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indefinite hiatus for now folks.

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the ex-boyfriends.
@pattersunsetāāā Ā sang: Ā Ā Ā december in los angeles wasnāt cold.Ā Ā it wasnāt snowy.Ā but people still put up christmas lights,Ā Ā so that was something they could do to get in the christmas mood.Ā Ā Ā it was lukeās idea for a date night,Ā Ā Ā and alex didnāt put up too much of a fight.Ā Ā he was still holding his boyfriendās hand from when they ghosted into the neighborhood ...Ā Ā Ā and he didnāt plan on letting go anytime soon.Ā Ā (or ever.)Ā Ā āi wish it would snow,āĀ Ā Ā he mused out loud.Ā Ā Ā ālike a christmas miracle or whatever -Ā Ā Ā snow in los angeles.ā
christmas Ā had Ā always Ā been Ā a Ā big Ā holiday Ā for Ā the Ā mercer Ā family.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā for Ā as Ā long Ā as Ā alex Ā could Ā remember, Ā Ā Ā ššµš¼šš² Ā š±š®šš Ā šš²šæš² Ā š°š²š¹š²šÆšæš®šš²š± Ā šš¼ Ā ššµš²š¶šæ Ā š³šš¹š¹š²šš Ā š²š šš²š»š.Ā Ā Ā as Ā he Ā grew Ā older,Ā Ā Ā Ā his Ā love Ā for Ā the Ā holidayĀ fadedĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā only Ā anxietyĀ Ā wasĀ Ā leftĀ Ā inĀ Ā itsĀ Ā place. Ā Ā Ā it Ā was Ā a Ā time Ā where Ā he Ā had Ā to Ā try Ā to Ā hide Ā who Ā he Ā was Ā even Ā more Ā so Ā than Ā normal,Ā with Ā all Ā his Ā family Ā in Ā one Ā place Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā with Ā so Ā much Ā possibility Ā to Ā screw Ā it Ā up. Ā Ā Ā Ā š©šŖš“ Ā šš¢š“šµ Ā š¤š©š³šŖš“šµš®š¢š“ Ā š©š¢š„ Ā š£š¦š¦šÆ Ā šµš©š¦ Ā šøš°š³š“šµ Ā Ā Ā Ā : Ā Ā Ā Ā heād only Ā just Ā come Ā out Ā to Ā his Ā parents Ā a Ā few Ā weeks Ā prior, Ā Ā Ā Ā which Ā meant Ā things Ā were Ā even Ā more Ā tense. Ā Ā Ā they Ā pretended Ā to Ā be Ā this Ā perfect Ā happy family Ā in Ā front Ā of Ā the Ā others, Ā Ā Ā Ā while Ā they Ā had Ā ignored Ā his Ā existence Ā completely Ā prior. Ā Ā Ā Ā šš© Ā ššš Ā šššš£ Ā š¢šš£š©šš”š”š® Ā šššššŖšØš©šš£š.Ā Ā Ā afterwards,Ā Ā it Ā was Ā luke Ā that Ā had Ā helped Ā him Ā through Ā theĀ Ā emotionalĀ Ā turmoilĀ Ā ofĀ Ā itĀ Ā all.
as Ā they Ā walked Ā through Ā the Ā streets Ā now, Ā Ā Ā Ā fingers Ā interlocked, Ā Ā Ā Ā alex Ā thought Ā back Ā to Ā that Ā last Ā christmas. Ā Ā Ā Ā šššššš¢,Ā Ā Ā Ā šš Ā ššššššš Ā ššššš šššš Ā Ā Ā Ā ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ššš Ā ššššš Ā š ššš Ā ššš Ā ššš. Ā Ā Ā neither Ā of Ā them Ā had Ā the Ā happiest Ā memories, Ā Ā Ā yet Ā here Ā the Ā other Ā was Ā trying Ā to Ā make Ā him Ā feel Ā better Ā about Ā it Ā all. Ā Ā Ā Ā ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āāĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā one Ā of Ā us Ā would Ā probably Ā slip Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā crack Ā our Ā head Ā on Ā the Ā pavement.Ā Ā Ā Ā no Ā matter Ā that Ā weāre Ā already Ā dead. Ā Ā Ā Ā ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā despite Ā his Ā words, Ā Ā Ā a Ā smile Ā curved Ā his Ā cheeks Ā at Ā the Ā thought Ā of Ā a Ā white Ā christmas. Ā Ā Ā Ā if Ā it Ā would Ā make Ā his Ā boyfriend Ā happy,Ā Ā Ā Ā he Ā would Ā be Ā able Ā to Ā put Ā up Ā with Ā a Ā little Ā danger. Ā Ā Ā Ā ā Ā Ā Ā Ā šš®š¶š,Ā Ā Ā š®šæš² Ā ššµš¼šš² Ā šš®š¹šøš¶š»š“ Ā ššæš²š²š? Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā Ā Ā
Alex, you all right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, why?
iām piggybacking off of ellie and kitty but basically alex is the son of anna and kristoff and dies along with reggie because they share the food that's meant to kill reggie :)Ā

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parents will break your heart before anybody else can
someone introduce alex to highlighterĀ š„ŗ imagine him with that lil sparkle on his cheeks!!! heād be so pretty!! my glowing baby!!!
sunset curve: alex + luke
Send ā£ļø to catch my muse under a Mistletoe!
