ben blake

BENJAMIN BLAKE ;  MD 34, theo james.

Occupation: ER Doctor, former swimming star. Neighborhood: Downtown, but raised in the Mines. Gender: Male

FULL BIOGRAPHY // WANTED CONNECTIONS

“Hi,” Sabiha breathed in little more than a whisper, the edges of her smile wavering while she tracked the way Ben raked capable fingers through his hair. Clearly, he was shocked to see her (and why wouldn’t he be?) but was it a good shocked… or bad?

The entire drive home, the full fifteen minute trip between the donut shop and the 24 hour diner and his door, she fought against a litany of irrational fears. Now, standing there in the flesh, she found herself swallowing them down again.

Had three weeks distance been enough to eradicate her from his life? Had she been forgotten? Replaced? Did he already have some new and improved version of a fumbling, bumbling, endearingly annoying work wife and all around best friend? Her fingers tightened to a white knuckle grip on the takeout bags - the tiniest physical manifestation of her internal panic - until Ben wheeled back and welcomed her inside.

Fuck— A heavy breath she didn’t even realize she’d been holding whooshed from between slightly parted lips. If he’d been otherwise ‘occupied’, or if he’d declared now wasn’t the best time, she probably would’ve curled up in the building’s elevator and died. 

“She and Ray are doing great,” Sab offered en route to the living room, depositing both the box of donuts and bags of plastic containers on Ben’s coffee table. “Their new place is really cute, and right by an adorable little park. Pretty sure Feray dragged me there at least twice a day, usually with stops for ice cream in between.” 

A chuckle slipped free, but when she turned back to face him it was with an arched brow. “Why haven’t you eaten dinner yet, Benjamin? Did you just get off work, or did you miss me so much you decided you’d rather starve than go another day without my wit and charm?” Once more Sab forced a laugh to come off as lighthearted and teasing, but— did he miss her? Even a little bit? At all?

-

Ben couldn’t stop downright staring at her. She hadn’t been gone that long, had she? Not by callendar time, anyway. It’s not that she was a ghost — sab’s absence had felt, ina way, a lot more like a phantom limb, in that he was so conditioned to know she was there, that the moment she wasn’t, he could barely process it. He would sometimes wiggle his metaphorical toes just to check, only to be reminded that she wasn’t. It had felt...

“You should have called me. I would’ve picked you up.” In the weeks she’d been gone, Ben had done things such as instinctively buying popcorn for their weekly movie night, waiting for her shift to end so he could give her a ride and getting double whatever he was having in the cafeteria. He’d felt stupid each time he felt sad, because she wasn’t dead, and  she wasn’t gone. 

But she wasn’t there either, and that had sucked beyond words.

“I’m glad you had fun — ” Ben said, and before he could stop himself from sounding like a jealous, bitter, bitchy wife, he added: “Because if you couldn’t even text me and it had been a shitty vacation, then I’d be insulted.” He finished it with a laugh, just so she didn’t think he was insane. Speaking of insane...

Ben quickly moved to the table, where he’d coincidentally left a few of the pictures of her he’d snapped months before and decided, prompted by the lack of her presence, to work on for the past week. They were fun, innocent pictures and he’d planned to have them all arranged in a cute little album for when she came back home, but just laying there they felt weird. Ben quickly gathered the freshly developed pictures and moved the bunch to his lap, hoping she hadn’t seen it.

“Well, I think it’s a yes to all the options.” He said, distracted. “You don’t know how hard it is for poor little me in that ruthless hospital,” he placed a dramatic hand on his chest.” — what would I do without you?”

❝ his place at an ungodly hour with @drhotwheels​ —

Was this weird? It was probably, definitely, at least a little bit weird. Right?

They hadn’t seen each other in over three weeks. Three weeks of nothing but texts and a few sporadic FaceTime calls. Now, without a word of warning, she was just… there. At his door again. Smiling awkwardly and juggling a familiar bright pink box plus two paper bags between her hands.

