rants. rants. rants

Another history marked in my life... marriage? nahh - how I wish, but nah, this was never in my life’s to-do list anyway. 

I now own a house ~ signed my life away to be the 1st owner of the current unit together with my dad. 

My feelings? Mixed - yes, some people may see it that I now have an asset. But this also means that I am fully responsible for a house that is currently a shelter for 5 people (excluding myself).... 

I am feeling the burden, but it’s okay. I have Him who will show and guide me the correct path ~ InshaAllah. 

I had always made a promise to let my inner thoughts / feelings out to this page since I have re-opened it last year? or 2 years back? 

But I haven’t been fulfilling that promise ~ Why? I prefer to bury those inner thoughts down, forced myself to let it slide or try to understand the whole situation with an open-mind. 

Or I would just talk it out with someone whom I trust - be it I tell them directly or indirectly. Thank God for introducing me to those people - some are blood related and some are not. 

hmmmmm what should I share in the next post? Personal or something generic.... 

Anyways, been going a little bit crazy over this South Korean athlete who is current going viral / crazyyyyy worldwide... Seeing him being so successful - made me wonder why didn’t I take up sports back in school? I love netball so much, even though I was fat back then. 

I guess if I took netball back in school, I could have lose some weight and maybe an athlete? At least I would have a skill when I’m doing sports? Having that greed or motivation to always win a medal, participate in competitions - SEA Games, Olympics? 

Right now, I am always thinking, what are my skills? What do I have on me? I don’t really like baking, cooking - I love make up, but I love putting them on me.. I would love to learn but when I think back - to put make up on others, errr maybe not.. 

I don’t even know what I am capable of... Funny neh? 

hmmm something that I can share my inner thoughts in the next post? 😍

Till next time - hopefully I have that will to write the next post!

I had a great shock in my life yesterday. I thought i lost the whole folder which contains Ah Chai’s wedding.... This was one of the memory that I want to keep till the end of my life... 

Wow... the last post, I wrote, will be uploading some content soon.... 

But I didn’t... 

2019 was kinda a bumpy for me and I felt that I’m going through another phase of puberty. I was moody, not wanting to do anything, worrying about my weight, health - basically, it’s nonsense.. 

When 2020 came, I didn’t had any resolutions and expectations. I told myself, let it come and we shall pass through another year just like 2019. 

I was busy looking for jobs, finding free entertainment to live up my mood, struggling financially - it was tough.. and then CORONA virus came.. kind of blessing in disguise? I had to work from home, which is very depressing but hey, I saved a lot of money!!! and this WFH makes me think twice or even 100 times to get myself treats. 

I just wish this virus end soon so that my job is saved - no pay cut, no unpaid leave or whatsoever... 

Yesterday marks my official last day with Far East Organization. 

And yeah I am finally out from that toxic place. 

there are some pictures to share, but not sure if I want to share.. waste of time i tell you... HAHAHA

Uploading all the pictures from our Staff Communication last week. This was supposed to be the Christmas Party, but due to budget, the committee can’t afford a huge party. 

Also, I was not part of the team too. But, when comes to party, it’s just my forte, music, food, photography and even making videos... I love doing it. 

Kudos to the committee for making this happen! <3

The beautiful decorations.. the paletes were made by our very own Engineering team. Just love the whole concept! Yes, it is picnic in a room - I like, coz there’s aircon! :)

My favourite part of the palettes will be those flowers! I love it soooo much. Future boyfriend, please take note! 

The only group photo! Hey lucky i took this shot! Because, we forgot to take the big family photo...... 

I was not supposed to be in, but I stood for Kak Lerma. HAHAHHA

Like finally i managed to eat the Christmas Menu for our Staff Party. The 1st Party back in 2016, I was part of the committee team - too busy to eat... 2nd year, I was busy with Catering Stuffs and whatever performance we had AND I WAS SOOO SICK - I couldn’t eat all this sinful food. And yay! this year, it was awesome.... 

I am going to miss this lady sooo much! :( 

Another song that I am addicted to. 