(insp)

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ā« Ā Ā Ā ā Ā Ā Ā Ā SHINEMADE , Ā Ā 001.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā afterĀ theĀ orpheumĀ ,Ā fallingĀ intoĀ aĀ differentĀ ,Ā betterĀ dynamicĀ withĀ eachĀ ofĀ theĀ guysĀ hadĀ beenĀ aĀ processĀ .Ā physicalĀ intimacyĀ isĀ easyĀ whenĀ emotionsĀ areĀ runningĀ highĀ āĀ feelingĀ themĀ forĀ theĀ firstĀ timeĀ broughtĀ onĀ aĀ senseĀ ofĀ joyĀ toĀ whichĀ wordsĀ wouldĀ doĀ noĀ justiceĀ ;Ā itĀ wasĀ likeĀ comingĀ homeĀ .Ā likeĀ leapingĀ intoĀ safetyĀ ,Ā soĀ warmĀ &Ā blissfulĀ thatĀ forĀ theĀ briefestĀ secondĀ ,Ā sheĀ couldāveĀ swornĀ herĀ momĀ wasĀ partĀ ofĀ theirĀ groupĀ hugĀ ,Ā tooĀ .Ā itĀ wasĀ afterĀ thatĀ nightĀ ,Ā whenĀ thingsĀ hadĀ fallenĀ backĀ intoĀ someĀ semblanceĀ ofĀ normalĀ thatĀ theĀ harderĀ partĀ cameĀ .Ā touchĀ becameĀ moreĀ tentativeĀ ,Ā moreĀ carefulĀ āĀ sheĀ wasĀ afraidĀ sheādĀ beĀ soĀ grosslyĀ wokenĀ upĀ fromĀ aĀ beautifulĀ dreamĀ ifĀ herĀ handĀ daredĀ goĀ throughĀ themĀ .Ā ifĀ theyādĀ lostĀ whatĀ theyĀ justĀ barelyĀ gotĀ .Ā confidenceĀ inĀ playfulĀ nudgesĀ &Ā reassuringĀ brushesĀ builtĀ upĀ withĀ timeĀ .Ā &Ā asĀ alexāsĀ headĀ restsĀ intoĀ herĀ lapĀ nowĀ likeĀ anĀ oldĀ habitĀ ,Ā sheĀ doesnātĀ flinchĀ .Ā sheĀ smilesĀ &Ā meetsĀ hisĀ gazeĀ withĀ aĀ firmĀ convictionĀ thatĀ sheĀ finallyĀ hasĀ aĀ graspĀ onĀ theirĀ newĀ realityĀ .Ā sheāsĀ acceptedĀ itĀ .Ā sheāsĀ holdingĀ itĀ nowĀ closeĀ toĀ herĀ chestĀ &Ā thereāsĀ noĀ lettingĀ goĀ .Ā Ā āĀ okayĀ ,Ā ouchĀ āĀ ??Ā āĀ sheĀ laughsĀ ,Ā removingĀ hisĀ backwardsĀ capĀ beforeĀ theĀ brimĀ ofĀ hisĀ hatĀ canĀ sinkĀ intoĀ herĀ thighĀ anyĀ furtherĀ .Ā Ā āĀ youĀ seemĀ chipperĀ .Ā Ā āĀ Ā
after Ā almost Ā dying Ā for Ā the Ā second Ā time,Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ššµš²š Ā š±š²šš²šæšš²š± Ā šš¼šŗš² Ā š½š²š®š°š². Ā while Ā being Ā dead Ā could Ā neverĀ Ā truly Ā grant Ā him Ā that,Ā Ā being Ā here Ā with Ā his Ā friends Ā ( Ā Ā š©šŖš“ Ā š§š¢š®šŖššŗ Ā ),Ā Ā Ā was Ā more Ā than Ā he Ā couldāve Ā ever Ā wished Ā for.Ā Ā with Ā caleb Ā no Ā longer Ā in Ā the Ā picture Ā Ā Ā Ā : Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā they Ā hadnāt Ā seen Ā him Ā since Ā the Ā night Ā at Ā the Ā orpheum Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā their Ā careful Ā admission Ā that Ā Ā maybe Ā he Ā had Ā given Ā up,Ā Ā Ā they Ā could Ā finally Ā put Ā all Ā their Ā energy Ā into Ā the Ā band. Ā Ā Ā somehow, Ā Ā Ā almost Ā losing each Ā other Ā had Ā also Ā brought Ā them Ā closer. Ā Ā Ā with Ā the Ā added Ā benefit Ā of Ā touch, Ā Ā šššØ Ā šš§ššš£ššØššš„ Ā š¬šš©š Ā ššŖš”šš Ā ššš Ā šš”š¤šŖš§ššØššš.Ā Ā for Ā the Ā longest Ā time, Ā Ā he Ā had Ā been Ā convinced Ā that Ā heĀ would Ā never Ā find Ā family Ā in Ā another Ā person Ā the Ā way Ā he Ā had Ā with Ā luke Ā andĀ reggie,Ā Ā Ā but Ā here Ā sheĀ Ā wasĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā : Ā Ā Ā Ā all Ā Ā bright, Ā Ā a Ā star Ā in Ā their Ā skies. Ā Ā Ā
