professional fuck up

Carter: No one believes you're capable of that. Or even wanting to do that.

Carter: That's a relief to hear.

Jess: Haha

Jess: Hey, sweetheart?

Carter: Wait, the jacket or the guilt over killing Noah?

Carter: Killing Noah? I think so.

Jess: Hmm. Fine.

Carter: I was halfway to planning Noah's funeral.

Carter: You're a liar.

Carter: As I said, you guys can fight over that in your own time.

Carter: You actually broke that promise if I can recall. Not the murder, just the getting mad.

Carter: You can argue that out with Seth.

Carter: I can't make any promises.

Carter: Just you and Seth. I don't think I quite have the heart to try anything with Cassie or Katie. Or the courage to trick Angelica.

Jess: If Seth is my only competition, then I'm definitely the beauty. Unless Angelica gets involved 'cause, as you said, that requires a little more courage.

Carter: We know I'm comfortable in my safe and unscathed position as the brains of our operations.

Carter: And I think, given today, I'm good at it.

Jess: If you're the brains, what does that make me? The beauty, the brawn? The allusive yet dashing leader of our group?

Jess: You damn well are, damn it. Just, y'know, how about skipping out on me next April?

Carter: I've yet to call on you for bail money, so I think I'm doing alright.

Carter: I told Katie to protect me :)

Jess: That's true. Let's keep it that way yeah? Y'know, for all of us...

Carter: I got you good, didn't I?

Carter: Told him Doctor Who got cancelled.

Jess: You did. Jesus, I need a drink. April Fool's is the worst damn day of the year. I think we're becoming a bit of a bad influence on you, sweetheart.

Carter: At least you didn't cry like Seth did.

Jess: You're terrible. I love you, buddy, but you're a damn menace.

Carter: I just feel bad for /telling/ you that I shrunk your jacket.

Carter: Because once again, I'm realising that you didn't check the calendar this morning.

Jess: Wait, what?

[five minutes pass]

Carter: Not for destroying your jacket.

Jess: Huh?

Jess: Jesus, Carter, what else have you done?

Carter: I have to admit, I feel bad now.

Jess: For destroying my jacket?

Carter: I feel like you're breaking your promise to not be mad.

Jess: You tricked me. I didn't know what I was making the promise for!

Carter: At least if you decide to have kids it will fit them.

Jess: Carter.

Jess: CARTER.