Aries: pays off all their cousins' student loans but then holds that over them until the entire generation is dead and buried

Taurus: buys their mother a small island nation

Gemini: buys a small cafe and shuts it the fuck down because a waiter there was mean to you once

Cancer: fucks off and is never heard from again

Leo: dead three weeks later in a hoverboard accident

Virgo: dumps the cash in a savings account and then lives of the interest like a total fuckin dweeb

Libra: who are we kidding you never win shit

Scorpio: still lives in the same shitty apartment but finally gets around to fixing that exposed wire in the kitchen

Sagittarius: bets it all on black

Capricorn: lies about how much money they give to charity

Aquarius: spends so exorbitantly and without thought that they are back to where they started within five years