“I know I didn’t say I was on my way back when we talked,” one of her feet shuffled in place, betraying her nerves, “and I probably should’ve called first, but— I’m, uh, I’m home.” As if he couldn’t see that for himself. “And I, uh, I brought… breakfast.” Never mind the fact that it was only half past two in the morning. “Surprise?”

-

For someone who had the first morning shift, it was far too late to be up, but he’d done worse before. He was waiting for the neuropathy med he’d swallowed earlier to kick in and the weird buzzing feeling in his back to be over as a random soccer game played on TV and he stared at the ceiling. The perpetual monotone of the english announcer made it for an almost soothing experience. He had no idea who was winning, or even playing. 

When the doorbell rang, Ben sat up and frowned. This was probably a drunk neighbor missing the door yet again, because really, there was only one person who’d pay him a visit past midnight, and she was- “— Sab.” Ben had to blink a couple times. Is hallucination a side effect of gabapentin, he wondered. But no, there she was. “I’m... wow, I thought you had...Shit — uh” He ran his fingers through his hair, suddenly aware of how messy it looked, and looked around to note that at least his place wasn’t equally messy as well. 

“Damn. Come in.” He wheeled back enough to let her in and closed the door. “Breakfast, huh? It serves me well that I haven’t even had dinner yet.” If he was being honest, he hadn’t had a whole lot of post-shift food since she left. “How was your sister?”

           “You should know that by now.” Selin said softly as she peered down at him with loving eyes. Ben had been a large part of the reason she’d kept her sanity for many years, and despite having played her part in their demise, he would forever hold a place in her heart. While neither of the reasons behind their addictions were visible, they were different in nature. Hers was mental and his physical. The knowledge had helped with understanding that their similarities laid beyond their workplace, but neither had used their calling against one another in an attempt to fix. It had instead fractured them and left a gaping hole that continuously filled with longing and guilt. 

“I wouldn’t have taken no for an answer.” Another trait of hers that he had come to know well; her stubbornness. “Where?” She asked as she began to let her hands wander along his torso, placing pressure upon the rib cage and abdomen. “Tell me when it hurts.” Her eyes fixated on him as to ensure that she’d catch that flash of pain — not because she didn’t trust him — but because she doubted he’d tell her, in all honesty, his level of pain. “I’ll be the judge of that.” She hummed, kneeling down to peer at him. “I hate when you lie to me.” And in this moment, she knew that the entire truth wasn’t what he was providing her. 

-

“I’m not lying, I’m just...” omitting? “Hanging in there, ok? If I complained each and every time I got something going on, you wouldn’t hear the end of me.” Instead, he sucked it up like a good boy and instead sulked, groaned and pretended nothing but bad mood was afflicting him. He was good at that. Pretending. His dad — well, he hadn’t raised a weak man, that’s for sure. Raise your head, boy, he would say. It’s nothing. He’d believed him. “And that wouldn’t be very... y’know?” 

She was so carefully inspecting him, and Ben feared letting himself crack. Instead, he gritted his teeth when her hands searched around his body. It got him thinking of things he shouldn’t be, and trying not to feel the things he was feeling. Pain. Something else, better than pain in a way, but a lot worse. He cleared his throat. “There — that’s... not good.” He said when she reached his shoulder, and the upper ribcage, where he’d hit the ground. “I don’t want you to worry. I’m serious. It’ll be fine. It’s just not so fine right now.” Ben said, dropping his eyes a bit. The pain was bearable, it always was. “What’s your say, then, Nurse Turan? Can we take care of you now?” Because he knew she wasn’t well, she wasn’t fine, and her excuse — taking care of everyone else — was so good that she might go on just like that for the rest of the night. Uncared for.

