Finally updated the IOS on this thing! Will it make this garbage website usable? Only time shall tell.

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@dumbassbestiary
Finally updated the IOS on this thing! Will it make this garbage website usable? Only time shall tell.

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genrcsavvyâ:
âIâmâŚaware of them.â He deadpans. âLove everything they have to say, especially the stuff about how gay people come from another dimension. Real hard-hitting stuff.â
Parker nods and lets them talk, but as they do, his eyes start to cross and whatever atrophied, rotten drain clog of a soul he has left starts to glug out of his ears. Â
 âListen- did it ever occur to you that the good people of thetruthisoutthere could maybe, potentially, be lying? I mean, what if the site is a front for the deep state? The only way you can know if pigeons are safe to eat or not is to prove first hand, for yourself, that they are cameras. Right?â
   âLook, itâs not all gold, but the general tenor of exposing the truth is key. They broke the story about the snow made from plastic microfibers, and the tree in Oregon that was actually just a big gun. Isnât it better to sometimes get the facts wrong than just let the government get away with their bullshit?â
âI have eaten pigeons before, and afterwards, people have given me dirty looks in public. Why? Because they could see my guts, endoscope-style, because Iâve eaten the cameras - which in turn means theyâre seeing all the anti-government literature Iâve eaten for that same purpose. What about this donât you understand, Parker?â
starter for @dxspereauxâ - Iona
   âOh shit. You eat dead people too? Does that mean I have to share?â
starter for @dxspereauxâ - eve
   âHey, that song you were just playing. What was that? I loved it.â
starter for @dxspereauxâ - evgeni
  âAh, a man of culture. So you can fit yourself into a mid-sized suitcase too.â

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Glenn would also have a self-shirt. @genrcfiction told me it was canon.
search WITHIN your local trash and you WILL find a friend and boyÂ
wolfmanscnâ:
 âDo IâŚ.â Murray scratches the back of his neck. He looks around, kind of expecting a spider to be behind him. He squints, then turns and looks back at Tabby.
âDepends which spider?â
Well, might as well be honest with the kid.Â
   âHow about this one?â
She gives a wide grin, stretching up way beyond the corners of her mouth, as her large mandibles wriggle free.
canonfoddcrâ:
The funny thing about Olaf is he has almost no self awareness, but despite this, he can smell feral and hot mess on other men at 20 paces. This is absolutely because on some subconscious level, he sees himself reflected in these other men, but if you were to so much as insinuate that to him he would stab you in the eye. So he knows, for a fact, that Glenn does not have a hot date, and he strongly suspects that he does not actually have a gun.
âOh, well. Of course, my sincerest apologies. By all means, sir.â
Shit-eating grin plastered on his face, he takes a step to the side and motions with his arms for Glenn to pass him.
When he does, Olaf casually and inconspicuously extends a leg in Glennâs direction, right in his way.
Is it childish to trip people? Yes. But Glenn started it.
Finally, some fucking respect. Just goes to show, Glenn, that when you threaten, harass, and intimidate people, they end up doing exactly what you want them to. Itâs one of those things about life thatâs just always, always true.
  âGreat. Be seeing you, dickhead.â
One confident, swaggering step forward and--
      Fuck! Suddenly, Iâm on the fucking ground and my nose is bleeding with this fucker standing right behind me with his leg sticking out.
âYou motherfucker. What the hell did you do that for?â
wolfmanscnâ:
  âUhhhh- I donât reallyâŚI think I have a begrudging respect for them? But generally I wouldnât say Iâm a fan. Why?â
Not a fan. Thatâs not exactly what she wanted to hear.
  âDo you think you could make an exception if you got to know the spider?â

