I have lost my ENTIRE transition and new life to grief. I have literally lost EVERYTHING. I have fought and worked so fucking goddamn hard for because I would literally. Fucking. Rather. Cry. And bitch. And whine. About things that are out of my control. I am such a spoiled fucking goddamn brat. I have LITERALLY lost ALL THE BEST MOMENTS OF GROWTH AND PROGRESS AND TRANSITION AND QUEER JOY TO WHINING AND MOANING AND COMPLAINING THAT I DONT HAVE ENOUGH.
I am literally HUMILIATED. That I have chosen to treat my fucking life this way. I am goddamn fucking HUMILIATED. That I am making this fucking choice. HUMILIATED. I would LITERALLY ACTUALLY RATHER LAY THERE TANTRUMING LIKE A FUCKING HELPLESS TODDLER INSTEAD OF GETTING THE FUCK UP AND GETTING THE FUCK OVER IT AND MOVING THE FUCK ON.
I am so goddamn fucking sick of my fucking attitude. I am so. Fucking. Goddamn. Sick. Of my fucking goddamn attitude. This is truly goddamn fucking pathetic. Goddamn pathetic.
Good job David. You lost your transition. You lost the moments to take pictures, take pride, take joy in your own progress and growth. You lost the opportunity to enjoy the beginning of your thirties, to dictate how your life is going to go now that you have an apartment to yourself and absolutely nothing but time and freedom.
I am so goddamn fucking sick of your fucking tantrum. This is ridiculous. This is goddamn fucking ridiculous. This is absurd. This is humiliating. This is embarrassing. Goddamn embarrassing.
What are you trying to fucking prove here? Hm? What are you fucking proving by choosing to be miserable. What could you possibly be getting from this. What is fucking gods goddamn green earth could you POSSIBLY be getting out of this experience? This is INSULTING. This is HUMILIATING. Man or not you are THIRTY years old and have LITERALLY. EVERYTHING. YOU WANT. EVERYTHING YOU ASKED FOR.
I'm EMBARRASSED. I'm ASHAMED and HUMILIATED that this is how we are navigating this. This is goddamn truly fucking absurd. You are behaving like the goddamn fucking world is ending and why. Because you're stuck? Because you're sick? Because you're tired? Because Jasper isn't here? Because you are perceiving change as permanent loss?
Jesus fucking Christ you have your entire goddamn fucking life. You have only been here a year. Has that entire year been spent bitching and making zero progress? Yes. Is the answer to spend another fucking year doing the same goddamn shit? No? Then what do you want to fucking goddamn do about it. Because I am NOT going to FUCKING put up with you WAILING like a goddamn banshee because you won't go for a fucking walk. The only way you can fix Jasper not being here is literally by building your fucking strength.
This is literally fucking obnoxious. This is pathetic. Goddamn fucking pathetic. You are being fucking pathetic I cannot fucking stand your stupid goddamn fucking attitude right now. I literally cannot fucking stand you. This is literally fucking REPULSIVE how you are fucking behaving Jesus fucking Christ.
Literally either fucking kill yourself, or do something about it. You'd better do fucking one of those by the end of the fucking month. Either fix your goddamn fucked up brain or snap your fucking neck. Jesus fucking goddamn Christ I am literally so sick of being like this. You do not fucking get ANY compassion until there are some goddamn results in your fucking life. You have lost the privilege of compassion. You have lost the privilege of help. You either get up and get moving or I will kill us myself. I am done with this. Done. I am fucking goddamn DONE behaving like this.
Get better or saddle your entire fucking family with the grief of finding your bloated fucking corpse staining the goddamn carpet. Get up or punish every person who has EVER made any kind of sacrifice for you to keep fucking breathing. Those are your fucking options and you are taking one of them this fucking month. You have thirty days.
