Daryl-Will-Fight-Nature-For-Carol

Good morning, Carylers!  How are we feeling today?  I for one, am feeling great!  I didn’t get a chance to watch the entire episode, but from what I have seen from clips, Caryl is 100% coming.  

Also, this episode is yet another example of why reading spoilers from THAT site is always going to make you feel worse than the actual episode does.  This episode was GREAT for our favorites. 

Carol was gently playing with the bracelet Daryl made for her when Zeke found her.  He knew she’d need comfort, and he found her at Daryl’s old camp.  

The sex scene?  It was a GREAT scene, honestly.  Carol came to him, she saw the tumor, touched it, and he said he was going to tell her.  She called him on the bullshit in a callback to 07x02.  Then they kissed, he sat down on the bed, and she went to him.  Next thing you know, he’s sprawled all diagonal on the bed (go, Carol!) and she’s dressing.  She zips her pants up, and he’s all like “that was fun” and she said “fun was never OUR PROBLEM.”  

So yeah, they didn’t have a perfect marriage.  They had sex and they enjoyed each other, they raised their son and they lived that fairy tale life, but clearly it wasn’t enough for Carol.  

What REALLY got my interest was when Zeke said she’s changed, she has no sense of humor (well, duh) and she said she left it on a dresser back at The Kingdom and it BURNED.  Fire imagery.  It felt final.  Remember her talking to Daryl about versions of herself getting burned away over the years?  Remember him saying “we ain’t ashes?”  This relationship with Ezekiel burned away.  That fairytale life burned away.  It was escapism, it was nice while it lasted, but it was never what she needed.

The whole after sex conversation was very final, IMO.  It felt like two friends who used to be married having one last roll in the hay for old time’s sakes and then in the harsh light of morning, keeping a sense of humor about it but understanding it’s over and it’s probably not gonna happen again.

And Carol and Daryl’s scene was heartwrenching and beautiful at the same time.  He avoided her, and then she’s there asking him not to hate her.  I love how they framed the shot, how you see Daryl in the forefront, something rolling around in his mind.  You see her about to break behind him.  And he could have said it and not looked at her, but he turned and looked her right in the eye, and his voice was so soft, and when he told her he was never gonna hate her, the floodgates opened, and she began to cry.  YES, he walked away, but shit’s not settled yet.  I think she knows now that she can tell him anything, and he’s not going to hate her, and I’m speculating this is leading up to a very emotional conversation in 10x14.  

The scene with Zeke was sweet, honestly.  He does truyl love her, but it’s clear they’ve both changed.  The marriage they had was built on a fantasy.  It was a fantasy. And that’s over now.  

I don’t expect we’ll see Carol rolling around with Zeke in the future.  This scene didn’t HAVE to even happen, but it did, and the conversation was very, very telling.  I think this was Kang’s way of showing that yes, they still care about each other, but it’s not like that at all anymore.  Not for Carol, anyway.

She’s still not in a good place.  She’s still smoking.  But she mended things a little with Ezekiel, had a chat with Lydia that was better than avoidance, and then she approached Daryl at the gravesite.  But things aren’t mended yet.  I think 10x14 will be huge for them..

My feelings are that Alpha dies in 10x12, Michonne gets her big sendoff in 10x13, and 10x14 is everyone picking up the pieces from the Hilltop battle, and Carol finally lets herself feel it now that Alpha is gone. (I hope I’m right).

Caryl on, lovelies.  I think the worst of this rocky road to canon is just about over.

So I mentioned in a post before this episode that I wanted to write about this and goddamn it I wish I'd done it sooner. This episode really solidified (for me) Carol's attitude to sex and intimacy. Especially due to her history with abuse this is super interesting!

Let's do a case by case run down shall we guys, gals and non binary pals?

- in Carol's veRY FIRST EPISODE what does she do? She cleans Rick's shirt then she sits with the women in the creek and Andrea makes a joke about missing her vibrator, very much in character for the brash Andrea right? And shy sweet little Carol? "Me too" which elicits laughter from the other women (in an "oh shit who'd have thought delicate Carol was a freak" kind of way) . Then Ed (garbage) starts beating her. Right away we've established three things about Carol - 1)a homemaker 2)she is being abused by Ed 3)shes got a naughty sense of humour

- skip to season 3 (cos there was no room for sexy talk literally all season 2, just her and Daryl growing closer in a sweet sad way) on top of the bus...one of my fAVOURITE SCENES, because at first it seems out of character for Carol. "Wanna screw around?" Woah ma'am where did this come from? You could theorize the writers did it to show how shes grown stronger since the end of the last season, but they did it in a way to show shes got her established sense of naughty humour back, shes healing.