as Ā he Ā plops Ā down Ā with Ā his Ā head Ā on Ā her Ā lap Ā now, Ā Ā Ā Ā šš Ā ššššš Ā ššššš¢ Ā šš Ā šššš. Ā Ā Ā for Ā once,Ā Ā Ā the Ā anxiety Ā in Ā his Ā chest Ā stays Ā put. Ā Ā Ā he Ā lets Ā her Ā remove Ā his Ā cap, Ā Ā lifting Ā his Ā head Ā slightly Ā to Ā help, Ā Ā Ā before Ā he Ā drops Ā it Ā back Ā down. Ā Ā his Ā legs Ā are Ā slung Ā over Ā the Ā other Ā side Ā of Ā the Ā couch. Ā Ā Ā šµš²šæ Ā šš¼šæš±š Ā š°š®šš°šµ Ā šµš¶šŗ Ā šÆš Ā šššæš½šæš¶šš².Ā Ā Ā Ā there Ā wasnāt Ā really Ā a Ā reason Ā for Ā his Ā upbeat Ā mood,Ā Ā Ā Ā but Ā her Ā observation Ā was Ā correct.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā š©š¦ Ā šøš¢š“ Ā š©š¢š±š±šŗ.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āāĀ Ā Ā Ā yeah, Ā Ā i Ā guess. Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā he Ā clears Ā his Ā throat Ā before Ā continuing,Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā luke Ā wanted Ā to Ā plan Ā in Ā an Ā extra Ā rehearsal Ā later. Ā Ā Ā Ā i Ā think Ā heās Ā nervous Ā about Ā our Ā next Ā gig, Ā Ā even Ā if Ā he Ā doesnāt Ā wanna Ā ššššš Ā it. Ā Ā Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā
i personally love to over analyze everything and suffer
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā šµš¶š“šµš¹š Ā š½šæš¶šš®šš² Ā Ā Ā and Ā Ā Ā š§š¢šŖš³ššŗ Ā š“š¦šš¦š¤šµšŖš·š¦ Ā Ā canonĀ Ā character,Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā alex āĀ Ā fromĀ Ā Ā ššššš Ā ššš Ā ššš Ā šššššššš.Ā Ā Ā© Ā Ā
ā« Ā Ā Ā Ā ā Ā Ā Ā Ā PHANTMBASS , Ā Ā 001.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā WHEN HE OPENEDĀ the front door, Reggie let the sound of his parents loudly arguing in Czech out into the mostly-quiet neighborhood. Slipping out the door and closing it behind him, the sound was suddenly dampened to muffled shouting youād only understand if you knew the language.Ā
He was surprised to see Alex at his door. He hoped the cooler night air would help calm the upset red of his cheeks and dry his over-bright eyes ā he hadnāt cried that night, but heād gotten close ā but despite the self-conscious thrum of discomfort he had with having one of his favorite peopleĀ experience what one of the tamer nights at the Novak household was like, he was immediately worried.Ā
āHey, Man,ā he said, his voice rough from disuse ā he rarely spoke at home these days ā but with a quick cough, he sounded more and more like himself.Ā āShit, did something happen? Whatās wrong?āĀ
theĀ Ā nightĀ Ā hadnātĀ Ā goneĀ Ā asĀ Ā planned.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā šµš²Ā Ā šµš®š±š»'šĀ Ā šŗš²š®š»šĀ Ā š³š¼šæĀ Ā š¶šĀ Ā šš¼Ā Ā š°š¼šŗš²Ā Ā š¼ššĀ Ā ššµš¶šĀ šš®š.Ā Ā Ā Ā itĀ Ā wasĀ Ā supposedĀ Ā toĀ Ā beĀ Ā aĀ Ā regularĀ Ā eveningĀ Ā dinner,Ā Ā Ā likeĀ Ā allĀ Ā others.Ā Ā Ā Ā instead,Ā Ā itĀ Ā hadĀ Ā turnedĀ Ā intoĀ Ā theĀ Ā worstĀ Ā nightĀ Ā ofĀ Ā hisĀ Ā life.Ā Ā Ā Ā asĀ Ā theĀ Ā doorĀ Ā openedĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā theĀ Ā foreignĀ Ā languageĀ Ā reachedĀ Ā hisĀ Ā ears,Ā Ā Ā Ā heĀ Ā almostĀ Ā immediatelyĀ Ā regrettedĀ Ā comingĀ Ā here.Ā Ā Ā Ā š©šŖš“Ā Ā š§š³šŖš¦šÆš„Ā Ā šøš¢š“Ā Ā š¢šš³š¦š¢š„šŗĀ Ā š„š¦š¢ššŖšÆšØĀ Ā šøšŖšµš©Ā Ā š“š°Ā Ā š®š¶š¤š©,Ā Ā Ā Ā yetĀ Ā hereĀ Ā heĀ Ā wasĀ Ā addingĀ Ā moreĀ Ā shitĀ Ā toĀ Ā it.Ā Ā Ā Ā