When Ben asked Lake to go for a ride with him, Lake didn’t know why he excepted. They’d been friends when they were growing up. Both being raised in the Mines and the same grade in school. There wasn’t anything bad that Lake could say about the now doctor, besides the fact that he broke Natalie’s heart. That was the one thing Lake absolutely hated. Right when him and Natalie were just starting to figure things out and navigate something while he was deployed, Ben ended up swooping in and wining the girl. But the fact that he broke her, made Lake’s blood boil. Letting out a soft laugh, Lake came to a stop on his bicycle. “Why did you buy this thing then?” He questioned seeing the man in obvious agony. “You also chose the worst trail to do.” Lake reached down to grab his water, taking a sip. 

-

“Well, maybe I felt like proving something to myself, didn’t I? I’m only a man.” And a proud one at that. He knew that Lake still resented him, even if only slightly, for the whole Natalie deal. Not that Nat was ever something to be dealt between the two of them, but Ben had done her dirty --- he knew that. But he hadn’t been himself right after his accident. Things happened. Even he resented himself. “I should’ve stayed in my lane.” He said as he shook his head. That could mean a lot of things. “I’m not really a biker.” The true answer to that question probably resided in the fact that Ben was probably going through a mid-thirties crisis, even if he wouldn’t say that out loud. He wasn’t building himself motorbike anytime soon, joining a leather jacket, skull-branded club or getting his full arm tattooed. But he could indulge in new, healthy hobbies with mindfuckingly expensive adaptive bikes. It was good, trying new things. Ben made a face. “Honestly, I wasn’t aware this was the worst trail. But what do they say? No pain no gain.”

at duffy’s, the record store

“I really miss blockbusters.” Ben frowned, addressing the blonde as he went through the records, trying to find something his speed. He had recently been going slightly more analogical, first with his cameras and now with his music. “Which is a weird thing to miss, considering it made our lives a pain in the ass with return dates, fees and all that. But you can’t deny it was an experience, can you?” He sighed, pushing away from the stand and moving to the next stack. He narrowed his eyes, then showed it o Natalie. “Hey, we used to-” Ben trailed off, the words dying in his lips before he could say it. We used to listen to that all the time. “Well.”

at the Iron River Trails

"Man, I feel like my lungs are ready to explode. And I’m a swimmer.” He said with a cough as they came to a stop. Lake was helping him break in the new handbike he’d impulse ordered from the bike shop a couple months ago, but Ben had failed to consider the fact that he really loathed any physical activity that didn’t involve a swimming pool.  “I’m just really glad we’re almost there. Hopefully the way down will be much easier. I’ll just let gravity do its work.”

Eleanor watched her little brother struggle with the booster seat and the little brunette child. Laughter couldn’t be stopped, escaping her lips as she attempted to cover the laughter with her hand. He was still her silly little brother, just now, seemingly more helpless. His accident was a shock but in her eyes he was the same annoying little brother who had spent years hiding her things or chasing her with bugs. Watching a grown version of that same child attempting to fight a car seat while being hit with a Frozen doll was never something she had expected to see. 

“Ben you’ve got this,” she stated between laughs. Nellie took the doll from her daughters hand and handed it to Ben. Moving around her brother she unclipped her daughter from the carseat and scooped her into her arms. “I’ve had years of practice. All you have to do is not let the seat know it’s making you mad” she teased her sibling as she placed Olivia on Ben’s lap. Immediately the child had wrapped her arm around her uncle and the covetive doll. 

.

“I swear to god, you’re all pulling a prank on me. What did you even do?” He frowned, baffled, and steadied Liv on his lap when Nellie put her there. “I swear, I’ll spend my night reading the goddamn manual. Last time she was in my car, I had an old lady help me do it. I’m not even sure she could see a whole lot, but she did it.” Ben was rather fond of instruction manuals; even back when he was a swimmer he’d usually read the regulations before actually physically training for a competition. He shook his head, gripping his wheels and moving away from the door so it could be closed. while heading in the direction of the tables placed in the grass of the Bone&Play cantina. “Well, let’s get this girl her favorite ice cream.” He poked Liv in her ribs, then added to his sister, perhaps a little too bitterly which he hoped she wouldn’t catch: “Before grandpa gets here and ruins all our fun. Right? Right.”