- skip on a bit and Axel is chatting shit about why he's hitting on beth, Carol being Carol is like "oh hell no get tf away from the child" (isnt Axel closer to Daryls age? Wow, inappropriate) and Axels like "well I can't fuck you you're a lesbian" (bruh when I tell you this scene is why season 3 was so fucking good). Shes not even fazed, not offended, not shocked. And when Axel tries to turn on the charm she shuts him down, "well, this is interesting?😏😏😏" "no it's not 😑" shes not thrown by being flirted with, shes used to it and can handle herself when a man's putting the moves on her. She can even bat back with humour

- then we've got a lil "pookie" humour with Daryl and then it gets DARK for a while

- and now we've got Tobin, a necessity, and Alexandria. Carol LITERALLY FUCKS HIM TO MAINTAIN THEIR COVER. A QUEEN. but honestly one of the unintentionally funniest (and most telling) moments is when hes talking to her and she literally zones out. Then they have sex. Shes made it clear shes just not emotionally connected to him or the sex at all. Interesting. And sad. She later admits to him she didn't feel anything when they were together and she got scared because she started to feel (excuse my breaking heart for my damaged queen)

- next up we've got ya boi Ezekiel. Unlike most Caryl shippers I actually like Ezekiel cos even though he's weird and had a tiger and talked like a 15th century lord, hes still pretty cool. And why does Carol settle down zeke? Because she loves Henry, when she thought she lost him it showed her how important Henry was to her. And she saw the chance for a real life like shes never had, even before the apocalypse. It's good that she gives herself that, she doesnt believe she and Daryl will be together (she cant lie to him, she can to Ezekiel). And presumably, shes enjoying their intimacy.

- the scene when Zekes leaving her at camp with the bridge before Rick "dies", theres something very openly flirtatious about that, and Carol doesnt mind. Shes not embarrassed or ashamed of sex and her own sexuality and she doesnt hide it away.

- and finally, this new episode. Zeke openly references some interesting information; 1)Carol's v good at sex (we stan) 2)they had problems in their marriage but the sex was always good 3)humour accompanies sex with Carol, he even asked where it was, as in, hed be expecting jokes after they got down and dirty.

This final scene proves Carol trusts sex, because she knows what shes doing. Sadly I think this is because she could control Ed with sex...until she couldn't. Dont we remember what she said? Ed was sexually attracted to Sophia (god I'm glad this guy was violently eaten alive), with Ed no longer being calmed and controlled sexually the beatings would get worse. Sex was an anchor for Carol with Ed. That's why she can so easily turn it on and off after hes dead, its sadly become less important to her, less sacred.

My final piece of evidence? Hold on to your hats folks cos Carol openly admits this is how she views sex. When Andrea visits them at the prison and Carol finds out shes in a relationship with the governor, what does she say? "You can end this...give him the greatest night of his life then kill him". Was Andrea capable of fucking a guy then sticking a knife in him? No. Would Carol be capable? Absolutely. She'd probably imagined doing it to Ed countless times.

daryl’s little forest camp being her safe place she visits when daryl isn’t able to comfort her the way she wants right now? guys, this was h u g e.

i was honestly relieved to see that zeke is there for her. she needs that so bad. after reading the ill-worded spoilers again all my hope was gone. as usual i should have known better. having not only daryl still care for her, but also zeke and judith made me feel happy. and can we talk about how daryl saw them enter hilltop together? this was another moment they didn’t have to show, but they did.

and for them to show a cz sex scene the majority of the caryl fandom isn’t even that mad about is hilarious. it is so painfully clear that they never were the fairytale couple people wanted them to be. their conversation clearly showed that carol was never in it the way zeke would have wanted or deserved. she wanted to be happy so bad, but it wasn’t meant to be from the start. and that is okay. because, as caryl antis love to say, sometimes a man and a woman are better off as friends.

the scene with lydia wrecked me. carol smoked again and it is just clear how much she hates herself. lydia isn’t sugarcoating anything and carol’s bitter chuckle just shows how she sees herself. daryl tried to convince her so many times since the season started that she is a good person, that they deserve a future to fight for, but she is so full of hate for herself and grief that she just can’t accept those words as the truth.

and finally her joining him at glenn’s grave. asking the question she is so afraid to hear an answer to. and yet she still has to ask, because his opinion on her is literally the only one that counts. when he said he could never hate her and she let out that shaky breath she was holding? with the music in the background? i started crying too my dudes. just wow.

if all of this doesn’t mean she is on her way to heal i am personally swimming across the ocean to beat up the whole writers room.

