CRYSTALLIZED

❛ don’t say stuff like that.   ❜ she said, lip pulled underneath the sharpness of her teeth, eyebrows furrowed. ❛ we don’t ... i dont even know if i will be able to go through with this mission. i’m doing it for us, even if ... even if i think it’s all bullshit. they’re just like us, brother. frightened, and, struggling to survive. what gives us the right to kill them?  ❜ her voice trembled, and then she recomposed herself. ❛ i’m sorry, brother. you’ll have to go home without me.     ❜

T H E Y     W H I S P E R     O F     H O M E     because there is nowhere else to go:      once you dip your hands in blood they don’t stop shaking;     don’t stop reminding you of a corpse’s milky eyes     &     open mouth,     as if at any moment they may scream again        T R A I T O R !     I     K N O W     W H A T     Y O U ‘ V E     D O N E     !     for a warrior is not a soldier     even though in the end they’re all the same —     fight girl,     they’re counting on you to win,      so that you can go home to the only person you’re allowed to trust;    fight girl,     even if you’re afraid,     because that’s     A L L     T H E Y     T A U G H T     Y O U     to do.    fight girl,    because you’ve made the world your enemy     &    it will not    // FORGIVE YOU !

ANNIE QUIVERS, the first tell-tale signs of rage as her fists un-clench & clench & then dissipate, fingers loose, expression ragged. she places a palm towards her throbbing cheek, the reminder of eren’s cuff like the imprint of her pulse. she is no stranger to injury, but she is a stranger to the softness that places itself like a traitor in her gut: it is only one of the many injuries to come by his hand, unbeknownst to him. if only is a terrible thought. if only i wasn’t here to betray you; if only we could be friends as you believe us to be; if only fate hadn’t made me your enemy. eyes shining as she looks down, annie voice is uncharacteristically quiet. ❛ you’ve gotten better, you took me by surprise. ❜ withdrawing her fingers from her cheek, all emotion drained, annie’s features return to their usual chill. ❛ no apology is needed. ❜ 

❛  somewhere i cannot return.  ❜ was all she said in the end, for until her mission was finished, it was true. & deeper, a knowing that she knew would crush reiner, would crush bertholdt was a reality within her; a resigned understanding. she could never return, & neither could they, for they were on a crusade that led to the open arms of death. but they were children, & hope was a child’s greatest dream. maybe, if just a little, she could indulge in that dream, too.

ANNIE ACKNOWLEDGES    his thanks with a softening of the lines in her face,     for she,    too,    remembers a time when she had to fight even if her body refused to move;     limbs heavy with exhaustion     &    skin slick with a sheen of sweat.     maybe this is why she sighs a breath through her nose, appreciation given back in kind:     ❛  you can’t fight properly like that.    your stance is the most important thing to learn.     put your weight in your front foot and raise your heel for the rear.     the lifted heel is important,     it helps with your strikes.     never stand flat footed.    ❜     that should help him enough.    ❛  try to strike me again.   ❜

❛  commander hange.  ❜    she addresses out of duty,    but little else.     it would be a good time to ask questions about the survey corps     &     eren.     ❛  if you don’t mind a personal question,     i was wondering how eren is doing? ❜     maybe they would tell annie what was important to know,     maybe not,      but annie could easily mask this as concern.     maybe in the end,     it was.      // @bloodletted liked for a starter

staring at the trainee for a long time, annie finally looks back down to her soup, spoon gripped tightly in one of her hands. ❛  it tastes like crap,  ❜ she replies. well, conversation wouldn’t kill her. he would give up eventually like all the rest.