he Ā managed Ā to Ā blink Ā the Ā tears Ā gathering Ā in Ā his Ā eyes Ā away, Ā Ā Ā a Ā weak Ā smile Ā stretching Ā his Ā cheeks.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ššš®,Ā Ā Ā š§šš. Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā Ā Ā Ā Ā as Ā soon Ā as Ā he Ā had Ā managed Ā to Ā scramble Ā out Ā of Ā his Ā Ā house Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā towards Ā Ā his Ā Ā bike, Ā Ā Ā Ā his Ā feet Ā hadĀ Ā takenĀ Ā control.Ā Ā Ā Ā he Ā hadnāt Ā ridden Ā the Ā old Ā thing Ā in Ā what Ā felt Ā like Ā forever,Ā Ā Ā Ā after Ā having Ā gotten Ā a Ā car Ā forĀ Ā Ā ššš Ā ššš”šššššš Ā Ā šššššššš¢. Ā Ā he Ā hadnāt Ā had Ā time Ā to Ā grab Ā the Ā keys Ā though,Ā Ā which Ā led Ā him Ā to Ā pedal Ā his Ā way Ā towards Ā his Ā friend.
ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā i, Ā Ā Ā uh, Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āā Ā Ā Ā Ā i Ā told Ā them. Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā Ā Ā Ā Ā he Ā figured Ā the Ā other would Ā catch Ā on Ā quick, Ā Ā Ā Ā hopping Ā from Ā one Ā foot Ā Ā to Ā Ā another Ā while Ā awaiting Ā his Ā response. Ā Ā Ā the Ā smarming Ā of Ā his Ā cheekĀ Ā š® Ā š½š®š¶š»š³šš¹ Ā šæš²šŗš¶š»š±š²šæĀ of Ā the Ā eveningās Ā events Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā it Ā Ā is Ā only Ā then Ā that Ā he Ā remembers Ā his Ā lack Ā of Ā a Ā jacket Ā asĀ Ā the Ā cold Ā bites Ā into Ā his Ā skin. Ā Ā Ā summer Ā had Ā ended Ā only Ā a Ā few Ā weeks Ā prior, Ā Ā Ā but Ā the Ā nights Ā had Ā already Ā started Ā to Ā cool Ā down Ā considerably. Ā Ā Ā š©š¦ Ā šøš³š¢š±š±š¦š„ Ā š©šŖš“ Ā š¢š³š®š“ Ā š¢š³š°š¶šÆš„ Ā š©šŖš“ Ā šøš¢šŖš“šµ.
ā« Ā Ā Ā Ā ā Ā Ā Ā Ā PAHTTERSON , Ā Ā 001.
Ā Ā Ā not that he keeps track,Ā Ā but this is probably one of the worst days of his life.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā heĀ flopsĀ downĀ nextĀ toĀ alexĀ withoutĀ evenĀ thinking,Ā Ā fullyĀ focusedĀ onĀ theĀ emptyĀ halfĀ ofĀ theĀ couchĀ callingĀ hisĀ name.Ā Ā Ā Ā onceĀ settled,Ā Ā lukeĀ shakesĀ theĀ rainwaterĀ fromĀ hisĀ hairĀ andĀ Ā REFLECTSĀ Ā :Ā Ā thinksĀ ofĀ theirĀ latestĀ rejection,Ā Ā hisĀ flatĀ bikeĀ tire,Ā Ā andĀ aĀ stormĀ theyĀ saidĀ wasnātĀ supposedĀ toĀ hitĀ forĀ anotherĀ threeĀ hours.Ā Ā Ā Ā alexāsĀ shoulderĀ isĀ warmĀ Ā (Ā Ā he was smart enough to stay inside,Ā Ā it seems.Ā Ā ),Ā Ā andĀ lukeĀ isĀ aĀ mothĀ toĀ light,Ā Ā restingĀ hisĀ headĀ thereĀ asĀ heĀ triesĀ toĀ makeĀ theĀ garageĀ feelĀ likeĀ home.Ā Ā Ā Ā EVENTUALLY,Ā Ā heĀ thinks,Ā Ā ITāLLĀ TAKE.Ā Ā Ā Ā ankleĀ -Ā deepĀ inĀ fatigueĀ andĀ disappointment,Ā Ā heĀ barelyĀ noticesĀ alexāsĀ headĀ knockĀ againstĀ hisĀ Ā Ā ;Ā Ā Ā andĀ theĀ sameĀ goesĀ forĀ theĀ wordsĀ heĀ nearĀ -Ā whispers. Ā