In the trailer hilltop is badly on fire as we know from the new ep but I think carol diolouge being played and her voice break shows maybe now she's finally hit her point like actually rock bottom. I say this because I feel like hilltop buring and zeke leaving with the kids is a parallel to the prison buring way back when and I had a thought Zeke takes the kids and his agreement to Daryl was if one of us go down one of us take the kids so maybe Zeke sees Daryl maybe go down and goes for the kid and gets out and that's why later in the trailer we see ro and Daryl looking tracking maybe ? Another parallel to the prison buring but unlike in S4 when everyone got split of and got their own individual episode they regroup them unlike Daryl running away with Rosita like he did with Beth when they ran and got drunk they go looking like Daryl probably wanted to do way back then.

Another parallel I think may happen is carol this time is alone in the woods after hilltop has burned but she finds a possibly hurt Lydia in the trailer we see Lydia in the woods alone looking hurt running but she has herny staff in another trailer I've seen carol has henry staff so like at the prison with the girls carol will find Lydia and her diolouge may be said to her which could lead up to ep 14 a bigger conversation with Daryl. Also in the trailer negan says to aplha " the thing you where looking for I found it " now I think it's Lydia as much as her own child chose others over killing her mother she still want her daughter and if causing pain to the ones she chose over her will do it then she will get her but the way the scene look looks like negan is leading alpha into a trap to her demise. I know in the comic negan kill alpha and takes her head I've seen a few rumors saying he does kill alpha and give her head to carol and the diolouge carol says may not only be to Lydia but to negan when she gets handed head but I dunno if that rumor is true. Basically what I'm trying to say though slowly dying energy and my brains won't shh the hilltop buring is very parallel to the prison as well as everyone being split off to which has been put in there for a reason like I said I think that's it carol has hit her mark and she really needs the weight of her chest before it take hold of her any more I may be wrong but I don't think carol will chose revange a mother who fights for her child can never be stopped but one who is broken and I need a hand can be helped and can have help on her fight.

Whoops.  I’m back on my bullshit for the second night in a row.  Sorry. 

Just another little speculation/wishful thinking fic for Season 10.  Basically Hilltop burns, Carol and Lydia bond, and Carol has an epiphany and rises from the ashes. 

Yeah.  Bullshit because it’s all too easy but a girl can dream right?  Right.

Typos are all mine.  Wrote this one in a bit of a hurry.  Not quite one of my writing sprint exercises but damn close.   

Carol’s often wondered if she’s in Purgatory.  If she’s been cast straight into Hell for hating her husband and praying for his death for so very many years.  Destined to lose her daughter, every child that dared imprint on her heart, and walk this cruel earth alone.  Endure through fire and brimstone, death and destruction while everybody she loves, one by one, is lost to her. 

Hilltop is nothing more than ashes.  Barrington House is destroyed.  Gutted and hollowed out, its smoldering remains bear no resemblance to the stately mansion it used to be.  The fields beyond the walls are trampled.  Much of the livestock that hadn’t been released or fled on their own?  Slaughtered.  The community’s homes, their livelihood gone, just like that. 

And yet, those losses are secondary to Carol.  It’s not that they do not matter.  They do.  Of course, they do.  In some ways?  She feels responsible for bringing Alpha and her Whisperer army to Hilltop’s doorstep.  Still.  She looks out across the ruins and it’s the faces she does not see that affect her most.  It’s the fallen that make her throat grow tight and her heart ever more sore and coming upon Lydia’s huddled form at the base of a nearby tree?  Glimpsing the tears that make tracks down her sooty cheeks?  Carol feels her own eyes warm and allows her bow to slip from her shoulder, fall in a clatter at her feet, as she sinks down beside the girl. 

Lydia’s only acknowledgement is to curl her arms tighter around her updrawn knees.  She sniffles as her gaze takes everything in and for a few seconds more?  She’s silent.  But then?  “This?  All of it?  Is my fault.” 