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genrcsavvyâ:
 Parker sighs.
 âWell-â He mutters âif you actually did anything other than sit at a desk all day in your basement and you ate food other than cheese fries maybe youâd be able to keep up with the birds.â
He clears his throat and shrugs, giving Riley a look that says you know Iâm right.
When they make the pigeon comment, Parker grits his teeth so hard the force practically causes them to crowd even closer together. He knows that there is no convincing Riley. They are on another plane of reality, and there is no earthly way to get through to them. He knows this.
And yet.
  âSo if pigeons are really surveillance devices-â He pauses. He was about to say âwhy donât they come inside more oftenâ but then he realised that, following Rileyâs insane logic, they wouldnât need to, because indoors can just be bugged with normal surveillance devices. He opens his mouth to say something else, but then stops- of course thereâd be no physical cameras inside the pigeons, theyâre bio-organic. Parker grimaces. Heâs too good at reading other people, he can predict every counter-argument Riley could ever come up with, and itâs already driving him up the wall. He grunts in frustration, then takes a breath.
âFirst of all.â He puts up a finger. âFirst of all. How do you know that?â
This poor fool. This poor, misguided fool. Heâd broken the one main rule about interfacing with Riley Alana Almanzor while theyâre in conspiracy mode: Never ask a follow up question. It was like inviting a vampire inside, but worse, because at least with the vampire finding a release in death was a possibility.
  âWell, well, well, now youâre speaking my language, Matthews. I need to give you a little bit of context first - so there are no authentic, verifiable records of pigeons before 1961. Anything before that was fabricated by the government with the help of George Lucas. They got their name from the inventor of the technology, Arthur Q. Pigeon, who was also the first French man in Space - he went up there on one of Stanley Kubrickâs space missions to help him authentically fake the moon landing.â
  They realise theyâre rambling, and course-correct.
âLook, itâs clear you want to know the truth, and thatâs admirable. Even if you are a Suit, the heart of a true truth-exposer might beat within your pale, skinny chest. I can help you with that, because Iâm an expert at exposing myself. Are you familiar with the TheTruthIsOutThere forums?â
canonfoddcrâ:
  Olaf does a turn on his heels to face Glenn. His face betrays no specific emotion but his eyes are burning concentrated, blue-hot hatred. Anyone who knows Olaf well knows that look and knows to run for cover when he shoots it in their direction.
  âMy hairline?â He blinks. âMy fucking hairline? That isâŚfrankly, the most hilarious thing you couldâve chosen to insult me on, given your circumstances.â Olafâs mouth opens and his lips curl upwards but itâs less like a smile and more like his face just splitting open. âTell me what Iâm keeping you from, please, by all means. What are you in the middle of doing that is so goddamn important. Iâd love to know. Really, I would!â
   âIâve got a hot date with a real smoking chick, and just looking at you is enough to make my dick recede into my body. Sheâs a nice gal, and if I canât perform, Iâd hate to have to shoot her out of social embarrassment.â
Good one, Glenn. He doesnât need to know youâre planning on rewatching Rocky III again and eating Spaghetti-Os straight out of the can. Itâs not relevant to the conversation.
  âYou got a problem? You can take it up with my complaint department - either the left or the right one, your choice.â
Michael Gary Scott an icon.
Goblin hours

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genrcsavvyâ:
 âWh-â Parker pauses for a long time, taking off his glasses and exhaling through his nose. He pinches the bridge of his nose. âRiley. There are birds outside. There are so many free birds that donât belong to anyone and you can just grab them and eat them whenever you want, so why would you-â
He stops short of full on screaming at them, taking another pause and a deep breath. Parker smiles tensely and gives a hollow laugh.
âYou know what? Who cares. Who gives a fuck. Itâs âŚI donât know. I guess that falls under destruction of property and maybe assault? But I keep telling you- my degree is Arts Law.â
   âDo you have any idea how hard it is to catch a bird in real life, Matthews? Okay so, for a start, the most common kinds of birds - which is to say, pigeons - arenât even birds. Theyâre bio-organic surveillance machines. Budgies taste great and donât occur as commonly in the wild - and in the cage, Parker, especially when thereâs a bunch of them, theyâre easier to catch.â
They listen to his ranting with their default sense of resigned semi-contempt.
  âSo you want to work for companies like Disney and crush little independent creators or grieving parents who wanna put Spiderman on their delicious kidsâ graves? Not surprising. Youâre such a suit.â
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   âYouâre not afraid of spiders, are you?â