She didn’t really know what had possessed her to think that she had enough grace of coordination to roller skate, but Lia had bullied her into it and at the end of the day she was enjoying herself, though the scrape on her knee bleeding through its band-aid may say otherwise. She looked at the man next to him when he spoke, having caught the thumbs-up the little girl had offered him. “Yeah, that pink helmet really gives the inner evil away.” She said with a grin, glancing up to the helmet on his head. “Can’t chicken out now. She’ll tell everyone about it and then you’re going to have to become a recluse.”

-

“She really will, won’t she?” Ben sighed, checking the helmet once again to make sure his skull was entirely covered. Just to be absolutely sure, in the ninety-percent chance he’d faceplant the bottom of the ramp, his niece wouldn’t be too traumatized by his brain puddle on the floor. “Good case scenario, I become a wheelchair BMX tiktok legend for managing a double flip.” He laughed. “Bad case scenario, I become a tiktok legend for not managing it at all. So it’s not all that bad, is it?” He looked at the woman’s knee, “Do you need a better bandage over there? I do happen to have a first aid kit in my backpack.”

Myra had been out for a much needed walk when she’d spotted a familiar face and had made her way closer to one of the doctors she’d met during her stay at the medical centre. She’d noticed the younger girl at the bottom and had to let out a laugh as she realized just what was about to happen here. “I mean…it’s a bit too late, but you could try it and see how you feel? What’s the harm in living a little? I mean–you seem like you could handle a few scraps and bruises for the sake of your niece.” Of course all of this was easy for Myra to say since she wasn’t the one being coerced into doing this little stunt. But then–she’d had a few tries on skateboards in the past, usually doing nothing extravagant and still falling so she really wasn’t one to talk. 

-

Ben huffed, watching Myra - the patient from the car accident, he recalled. He’d thought about her several times after that, he’d thought about her face in the perfume billboard in NYC and the similar conditions of their car accidents, and resisted looking her up online because it was too inappropriate, right? But finding her here of all places felt like luck was on his side,  “I appreciate the trust.” He chuckled nervously. “I really do need all my limbs intact, though. I’m not sure I could handle breaking my back once again.” It was statistically unlikely, though not impossible. “I’ll do it if you come with me.”

            The brunette found it hard to look at him at times. The longing had been hard enough on its own but his ability to fully see her had left her feeling raw. The lies and excuses she’d mindlessly thrown around had been a barrier of sorts; distorting the image of who she was as a means of protection. Now, as they both knew the other fully, as well as their shortcomings, she could barely keep his gaze. He’d know immediately if she downplayed her pain or emotions. “Am I meant to believe that?” And just as he would, she knew when he was lying. They were made from the same cloth. Fiercely resilient in the need to be sturdy and okay. “I want to check you out.” Selin said strongly, determined not to be deterred by whatever lie he tried to feed her. Her words, so she hoped, left no room for argument. 

Her knowing eyes found his and she sighed. They both did. What she would do to have something a little stronger than a bottle of water. Her mouth almost salivated at the thought of it. His touch came as a distracted, and she felt grounded. Her fingers tightened over his, thumb dragging along his knuckles. “Only if you let me make sure you’re okay.” He’d likely return with the same offer but she’d deal with that when it came. Kneeling down by him, she chose to start with his side of the deal.

-

He grunted, more like a growl, as he shook his head efusively. “You don’t make it easy, do you?” Ben had a complicated relationship with attention; he’d been a star athlete and he’d loved every second of the glory swimming bestowed upon him. And then he got in an accident, for over a decade people showered him with a different kind of attention --- the unwarranted kind. The worrying kind. He was a little more defensive about it than he should be, like a chip on his shoulder. At the same time, he knew that a busted shoulder could fuck him up for months and especially later today, when would have to climb his unreasonably high SUV to get his ass back home. If he could be vulnerable around anyone, well...

