night, around 11pm, I was about to brush my teeth when my cousin blasted our comfort room with his fart. I sat down on our sala beside him while waiting for the smell to fade. (LOL) When I was about to leave, he said “patayin mo na yang tv”, I gave him a questioning look, he explained “Dito lang muna ko, magmumuni-muni lang ako sa aking buhay.” It’s funny.

THEN I realized that all of us really need that moment sometimes. 2hrs later, I found myself doing it too..

Its been a week since my ‘summer’ vacation started and I badly want to go on a trip. I envied everyone who filled their instagram feed with travel photos, those whose profile pictures were taken under the sea, those people who had the best days of their life during the entirety summer. I envied them because I was browsing the social media, looking at their pictures instead of making memories of my own. It is so hard to click the like button on the pictures of my loved ones because I know that I should be in that photo & in that moment, too. It is not easy to crave adventure, I tell you.

I don’t know what part of me brought the thought that answered all the questions and envy that I had in my mind. BUT I realized that I am where I am right now because of my decisions and that all of us want to do a lot of things in our lives (whether it be our passions, aspirations, dreams) but we can't do all of them because we had to decide what to pursue and which path are we going to take.

My cousin asked me to join their trip to Quezon but I had to refuse because that’s the weekend before our finals: I was not with them because I chose acads over them. My friends texted me when they went swimming but I refused because I was in Manila with my family: I was not in that moment because I chose to spend time with my family at that time.

Our decisions, big or small, made in the past or in the present, do have an effect on everything. THAT thought is applicable to every aspect of my life. Even on my love life, social life, religious life, shet, everything. (Says to self: bat ngayon ko lang narealize to?)

I have shared with you the struggles that I had last semester in this post and here’s another sneak-peek of my miserable yet fulfilling life as an AMVian.

This semester is absolutely harder than the last one. It is not just a test of our intellectual capabilities but also our emotional stability; pulling all nighters for countless times, lots of caffeine intake, post exams depression and a lot more. The shift in our academic calendar also added a kilogram of stress to the weight that we had to carry on our shoulders. We had to focus on our studies while our friends get to enjoy their summer vacation. “Tangina naman, oo.” We had to miss out on a lot of events, had to say no to a lot of invitations just because we still have an accounting quiz to focus on. That’s why the quest (lol) to attaining a grade of 2.00 in our Accounting course: Partnership & Corporation is another mission impossible for me. I needed a miracle to make it happen but once again, God made the impossible, possible.

There were announcements that results will be posted Monday, May 25 2015 but it was posted two days earlier. I was just scrolling on my twitter timeline at that time until I read the tweets of my blockmates regarding the results of the exam. I still couldn’t get my hands on the official list and I am still not ready to face the truth that’s why I didn’t make the effort of asking any of my blockmates about the result. I was just waiting tensely UNTIL a good friend of mine messaged me on Facebook saying “Congrats, bebe <3″ and an attached picture of the official list.

I literally run and jumped out of bed shouting “Maaaaaaa! Exempted akooooooooo!” I hugged my mother and we were on tears. It is really over, over, overwhelming. 

I AM FINALLY DONE WITH THE SEMESTER and everything was worth it.

UST CWTS Feeding program at Marilao, Bulacan last Sunday - March 01, 2015

I thought I have a lot of time in my hands, turns out I don't. I've always thought that I still have ample time to do the things that I couldn't do today because there's still tomorrow, the next day, the next month, the next year after this. Yep, i'm a procrastinator. It is only in this moment that I actually realized that time is running so fast. I've always thought of changing the world, helping the poor, catching up with old friends, travelling, getting fit, and a lot more.. only to realize that I don't really have the time to do all of them. Aaaaand it's sad. I seriously need to get my lazy ass up and start doing the things that I should have done before because it's already the second month of the 'new year' and I won't get any younger.

I have been a consistent honor student from elementary to high school, I even graduated as the first honorable mention of our class.. but the miracle that happened last semester was the greatest academic achievement that I obtained throughout my entire existence. I got a 2.00 (an exemption pass in the retention exam) in my 6 unit course, Accounting 1A&B. I had a lot of struggles on surviving and passing the course but I did it! And gaaaah, it feels so good.

It was a hard battle. I sacrificed sleep, hygiene, tears and a lot of time and effort and gaaaah, it feels so good to realize that at the end of the day, all the sacrifices were worth it. I thought I would lose this battle at first because if truth be told, my prelims grade is extremely low it could hit the ground. There are a few people who told me that my goal is impossible because if I was not able to do it in the first half of the semester, how can I do it on the other half? It hurts but I used that as an inspiration. I encouraged myself that I can, and I will. I even changed my twitter username to Marie Determinado to pose a reminder to myself that I am determined and that I will never give up on my goals, on my dreams. That's why after seeing my grade, it feels so good I want to shout "In your face, suckers! I did it!".. but I know it's silly and that there's no sense in boasting because I owe this one to the Man up there. But it really, really, really, feels great to be able to do something that someone told me would be impossible.

Philippians 4:13 which states "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" is also something that kept me going through the hell week, the hell month, the hell semester. (Yup, AMV it is) I kept on praying to God to guide me in pursuing this course if it is His will and to help me accept the truth if it is not His will. And yup, it is an answered prayer.. I can really do things if I put my trust in Him, even the ones others described as 'impossible'.