Ā Ā Ā allĀ atĀ once,Ā Ā lukeĀ isĀ tryingĀ toĀ makeĀ senseĀ ofĀ howĀ warmĀ heĀ feelsĀ Ā -Ā Ā howĀ theĀ sun,Ā Ā whichĀ heĀ thoughtĀ wasĀ obscuredĀ behindĀ theĀ clouds,Ā Ā managedĀ toĀ findĀ itsĀ wayĀ intoĀ hisĀ chest.Ā Ā Ā orĀ rather,Ā Ā besideĀ him,Ā Ā murmuringĀ thingsĀ thatĀ addĀ bricksĀ toĀ theĀ houseĀ theyāveĀ beenĀ tryingĀ toĀ build.Ā Ā Ā Ā lukeĀ knowsĀ heĀ lovesĀ alex,Ā Ā butĀ heĀ alsoĀ knowsĀ heĀ Ā likesĀ Ā alex,Ā Ā whichĀ shouldĀ beĀ soĀ easyĀ forĀ aĀ wordsmithĀ likeĀ himĀ toĀ say.Ā Ā Ā Ā hisĀ fearsĀ Ā (Ā Ā the thought of losing alex,Ā Ā making him feel the opposite of what he intentions,Ā Ā )Ā Ā Ā keepĀ lyricsĀ heĀ couldĀ writeĀ resignedĀ toĀ hisĀ head.Ā Ā Ā mostĀ ofĀ them.
Ā Ā Ā ā Ā Ā āĀ Ā whatādĀ youĀ sayĀ ?Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā thereāsĀ aĀ slowĀ smileĀ thatĀ spreadsĀ acrossĀ hisĀ face,Ā Ā oneĀ thatĀ indicatesĀ heĀ definitelyĀ heardĀ whatĀ heĀ said.Ā Ā Ā whenĀ alexĀ givesĀ himĀ thatĀ Ā KNOWINGĀ LOOK,Ā Ā allĀ heĀ canĀ doĀ isĀ laughĀ Ā -Ā Ā Ā aĀ weakerĀ soundĀ thanĀ normal,Ā Ā butĀ aĀ brightĀ oneĀ nonetheless.Ā Ā Ā lukeĀ hopesĀ thatĀ heĀ canĀ seeĀ rightĀ throughĀ him.Ā Ā Ā maybeĀ then,Ā Ā heĀ wonātĀ haveĀ toĀ sayĀ anythingĀ atĀ all,Ā Ā andĀ theĀ feelingĀ ofĀ hisĀ cheekĀ smushedĀ againstĀ alexāsĀ shoulderĀ willĀ tellĀ himĀ everythingĀ heĀ needsĀ toĀ know. Ā Ā Ā Ā āĀ Ā youĀ wereĀ rightĀ aboutĀ theĀ rain.Ā Ā Ā Ā itāsĀ likeĀ Ā ā¦Ā Ā pouringĀ outĀ there. Ā Ā āĀ Ā
there Ā were Ā very Ā few Ā things Ā alex Ā was Ā certain Ā of Ā in Ā his Ā life.Ā Ā Ā Ā he Ā was Ā young,Ā Ā Ā Ā inexperienced Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā quite Ā honestly, Ā Ā Ā Ā š®š» Ā š®š»š š¶š¼šš Ā šŗš²šš.Ā Ā Ā most Ā days,Ā Ā he Ā was Ā okay Ā with Ā this Ā realization.Ā Ā Ā he Ā didnāt Ā need Ā toĀ have Ā it Ā all Ā figured Ā out Ā yet.Ā Ā Ā Ā šµš©š¦š³š¦ Ā šøš¢š“ Ā šµšŖš®š¦.Ā Ā Ā one Ā thing Ā that Ā he Ā did Ā know Ā was Ā this Ā Ā Ā Ā : Ā Ā Ā Ā luke Ā patterson Ā walked Ā into Ā his Ā life,Ā Ā Ā Ā stole Ā his Ā heartĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā had Ā refused Ā to Ā give Ā it Ā back Ā ever Ā since. Ā Ā Ā Ā the Ā thing Ā is,Ā Ā Ā he Ā found Ā he Ā didnāt Ā mind.Ā Ā Ā itĀ shouldāve Ā made Ā things Ā weird,Ā Ā Ā which Ā admittedly,Ā Ā Ā it Ā was Ā at Ā first.Ā Ā Ā he Ā was Ā too Ā much Ā in Ā hisĀ Ā ownĀ Ā head, Ā Ā Ā worrying Ā about Ā every Ā little Ā thing Ā he Ā did Ā around Ā the Ā other Ā boy.Ā Ā Ā eventually,Ā he Ā realized Ā he Ā was Ā acting Ā like Ā an Ā idiot. Ā Ā Ā š©šš Ā ššš£š Ā š¬ššØ Ā š¢š¤š§š Ā šš¢š„š¤š§š©šš£š© Ā š©ššš£ Ā šššØ Ā šŖš£š§šš¦šŖšš©šš Ā šššš”šš£ššØ.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā thatās Ā what Ā he Ā told Ā himself Ā every Ā day, Ā Ā Ā even Ā now, Ā Ā Ā as Ā luke Ā flopped Ā down Ā next Ā to Ā him Ā on Ā the Ā couch.