“Bullshit.”  Carol’s reply is blunt but sincere, a shock to the young girl’s system she can immediately tell.  Once she has Lydia’s undivided attention, she reiterates herself.  Although, this time?  She settles for a truth they both know, deep down.  Alpha’s madness is her own and Lydia is just as much her victim as Henry was.  “None of this is your fault.  None of it.”   

“Do you really believe that?  Really?  What about Henry?” 

Carol is unwavering in the face of the girl’s doubts and the stranglehold her own guilt has on her heart loosens fractionally because madness knows no reason.  She realizes that now.  If not Henry, Alpha would have exacted her price in some other way.  “Maybe.  Maybe it happened the way it was supposed to.  The way it was always going to.  And nothing you or I said or did could have changed it.” 

Lydia takes her time digesting Carol’s words. 

Months of watching the girl, of studying her with first suspicion, then recognition and growing compassion, easily tells Carol when she has reached her own grudging acceptance.  It’s not an absolution, by any means.  It’s just a way to shoulder her burdens without being forced to her knees.  It’s a way to keep surviving long enough to work toward a better future, one she’s surprised to hope she’ll have some small part of.  So she repeats her words and offers Lydia a small smile as her fingers reach to sweep her hair back from her face.  They tuck the tangled strands behind the girl’s ear and linger there as long as they dare before falling away.  “None of this is your fault.  Henry wouldn’t want you to blame yourself.  Neither do I.”  Then she stands up and reclaims her bow, briefly resting her hand atop Lydia’s bony shoulder. 

Lydia covers her hand with her own and clings to it like the lifeline she’s been denied for so very long.  “Henry wouldn’t want you to blame yourself either.” 

Tears swimming in her eyes, feeling something monumental shift inside her and crack open wide, Carol manages a nod and a simple response.  “I know.” 

“Where are you going?  You’re not going to…” 

“No.”  Carol turns her palm over and squeezes the small hand in hers in reassurance.  “Not without finding Daryl.  Not without telling him…” 

“That you love him?” 

Put on the spot as such, Carol laughs and reclaims her hand to knuckle away tears.  “Some stuff.  Things he should be the first to hear.  If he’s ready.” 

Like the teenager she’s never gotten the chance to be, Lydia rolls her eyes.  “Pfft.” 

She sounds so much like her surrogate father in that moment, Carol feels her heart swell to bursting with unexpected affection.  “What?” she questions as the girl climbs to her own feet, brushing first her tears then the dusty seat of her pants.  “Lydia?  Hey.” 

“Don’t ask me.  Ask him.”  Lydia offers a small smile of her own and brushes past.  With the smoke still rising and curling around her, she seeks Daryl’s worn form and points Carol out.  Daryl, however, stands still and steady. 

He’s waiting on her, Carol realizes.  As he has been all these months.  Finally, it’s clear to her.  The next move?  Is 100% hers.  Inhaling deep, she swallows down her fears and self-recriminations.  Her lips silently form his name and she takes that first, final step toward forever. 

I’m not even worried. Carol and Zeke were married for years. She doesn’t hate or dislike the man, and I saw something like this coming since the start of the season, with her blowing him off. Things between them were not going to stay that way. There had to be a closure, and it’s not at all surprising it involves a physical expression of emotion.

Think about where Carol is right now. Her emotions are raw and all over the place. She thinks she’s lost Daryl forever. And then she finds out her ex husband of some years is dying—a man she did care about even though she wasn’t in love. They’re both upset, both need comfort, and it happens. As it often does in real life. It’s not at all surprising. And yes it can even be a part of mutual grieving for their son.

I will not condemn Carol for it. As much as I adore Daryl—he’s always been my favorite and I badly want them together—I don’t see how this makes Caryl less special. And I also don’t think Zeke is taking advantage of her—she’s an adult with her own agency. Yes, she’s spiraling, but how much about that does he even know? He hasn’t witnessed it. Besides, he’s dying, so he’s pretty low himself.

It’s just a period to a sentence as far as I’m concerned. Yes it’s frustrating and I would rather it not happen. But it’s entirely natural and understandable.

This final goodbye hook up isn’t what I’m thinking about. I keep visualizing Daryl looking into her eyes and saying “I could never hate you.”

Hey guys!  What a day, huh?  So, we know now that Carol and Zeke are going to sleep together.  I know, it sucks.  But, I mean, Carol has literally just gotten back from a cave in that she blames herself for, that she thinks everyone blames her for, that she thinks Daryl blames her for.  She thinks Daryl lost something important to him in that cave, and she has told him on two separate occasions that she thinks there’s something between him and Connie, which he expressly denied.  

