hey um sorry if this is rude to ask but could you explain a bit what bpd feels like??
(anon who just sent an ask about bpd, its mainly because iām mentally ill but not sure if i have bpd symptoms or thats my other symptoms being awful and rearing their ugly heads aha)
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[ tw for suicide and self-harm below ]
AIGHT so I think some of the most common symptoms youāll see listed for bpd is assuming everyone hates you more than they really do, fear of abandonment (and lashing out in some way to prevent said abandonment), suicidal/self-harming tendencies, and dissociation, which is pretty much what I get in a nutshell
I tend to be the type who blames themselves for everything (thereās also the āI blame everyoneā type) even when itās clearly not their fault, and if Iām accused of doing something wrong - whether I know itās my fault or I know the other person is twisting the story completely around - I just go full-submissive and blame myself for literally everything wrong with the world. like, no joke, I overreact that badly. if one person hates me, it means the ENTIRE rest of the community (whether they even know who I am or Ā not) hates me as well, and then Iāll go as far as trying to remove myself from the situation to prevent myselfĀ āfrom doing any further damage to literally everyone everā, which I think definitely comes across as very passive aggressive. thatās another thing, is people with bpd have a reputation for beingĀ āabusiveā when they donāt even mean to be. like, we just react so strongly to people cutting ties (whether it be blaming someone or blaming themselves), it can look to the other person like youāre trying to guilt them into staying with you or drag them back by the ankles.Ā
hell, for example, this one total asshole cut ties with me not too long ago - and I repeat, this person was an ASSHOLE so of COURSEĀ I wouldāve been glad they didnāt want anything to do with me anymore, but just the simple act of being left by someone hurt so badly I was genuinely contemplating killing myself. which, again, can come across as abusive. back in middle school especially, I would get soooo defensive whenever I thought my best friend was inching away from me that I would actually get physically violent with her. not anything severely damaging, but stuff that could leave bruises or marks. and donāt even get me started on the stuff I would say and do to keep her closer to me than anyone else (I also had maaaaajor jealousy issues back then, and I still kinda deal with them but theyāre nowhere near as bad as they were in middle school)
another thing I was told by someone thatās āposter-child bpdā is self-harming (or even attempting suicide) ābecause you deserve itā, which hooooooly shit thatās literally the #1 reason why I do it. like, I dunno how, but I somehow got it stuck in my head that I deserve physical abuse, and the lack of said physical abuse in my life means IāmĀ ānot being properly punished for being such a horrible, abusive person and being the source if literally everyone bad that happens to everyone everā. and then just donāt even get me started on my self-perception and dissociation like that stuff is fucked up beyond all belief tbh
of course everyoneās experiences with it are gonna be different, and honestly I only recently learned about bpd so Iām still learning about all the little specifics about this one, but thatās just some of the stuff Iāve gone through that I know is due to having bpd
baratheonpilled
prguitarman
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