Well nobody knows, maybe some? that I was struggling sooo much the past few months... I hate myself, I put full blame on myself for not being attractive, smart and successful... It was tough and I can only cry to myself (and some people) thinking how helpless I was.. I can’t do anything.. That past few months, i really hated myself... 

But this song allows me to give myself another chance to believe in myself...... I remembered that day... I was on my way home when i saw this FMV with lyrics included... i just had to sit down, I was half way changing train in one of the stations, trying to control whatever emotions inside me... What have I done to myself? Why am I torturing my own self? I was so sorry to myself.. I felt ashamed and stupid for putting so much pressure to my own shoulders. 

I need to learn loving myself, appreciate myself... My resolution in 2019 

Days when you hate that you’re you Days when you wanna disappear Let’s make a door in your heart If you open that door and go inside This place will be waiting for you It’s ok to believe, it’ll comfort you, this Magic Shop

Thank you to some of you who cared, listened, nagged, supported, advised, scolded and most importantly stopped me. 

There are a few events that I want to blog... Let me see - 

1. OHD Staff Party 2018  2. Trip to the newest edition to Oasia Cluster (which I am not sure if I wanna share this) 3. S&M Christmas Party 

However, let me share this first... Finally on leave until next year. YAY!  Will be leaving for Korea in 4 days time and totally excited for this trip with my favourite ones. We have been planning this for 2 years and finally its coming!  Funny isn’t it? We planned for 2 years but it will end in like 9 days time? 

Just like the title of this post, I guess its time for me to move on... resignation submitted and will be moving on to a new place next month.  How do I feel? Mix feelings - been with the company for 5.5 years and to leave this family.... I considered it for the longest time. FAMILY? I doubt so... I am not that significant in the team since everybody also have the equal share of workloads. But to leave my buddy alone with those shits - I guess she can make it right and will be alright? 

Submitting the letter was very much easier than i thought. HAHA oh c’mmon, all of us expect more right? Like a counter offer or a plan to make me stay at least? But maybe because I am determined to leave and my direct S knows my desire to leave the soonest. Well, she did ask where i am going, nahhhh i choose not to share. For what I share when I know she will start comparing being a Sales Person and this position. I was surprised that she didn’t insist or should I say she showed no interest at all. So yeah, can I say I am lucky that I had a smooth process of submitting my letter? The whole conversation lasted say less than 10 mins? Well whatever!

Also, I was worried if HR would receive the letter late and the process will take forever! Come to my surprise that it took only 2-3 working days and I know my last working date - and to be specific, it came from my HR executive directly not the direct S. HR wanted me to change the last working date on my letter but this was inform to my direct S. However, this message (as usual) didn’t come to me today. 

Today was my last working day for 2018, hence i need to know my last working date before leaving - which why i texted my HR in-charge. OKAY my initial intention was to ask about my pay. And then - BAM - HR IC told me that I am supposed to amend the letter. Out of courtesy, i texted direct S to ask about my date this morning @ 10am, however till now (9.12pm) no reply. Do you think i want to wait and beg for an answer? This clearly show her true self.  OH WAIT - she is busy lah Tin. Yeap super busy, but have time to waste on dancing, rehearsals, costumes and whatever not.. Well ladies and gentlemen, clearly I am not important right? So why must I call this team a family? 

Okay okay, i am being sensitive right? I think nahhh... There were no sincerity and consideration at all from this team. Yeap, for example.... food. Just because majority are non-muslims, they can ‘forget’ about out dietary. Yeap, so much of teamwork ya. 

Okay maybe dietary too difficult to remember lah hor, since sometimes I am okay with no pork no lard. But gurl, you have a blardy damn team member who is in head scarf, also can forget? okay okay they can assume lah this team member also anyhow hentam like others lah hor. BUT simple stuffs like speaking farking English in the team also must remind? Oh ya laaa i forget, they did mention before... “oh forget lah you are here... oh its easier to speak in our language to describe this situation...” Hey gurls BS! 

