lose myself in a memory and it comes to me like a wave crashing. it'll be like it's right there in front of me again. the backyard. those dark green tiles everywhere. the billiard table, the sound of the balls hitting each other and then rolling down to the drawer. that little room full of weird adult stuff. the post-beach shower hidden in the back. looking through the windows. the smell of their wood. getting in the bedrooms through them. the smell of your toys...

your bed.

seeing your bedroom wall written all over and realising you were growing up just as much as i were. feeling sad for us even though we were still so young.

walking to the beach. worrying I'd never be able to get myself unstuck from the wet sand after we burry my legs with it. getting into the water and pretending i was a sea fairy. and actually believing it. worrying i accidentally drank too much sea water.

when i go to the beach nowadays i can only get philosophical. i dread it.