Ā itĀ Ā wasĀ Ā obviousĀ Ā thatĀ Ā hisĀ Ā dayĀ Ā hadnātĀ Ā goneĀ Ā quiteĀ Ā asĀ Ā planned,Ā Ā Ā withĀ Ā theĀ Ā rainĀ drippingĀ Ā fromĀ Ā hisĀ Ā hairĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā theĀ Ā defeatedĀ Ā slouchĀ Ā ofĀ Ā hisĀ Ā shoulders.Ā Ā Ā Ā ššššššššššš¢Ā Ā šššĀ Ā ššššĀ Ā ššĀ Ā šššššššĀ Ā šššĀ Ā ššššš,Ā Ā Ā Ā aĀ Ā tightĀ Ā pullingĀ Ā atĀ Ā hisĀ Ā gut.Ā Ā Ā Ā heĀ hatedĀ Ā seeingĀ Ā lukeĀ Ā inĀ Ā pain,Ā Ā Ā Ā noĀ Ā matterĀ Ā theĀ Ā reason.Ā Ā Ā Ā so,Ā Ā Ā whenĀ Ā heĀ Ā toldĀ Ā himĀ theĀ Ā otherĀ Ā wasĀ Ā hisĀ Ā goodĀ Ā days,Ā Ā Ā Ā š¶šĀ Ā šµš®š±Ā Ā š°š¼šŗš²Ā Ā šš¶ššµš¼ššĀ Ā š®Ā Ā šš²š°š¼š»š±Ā Ā ššµš¼šš“šµš.Ā Ā Ā Ā hisĀ lipsĀ Ā ranĀ Ā withĀ Ā theĀ Ā wordsĀ Ā beforeĀ Ā heĀ Ā hadĀ Ā anyĀ Ā ideaĀ Ā heĀ Ā evenĀ Ā wantedĀ Ā toĀ Ā sayĀ Ā them.Ā Ā
ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā youāre Ā insufferable. Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā thereās Ā a Ā roll Ā of Ā his Ā eyes. Ā Ā Ā despite Ā this,Ā Ā his Ā anxiety Ā dissipated. Ā Ā Ā Ā š©š¢š·šŖšÆšØ Ā šš¶š¬š¦ Ā šµš¦š¢š“š¦ Ā š©šŖš® Ā š¢š£š°š¶šµ Ā š©šŖš“ Ā š¤š©š¦š¦š“šŖšÆš¦š“š“ Ā šøš¢š“ Ā š£š¦šµšµš¦š³ Ā šµš©š¢šÆ Ā š£š¦šŖšÆšØ Ā šµš¢š¬š¦šÆ Ā š“š¦š³šŖš°š¶š“ššŗ.Ā Ā Ā if Ā the Ā other Ā figured Ā out Ā how Ā he Ā really Ā felt, Ā Ā Ā he Ā didnāt Ā know Ā if Ā their Ā friendship Ā would Ā remain Ā the Ā same. Ā Ā Ā heād Ā rather Ā have Ā luke Ā in Ā his Ā life Ā like Ā this, Ā Ā than Ā not Ā have Ā him Ā it Ā all.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā iām Ā always Ā right.Ā Ā Ā you Ā just Ā never Ā listen.Ā Ā Ā Ā āāĀ Ā Ā Ā š®š¤šŖ Ā š©šš”š Ā š©š¤ Ā š§ššššš? Ā Ā Ā Ā ā

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ā« Ā Ā Ā ā Ā Ā Ā Ā SPRKBRIGHT , Ā Ā 001.