I think to keep my sanity and heart healthy, I need to leave. Hah! Didn’t know that this would be one of their tactics to get rid of people. Thats why i never really bothered about those Teamwork advice, quotes or examples shared by the organization. Because my team never practice it - well i don’t blame my team, even the direct S and 2nd direct S never practice it too.. They are one of the examples to those described actions. 

I am very glad that I’m leaving this team... but I will definitely miss this organization. This organization gave me the opportunity to experience career advancement, self improvement, travelling and support my family. But the typical traditional way of working processes needs to be improved. And that hierarchy thinging.... I grew up in an environment (be it at home, school and previous company) that practices transparency, open-door and integrity... Here, unfortunately, I don’t see it. People are afraid to be transparent to the staffs, keeping future plans to themselves and only share it when changes are to happen in 1 weeks time or less. People are afraid of the higher management. So what they are the bosses, GMs, HMs, CEO. When you need an answer or advise, why not? I do go up to my direct S for clarifications, knocked my GMs room for answers to my doubts. Why must I be afraid? Yes, they are higher in position compare to me, but aren’t they humans? If I do not know, I should ask rather than sit on it and wait for answers to come from the sky? But nope, people here don’t practice that. “No, next time come to me first and ask. If I don’t have the answer, i will ask the appropriate person for you.” hmmm you played the Broken Telephone game before? know why I don’t like going rounds and rounds for an answer? And when I can get the answer within 10 mins, i need to wait for 10 days? for what????

My only wish that the new place is a better place... Looking forward for the new environment, challenges and of course new team members. This organization is totally different than the current one. It’s gonna be fun - I bet it is. :)

SOOOO ADDICTED TO THIS SONG!  Didn’t know that they sang this for GDA. This has been on repeat for the longest time!

If I say I hurt, it seems like I will really hurt.... If I say I'm sad, it seems like tears will really come out.... I just laugh, I just laugh,I just laugh... But why do people ask me why I cry? 

Anyways, been very lazy the past few days.. I wish I can update my rants almost everyday... But you know, almost 8 hours everyday i face the PC, soooo coming back home to face the laptop, is a No No. 

I am always looking forward to our lunch time but HAH it is always the most stressful time every in my life. 

Deciding what to eat is always stressful. I am super grateful to have a buddy who is always okay with all my cravings. 

However, trying the Small Fish Big Fish was spontaneous. Thankfully, my buddy is not a fussy one ~ despite her not eating chilli sauce. hahahaha 

Eating her was quite an experience. We are allowed to choose 6 sauces from and being a Singaporean, hey! let’’s choose everything laaa :) 

I am going to stop here. Shall continue tomorrow! 

A quote was shared in our Daily Dose sometime last week or this week...

“Silence doesn’t mean that person quits, it simply means that one doesn’t want to argue with people who just don’t want to understand...”

When I saw this quote, hey I saw this somewhere and even InstaStory this. 

I have been keeping quiet at work for almost a month or more. I just don’t feel like talking to anybody, not even the managers, bosses ... anybody (excluding my buddy lah hor)... I am just tired repeating myself the same old story to the same bunch of people, answering stupid questions (stupid questions exists okay!) and well of course double job. 

Honestly, main reason that made me keep quiet and not flagging for help was... someone in the team told me “don’t tell me you are busy thats why you cannot do these tasks.. other people are also busy, not only you. don’t tell me this nonsense...” to that person - do you how heartbroken I was? do you know to hear it from someone whom i look up to (i did confess to that person that she was my idol, i want to become like her) and someone whom i trust(ed) and rely(ied), it just broke my heart... i cried for a few nights because i didn’t expect those words from her. I wasn’t asking for an attention though, I was flagging for help. I appreciate people who took the effort to ask me why i couldn’t finish that task ~ have you ever wonder why i cannot finish? Do you know what have i been doing? Wait, in the first place, do you even ask me how am i doing with all the tasks given to me? The reason why i stopped talking....

if I am to write what I am doing, this will never end. HAH!

