whoa which way is up

....so many things I never did. Never had. Never said.

...b-but it's alright now. I won't have to worry about that anymore. I always thought feeling so much hurt meant you had something wonderful to look forward to in your future.... 

Hahaha. I see now how foolish it was of me to assume such a thing. I had no such thing waiting for me... and certainly no one to share such things with. 

...this life has been terrible to me. Terrible for everyone who has so much as come near me. I feel like I've made everyone's lives so much worse... 

There are so many I feel I should apologize to. So many people who have been made miserable by my behavior, and eventually just by my very existance.

Alistair. I'm sorry. I never meant anything harmful. I only wanted to get close to you. To help you. ...and maybe flirt a little, yes.... but I knew nothing would come of it. 

Which brings me to Simon. I suppose I was jealous of you. A little. You seemed interesting... and I wish we had met on better terms. Please take care of Alistair, although I don't think I need to remind you to. Because I know you will.

Chili. I'm so sorry you had to put up with me for so long... I probably wasn't much help to you, and I wish I could have helped so much more, rather than be consistently annoying. I was a failure in every sense of the word. I never helped you improve yourself, nor did I support you in the way I should have.

.....S-Sinbad. Gosh, Sinbad. I wanted to do so many things with you. Hang out and watch movies and read comic books and laugh about things and forget about the world for a little while. You were my best friend. 

...and did you know, Sinbad...? I... I believe I was a little in love with you.

B-But that doesn't really matter a-anymore I suppose. Even if I did tell you, it still w-wouldn't have mattered.... better to k-keep a friendship than l-lose it or make it awkward, y-y'know? Hahaha.... please be good when I'm gone... don't get hurt. Please.

At least... a-at least it's over now. The unanswered questions... the suffering... no more pain. Living without love for so long, the one thing I truly wished for... the only thing I ever wanted. A true, deep love with someone who wouldn't hurt me. 

But p-p-people like me don't get a f-fairy tale ending.

And I s-suppose.... s-suppose my life ends th-the way it was lived.

.....cold. C-cold and a-alone.

Things had gotten much worse, things had progressed in ways the doctors didn't think they would. They had thought perhaps his liver would be stronger than that, perhaps strong enough to last another year... but even then Cress had had his doubts. 

His alcohol problem deemed him ineligible for an organ transplant, of course. It was just protocol. Alcoholics were not allowed to receive a transplant when there were 'other, more needy people on the waiting list'. A blunt way to put it for sure, but... it made the point abundantly clear. 

It wouldn't be long, they figured. Probably not even a month.

Cress wrapped his arms around himself in an attempt to get himself to stop shaking. He was scared. 20 years old. Not even old enough to legally drink  alcohol in Unova, and the stuff was claiming his life in less than a month. 

And he was terrified. Not of death itself.

Something's up. They want me in asap. 

You know, if you're so inclined. 

You know there are very few things I'm not willing to share. Very very few. 

For now I'm at home. I insisted on it. I don't want to be in that stupid hospital any longer than I have to be! 

TIME TO MAKE SOME VALENTINES.

I won't sit around feeling sorry for myself this year. Nononono. Not until I get rejected by everyone! 

I'm gonna use this as an excuse to drink expensive chocolate liquor at a gay bar for hours until I end up passed out in a sea of dudes.

i'm gonna be 20. 

A: Who do you like and Why?

B: Have you ever been in love? If yes, how many times, and how do you know it was love?

C: Longest relationship you've ever been in, and why did it end?

D: Have you ever changed for someone, if yes, how?

E: Pretend I'm you ex, what do you want to say to me?

F: Have you ever been cheated on?

G: Have you ever cheated?

H: Would you date someone who's know for cheating, if yes why?

I: What's the most important part of a relationship?

J: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?

K: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on "breaks"?

L: How many people have you ever hooked up with?

M: What's one thing you regret saying or not saying, doing or not doing in a previous relationship?

N: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex?

O: Do you believe in the phrase, "Age is just a number?" Why or why not?

P: What about "Love at first sight"? Why or why not?

Q:Turn on's?

R: Turn off's?

S: What do you consider a deal breaker?

T: How do you know it's time to end a relationship?

U: Are you currently in a relationship? If yes, for how long? If no, how long have you been single?

V: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends?

W: Do you think people should date their friends?

X: How many relationships have you had?

Y: Do you think love can last forever?

Z: Do you believe love can conquer all things?

1:Would you break up with someone your parents didn't approve of?

2: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be?

3: Do you think long distance relationships can work? Why or why not?

4: What do you notice first about another person?