inĀ theĀ pastĀ year,Ā julieĀ hasĀ talkedĀ aboutĀ herĀ motherĀ inĀ aĀ numberĀ ofĀ ways.Ā mostĀ commonĀ wasĀ factuallyĀ āĀ momĀ passedĀ aĀ yearĀ ago,Ā cancer,Ā itĀ allĀ happenedĀ suddenly.Ā weāreĀ doingĀ fine.Ā Ā itĀ makesĀ herĀ feelĀ likeĀ aĀ journalistĀ reportingĀ herĀ ownĀ life,Ā butĀ itĀ givesĀ herĀ theĀ mostĀ protection.Ā Ā ( itāsĀ easyĀ toĀ wardĀ theĀ pitiedĀ glancesĀ ifĀ sheĀ doesnātĀ lookĀ upset. )Ā Ā theĀ secondĀ wasĀ sentimentally,Ā onlyĀ withĀ carlos,Ā dadĀ andĀ flynn.Ā Ā littleĀ stories,Ā funnyĀ memories,Ā piecesĀ justĀ withinĀ reach,Ā aĀ safeĀ distanceĀ fromĀ theĀ heartĀ ofĀ things.Ā Ā
this,Ā withĀ alex,Ā feltĀ likeĀ unchartedĀ territory.Ā Ā thereāsĀ aĀ roughĀ guidelineĀ fromĀ theĀ excruciatingĀ daysĀ inĀ theĀ after,Ā whereĀ allĀ sheĀ couldĀ doĀ wasĀ sob.Ā Ā dadĀ andĀ carlosĀ wereĀ heldĀ atĀ aĀ distance,Ā likeĀ theirĀ veryĀ presenceĀ wasĀ enoughĀ toĀ drownĀ herĀ inĀ evenĀ moreĀ reasonsĀ whyĀ sheĀ wasnātĀ okay.Ā Ā flynnĀ hadĀ heardĀ theĀ mostĀ ofĀ it,Ā everyĀ thought,Ā everyĀ story,Ā eachĀ shardĀ ofĀ theĀ brokenĀ heartĀ thatĀ roseĀ molinaĀ hadĀ leftĀ inĀ herĀ wake.Ā Ā
sheĀ damnsĀ theĀ small,Ā vulnerableĀ soundĀ ofĀ herĀ breathĀ asĀ itĀ shudders,Ā shakingĀ theĀ seamsĀ ofĀ someoneĀ heldĀ togetherĀ byĀ herĀ ownĀ shakyĀ patchwork.Ā Ā āiĀ reallyĀ hopeĀ so.āĀ Ā theĀ music,Ā theĀ studio,Ā theĀ bandĀ thatĀ sheādĀ knownĀ inĀ anotherĀ life.Ā Ā eachĀ threadĀ isĀ there,Ā tyingĀ theĀ molinaĀ womenĀ togetherĀ inĀ aĀ wayĀ that,Ā literally,Ā defiedĀ death.Ā Ā julieĀ catchesĀ theĀ endĀ ofĀ hisĀ encouragement,Ā theĀ kindnessĀ inĀ hisĀ expression,Ā andĀ laughs.Ā Ā tears,Ā heldĀ atĀ bayĀ untilĀ thisĀ burstĀ ofĀ emotion,Ā springĀ forth,Ā streamingĀ downĀ herĀ cheeks.Ā Ā sheĀ canātĀ tellĀ ifĀ sheāsĀ happyĀ orĀ sad.Ā Ā maybeĀ both.Ā Ā thereāsĀ aĀ longĀ momentĀ beforeĀ sheĀ feelsĀ composedĀ enoughĀ toĀ speak,Ā toĀ shiftĀ topics,Ā toĀ takeĀ theĀ vulnerabilityĀ andĀ turnĀ itĀ around.
ādoĀ youĀ rememberĀ yourĀ parents?ā
heĀ Ā sitsĀ Ā there,Ā Ā Ā Ā allowingĀ Ā theĀ Ā silenceĀ Ā toĀ Ā stretchĀ Ā overĀ Ā them.Ā Ā Ā whileĀ Ā heĀ Ā cannotĀ hugĀ Ā herĀ Ā asĀ Ā sheĀ Ā cries,Ā Ā Ā Ā heĀ Ā canĀ Ā giveĀ Ā herĀ Ā theĀ Ā spaceĀ Ā toĀ Ā doĀ Ā so.Ā Ā Ā š©š¦Ā Ā š°šÆššŗĀ Ā š©š°š±š¦š“Ā š©šŖš“Ā Ā š±š³š¦š“š¦šÆš¤š¦Ā Ā š£š³šŖšÆšØš“Ā Ā š©š¦š³Ā Ā šµš©š¦Ā Ā š“š¢š®š¦Ā Ā š¤š°š®š§š°š³šµĀ Ā š“š©š¦Ā Ā š°š§šµš¦šÆĀ Ā šØš¢š·š¦Ā Ā š©šŖš®.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā timeĀ Ā passesĀ slowly,Ā Ā Ā Ā hisĀ Ā bodyĀ Ā almostĀ Ā touchingĀ Ā hers.Ā Ā Ā Ā aĀ Ā quietĀ Ā promiseĀ Ā onĀ Ā itsĀ Ā own.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā heĀ waitsĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā putsĀ Ā theĀ Ā conversationĀ Ā inĀ Ā julieāsĀ Ā control.Ā Ā Ā Ā onceĀ Ā sheĀ Ā finallyĀ Ā managesĀ Ā toĀ musterĀ Ā theĀ courageĀ Ā toĀ Ā speak,Ā Ā Ā heĀ Ā isnātĀ Ā surprisedĀ Ā byĀ Ā herĀ Ā question.