But she’s in revenge/grief mode, and she’s hurting and acting out and pushing people away and putting herself in danger, because her son is gone.  She begged Daryl to say it, to blame her, because let’s face it, she feels like he’s the last thing tethering her to this world.  If he blamed her, she’d have nothing left to lose.

So next week, she’s gonna go to Zeke, and they’re gonna have the sex.  Okay.  I was about to flip the hell out at first, but look, they were together for years.  Zeke is probably the best relationship she’s ever had.  Look what she came from.  Ed.  Then there was the Tobin sex that was clearly her pretending to be something and someone she wasn’t.  Then she pretended again with Ezekiel, but Ezekiel wasn’t a physically abusive dickhole like Ed. 

Then there’s the man she truly loves, Daryl, who she thinks hates her.  Zeke is sick, he’s not a terrible human being, and she’s been there done with with him before.  With Whisperers on the way and neither of them knowing if they’ll see morning, I get it.  I don’t like it, but I get it.

It has nothing to do with Daryl or Caryl.  It has everything to do with reaching out and needing to feel SOMETHING other than pain or grief or anger or guilt or revenge.  And she can’t do that with Daryl, because she doesn’t know how he feels, and right now, things are so up in the air with him.  And sleeping with her ex is just one more way for Kang to bang us over the head with this “HELLO, CAROL IS SPIRALING AND AT ROCK BOTTOM” idea.  

But remember what else she said.

Caryl is the heart of this season.  Carol and Dary’s relationship is the heart of this season. 

They are not over.  Not at all.  And I am personally ready to see how this unfolds for myself.  Context is key, and a few little birdies say this is not about reconciliation at all.

I know it’s rough, but that’s what angst is.  I believe the payoff will be glorious.

Daryl loves Carol - I’m 100% convinced they are still endgame. And I’m not so blind as to think that by now Carol hasn’t caught on to this fact. It scares her, and I think that something REAL, like what she could have with Daryl, scares her, and it’s safer to seek comfort in something she knows ISN’T real. The fairytale with Ezekiel was something that - in my opinion - was only held together by Henry. A child she had managed to keep safe, until he wasn’t. I think by seeking comfort with Ezekiel she feels close to that life again, and to Henry. It helps her to avoid dealing with NOW.

-the next two episodes are going to be the hilltop war

-ep 13 will be entirely michonne

-during the hilltop episodes the whisperers will have saved c0nnie and magna from the cave with the intention of using them against the fam. c0nnie going to die publicly and probably terribly

-during the hilltop war eps caryl will interact but it’ll be very terse and awkward, bc they’ll be forced to work together, but they haven’t addressed their problems

-zeke is gonna have a convo with carol and daryl respectively, and is gonna say something suggestive about caryl’s relationship to one or both of them (my bet’s on daryl)

-alpha is going to die during the hilltop battle. likely negan will betray her and will be directly involved in her death. im on the fence about whether or not carol will be involved but my gut tells me she won’t

-i think a-a-ron or carol or both let negan out

-ep 14 is gonna be a huge caryl episode, bc it’ll be the aftermath of alpha’s death, where carol will be forced to realize that alpha is gone, but she’s still hurting, and will have to admit that it wasn’t revenge she needs, but reprieve from her overwhelming grief. she and daryl will have a heart-to-heart where she finally opens up to him, hopefully telling him about what happened at the grove, and Something will happen. i think we will either get rly rly close to canon, but something will interrupt it, or they will have a rly tender moment, mb with him holding her while she cries and assuring her that he doesn’t think she’s a monster and that he’s not going anywhere. i think he will reiterate that he has no feelings for c0nnie and he’s mourning her bc she’s a friend, but nothing else. but we won’t get actual canon until ep 16

-the last two eps are gonna be beta McLosin’ it and them having to grapple with that

Please Help Me

“Please help me.”  It came out, barely a whisper.  She sat at his bed, her hand clasping his.  He hadn’t moved since she’d sat down two hours ago. He didn’t even know she was there. And she hadn’t meant to stay.  Why would he want her there?  Her need for revenge had trapped two of their people, and now those two people were likely dead.  Because of her.  “Please. Please, help me.”  She bent her head forward, sobbing as her body shook with each ragged breath.