its so amazing that i live in a year where the sentence “be careful while going out and catching pokemon or the clowns might get you!” is valid

if you step on a person’s foot they open their mouths, just like trash cans.

LMAO WHY AM I STILL LAUGHING AT THIS

I swear I am not the only one who pretends to be in a how-to video while doing random things.

uber driver: hey how are you youtuber: STORY TIME: UBER DRIVER KILLED ME?!?!?

its my dream to be in a restraunt eating and hear Chef Ramsey yelling in the kitchen.

Me: “dad am i adopted?” Dad:no, ur David. why woud anyone name you ‘Adopted’? even if we wanted to, ur name was alredy David when we adopted you

you’re not too sensitive. you’re not overreacting. if it hurts you, it hurts you

My biggest regret in not being fluent in a second language is that I’ll never be able to surprise people talking behind my back with the revelation that I understood them the whole time.

~

i luv u 

J