still,Ā Ā Ā thereāsĀ Ā aĀ Ā sharpĀ Ā painĀ Ā inĀ Ā hisĀ Ā chestĀ Ā atĀ Ā theĀ Ā inquiry.Ā Ā Ā Ā knewĀ Ā vulnerabilityĀ Ā wasĀ aĀ Ā two - wayĀ Ā street,Ā Ā Ā butĀ Ā everythingĀ Ā aboutĀ Ā itĀ Ā madeĀ Ā hisĀ Ā breathĀ Ā shudder,Ā Ā Ā Ā panicĀ risingĀ Ā deepĀ Ā withinĀ Ā hisĀ Ā chest.Ā Ā Ā Ā šµš²Ā Ā ššæš¶š²šĀ Ā šš¼Ā Ā ššš®š¹š¹š¼šĀ Ā š¶šĀ Ā š®šš®š.Ā Ā Ā Ā pressesĀ Ā hisĀ Ā nailsĀ intoĀ Ā theĀ Ā fleshĀ Ā ofĀ Ā hisĀ Ā palmsĀ Ā asĀ Ā heĀ Ā considersĀ Ā aĀ Ā response.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āāĀ Ā Ā thereāsĀ Ā theĀ Ā goodĀ Ā memoriesĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā :Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā familyĀ Ā holidays,Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā movieĀ Ā nights,Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā theĀ Ā christmasĀ Ā theyĀ Ā giftedĀ Ā himĀ Ā hisĀ Ā firstĀ Ā drumĀ Ā set.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā heĀ Ā doesnātĀ Ā reallyĀ Ā haveĀ Ā toĀ Ā digĀ Ā forĀ Ā those.Ā Ā Ā Ā mostĀ Ā ofĀ Ā hisĀ Ā lifeĀ Ā hadĀ Ā beenĀ Ā good.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā almostĀ Ā perfect,Ā Ā Ā evenĀ Ā Ā .Ā .Ā .Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā butĀ Ā thatĀ Ā wasĀ Ā theĀ Ā before.Ā Ā Ā Ā šššššĀ Ā ššššššššĀ Ā šššĀ Ā ššššš.
āĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā yeah.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā theyĀ Ā werenātĀ Ā likeĀ Ā reggieās,Ā Ā Ā Ā whoĀ Ā foughtĀ Ā aĀ Ā lotĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā theyĀ Ā supportedĀ Ā theĀ Ā band,Ā Ā Ā unlikeĀ Ā lukeās.Ā Ā Ā soĀ Ā iĀ Ā guessĀ Ā thatĀ Ā meansĀ Ā theyĀ Ā wereĀ Ā Ā šš¤š¤šĀ Ā š„šš§šš£š©šØ,Ā Ā Ā Ā right?Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā heĀ Ā posesĀ Ā itĀ Ā asĀ Ā aĀ question,Ā Ā Ā Ā butĀ Ā hisĀ Ā lipsĀ twistĀ Ā intoĀ Ā aĀ Ā lacklusterĀ Ā smile,Ā Ā Ā Ā knowingĀ Ā thatĀ Ā thingsĀ Ā wereĀ Ā neverĀ Ā trulyĀ Ā thatĀ Ā simple.Ā
his Ā fingers Ā tap Ā against Ā his Ā leg.Ā Ā Ā thereās Ā a Ā scene Ā of Ā a Ā time Ā when Ā he Ā was Ā still Ā alive,Ā Ā Ā playing Ā behind Ā forest Ā hues.Ā Ā šŖšµāš“ Ā Ā šŖš®š¢šØš¦š“ Ā š°š§ Ā š¢ Ā š„šŖšÆšÆš¦š³,Ā a Ā broken Ā plate Ā shattered Ā on Ā the Ā floor,Ā Ā Ā salty Ā tears Ā in Ā eyes Ā that Ā resembledĀ his Ā own.Ā Ā Ā Ā heās Ā pulled Ā inĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā he Ā Ā doesnāt Ā know Ā how Ā to Ā get Ā out.Ā Ā Ā Ā āāĀ Ā Ā Ā logically,Ā Ā he Ā knows Ā that Ā heās Ā not Ā there.Ā Ā šµš²āš Ā š¶š» Ā ššµš² Ā šš®š³š²šš Ā š¼š³ Ā š·šš¹š¶š²āš Ā šæš¼š¼šŗ.Ā Ā Ā yet Ā his Ā lungs Ā refuse Ā to Ā fill Ā with Ā air.Ā Ā Ā he Ā chokes Ā on Ā the Ā panic Ā clawing Ā its Ā way Ā up Ā his Ā throat.Ā Ā he Ā gasps Ā for Ā breath Ā butĀ Ā all Ā that Ā fills Ā him Ā isĀ Ā ššš Ā ššššš Ā ššššš Ā šš Ā š Ā šššššš Ā šš Ā šššš Ā šššššš Ā ššššššš Ā š ššš Ā ššš Ā ššššš.Ā Ā Ā Ā heās Ā dyingĀ Ā allĀ Ā overĀ Ā againĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā he Ā doesnāt Ā know Ā how Ā to Ā stop.
EDITS Ā Ā Ā Ā āāāā- Ā Ā Ā ALEX'S Ā VISAGE Ā Ā Ā * Ā Ā Ā Ā 1 / ? Ā . * MUTUALS MAY REBLOG . Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā personals Ā donāt Ā interact .