Well I had a good talk with my superior during my appraisal. She was pointing out that my attitude or maybe mood (i would say?) was unstable on certain days and she was wondering what happened. Ookay i listed it all down for her:  1. my job scope - i had corporate & catering  2. my buddy system - on top of corporate & catering, i had to do groups for both properties  3. and with all that nobody can help me except myself. 

okay she did pointed out the solutions - which i would agree it did helped me.. BUT a button needs to be pushed than the robots moved. we are in a team right? Why isn’t there anybody being pro-active & initiatives? 

okay she defended talking about introverts and extroverts *rolls eyes* then madam don’t talk about teamwork laaa - such a waste of time.. 

hmmm okay it wasn’t all about negativity throughout our conversation. i shared my concerns with her, my struggles, my limitations and my suggestions. If she wants to think that i am complaining - go ahead. i know people have been talking about me behind my back ~ saying how anal i am, how mafan, how nuisance i am. Well people, have you wondered why? Madam superior asked me to give some face to the managers... but madam superior, i hate your emails asking me questions why is things are done this way and not that way and i hate your replies asking me things that only the managers can answer. Hence, I choose to be strict in my work. HAIYAHHH madam superior, become strict, salah... not strict also salah *slaps forehead*

maybe because i am 2.5 years in this department doing the same old thing. no more challenges in my work. and since i know a lot of stuffs, people are taking advantage of me. And when i choose not to help, people say i am not helpful, selfish, lazy, no teamwork and etc... but do you know why i reject? 1. you are not my manager and why i must do your work? your admin doesn’t know how to do? ask her to learn then! why must it be me just because you need it urgently? 2. even though you are a superior level, you need to learn hor... i ask google if i don’t know, why not you? if you ask me how to do, i may teach. but if you plainly ask me to do just because you don’t know, hellyeah no man! So what i am an expert, you can be an expert too with lots of practice. I learned myself whenever i don’t know of a thing. if there is a need to go up to my madam superior, i will. go up to hotel M, i will. why must we be afraid of someone who is higher than us? we are unsure so we ask and as leaders, they should be grateful that there are people coming to them for help. but if those leaders reject you or give you a judging face ~ hey, that is not a leader, that person is just a human being who likes to lead...... 

i really hope i can close 2018 with a good news. new job, new environment, new set of challenges. i know the path is already written for me, i just need to be patient and soon i will get there ~ InshaAllah

When I walked into December, i thought ~ “oh man, it is the last month of 2018... what have i done and not done this year.. are my resolutions met, should it be carried forward or i can tick off the bucket...”

Well, I am all excited for December.. 2nd vacation is coming up to my favourite city, hmm getting new job probably? 

05 December ~ went to +82 cafe to celebrate Jin’s birthday. Apparently there was fan project for Jin’s birthday but his fan club here. To be honest, I was disappointed with the decorations and what they were offering to fans who came. I went for Wanna One’s Sungwoon birthday project - it was wayyyy much better. 

The decor was nothing interesting except his pictures and his character from BT21. Those pictures, i can also find on pinterest and the photo cards ~ you want good photos? Donate that we shall give you good card. Girls, if you are not that generous, nobody will follow and come to you hor... Buck up that Sales skills, in Sales, it not everything about money and cents.. Relationships are good too.. but wells, they deserve the effort lah hor. 

Went with my favourite ladies who has been agreeing to my nonsense. Thank you ladies <3 Well we went with a surprised purposed too. Maybe I should say that i was more surprised than the birthday girl. HAHA :D

It was my dear Faizah’s birthday. Even though it was super early, but yeah we managed to get slices of cake and had a mini celebration for her. It was always fun hanging out with these ladies. So many things to catch up - work, holidays, future plans, boyfriends... HAHA  Hmmmm how we met? Thank you to Oasia, we were colleagues and became good friends. We can click so easily that we can talk everything! and guess what, hahaha both of them are much much younger than me but we can click ~ okay either i’m young at heart or they are very mature. *giggles*

Okay, lets keep this blog short and simple, next topic will be up soon.  as what my Tumblr says, the posts will be everything about my rants... I need to have a healthy heart too, thus this would be one of the many ways which i hope can help! 

Last but not least, HAPPIEST Birthday to my favourite person <3

It’s finally Friday...