“Some infinities are bigger than other infinities"

Almost. What a strange word to describe a relationship with someone, but for you, there is really nothing better. We never would have worked, but oh god I almost believed we would have.

I can only describe us as almost. We were almost perfect. We almost had forever. You were almost mine. We were so close, my love.

And I think what I miss most is the ‘almost’. Sure, we ‘almost’ dated, but it’s so much more than that. We ‘almost’ cuddled on your couch under cozy blankets drinking cocoa and watching television. We 'almost’ planted kisses on one another when we parted. We almost wrapped our arms around each other at dances while staring into one another’s eyes and soaking in the magic. We almost bought each other cheesy Christmas presents and funny birthday cards. I almost got to wear your sweatshirts and I almost got to FaceTime you about my day. We almost held hands together in the hallway and ate lunch with our friends. I almost got to fall asleep on your chest after a movie day. I almost got you saying you loved me and telling me how much I meant to you. I almost had you in my arms. And those almosts hurt much more than the word 'dating’ ever could.

Was it easy? Walking in and out of my life…

People always make a big deal out of breakups from real relationships, but sometimes the ones that hurt the most are ‘almost relationships’. The ones where you were so close yet too far. Cause all you have are those little memories. The time we almost kissed. The time I almost asked you out. The time we were almost a couple. Because you don’t know for sure why it didn’t work out. You don’t know if they truly felt the same way. But still can’t stop thinking about how you were supposed to end up together How you two would be perfect for each other. And then you go back to being just barely friends. Seeing each other ever so often. And every time you see them it’s like it’s ending all over again. And the person that you used to never want to leave, now is the person you never want to see.

Almost Relationships

We almost made it. I almost called you “mine,” and you almost called me “yours.” I think we almost loved each-other. But the only thing I was sure about is that almost wasn’t good enough.

You’d be shocked at how many times I’ve almost kissed you.

Good things in life aren’t easy and rushed, you must come prepared to give it your all. Most of it will be hard, very hard, but it’s not an impossible dream. You have to keep going forward; keep the fire burning and go earn the things that make you happy.

One day and someday you’ll realize how much I cared for you and how much I loved you, but you left anyway. One day, I’ll forget everything about you and about us.

Thoughts of you exhaust me.

I was hurt. So I built my walls tall and high, certain not to let anyone in this time. But these beautiful wall climbers, emotional fools they kept growing all around, making small cracks and crevices in between the joints and the bricks, and I know not when, but love entered silently through those cracks, conquering my heart all over again. There I met you. Tall, mahogany eyes with a scar on the right eyebrow. I stop, breathless for a moment. Your stares, it burns every inch of my soul but somehow, the heat was comforting. You have that boyish smile that makes me stare and wonder whether your mouth tastes as sweet as your lies. But no, I must resist the urge to come closer at you. I can’t risk everything I have now, not again. But my inner soul says different. Why does she says that I must? Why does it feels like my pieces are slowly healing and coming back. When you’re there, filling up the gaps between our fingers, I feel like I am okay. Like I don’t need the prison walls I made for myself anymore, because this time will be different and better. It’s going to be well worth it.

It feels strange not having you around. Waking up every single morning without your name displayed on the screen of my phone makes me want to crawl back in bed. It’s so heavy and intense, I feel so empty inside and there’s no one to ask for help. No one will make sure that that I ate on time, or if I go out late at night. No one’s going to laugh at my joke or to grab my face whever I’m making funny faces. No one. There are also songs that just remind me of you; of the things that happened. All the hugs, the manly scent, your warm touch, your boyish smile, just everything really. It’s weird seeing flashbacks in my head because its giving me unwanted and unknown emotions inside of me. It making me both happy and miserable at the same time and it’s driving me absolutely crazy. I’m debating whether I should just accept it or deny that I was better months ago. Because you were there and there was us. I hate my reality that I was once happy and now I’m not.