It might as well be Selin behind it. Her hand felt reassuring and he held it for a moment too long, sighing deeply before consenting. “Fine, do what you must.” He grabbed the hem of his shirt. “I just... toppled over when people started running --- it’s only bothering me a little bit.” He lied. “It’s nothing, you’ll see.” Still, when he motioned to lift his arm above his head, the pain shot up his shoulder and he had to hold back a curse. His muscles were no longer warm from the rush and he knew that it would only get worse the more he cooled down. Ben grimaced. “It’s nothing too serious.” 

There were often moments where Owen wondered how the hell he had ended up in them and this was by far one of them. Standing at the skatepark with Ben and his niece was not something he would have ever imagined. His eyebrows raised in amused expression as he watched Ben’s lips before he looked back down at his niece and the slope that they were currently standing above. “This is going to end badly.” Owen signed before he reached for his phone, not quite for sure how much ASL Ben remembered and not wanting to confuse him if he signed anymore. Is this why I somehow got roped into it? To have a nurse on standby in case you break something? He typed, laughing as he turned it around and showed Ben before he added more. I feel like you still have time to back out. Talk her out of it with a bribe of ice cream or something. Probably should have thought about the heights thing before hand though. The amused expression still sat on his face, shaking his head some- suddenly very glad he carried a small first aid kit in his back pack no matter where he went. 

-

Ben scoffed, watching Owen’s hands carefully. Working with him for the past several weeks had been the perfect opportunity to freshen up his ASL abilities faster than he ever had.  “Not at all.” He signed back. The guy was far too fluent for him, but he could pick up short sentences, guess the missing words and make do with what little knowledge he had, “Well- maybe. But she still worships me like superman, I don’t wanna lose that.” Ben smiled and waved back at Livy --- if she asked him to wear a red cape, he gladly would. Still, when he looked down, his stomach went cold once again and he growled, “I never did high diving for a reason.” mimicking a dramatic fall with his fingers and face. What he liked the most about signing was the freedom of expression. “Goddammit, I’m so stupid. I really need all my limbs intact.” He’d dislocated his shoulder once in New York City and it ruined his life for weeks. “Thankfully I have my medically trained buddy Owen with me.” Ben nodded appreciatively and pointed at the skateboard. “So he can go down with me using that.” 

Ben groaned audibly as he leaned, half in half out, twisted in an awkward position, over the backseat, fightng an epic battle with the intricate buckle system strapping his niece to her booster seat. Needless to say, the booster seat was winning. She was messing with his hair, a Frozen action figure in hand, undisturbed and absolutely unsympathetic to his struggle, almost as if acusingly saying I've tried that too, uncle benny. He sucked in a curse, glad that he could catch himself on time---this time.

"I know it's childproof already, but do they have to make it adultproof too?" He complained, pulling the buckle with a couple frustrated sighs. Defeated, Ben pushed his knees back to sitting straight. "It's stuck, Nellie."

at the bust park, skatepark

“This is all strategically calculated. She loves climbing on my lap so we can go down ramps together. So she saw this and she thought ‘this is going to be the wildest ride of my life’, and she used her puppy eyes to get me to bring her here.” Ben pushed the fingerless gloves in his hands and wrapped the velcro around his wrist, taking forever as he eyed the slope suspiciously. He couldn’t chicken out now, with his niece watching him right at the bottom, wearing a bright pink helmet that matched his own and a cheeky Blake grin of someone who knew exactly what she was doing. She gave him a thumbs-up. He chuckled nervously to the person next to him, “She’s evil. I suppose it’s too late to admit I’m deathly afraid of heights

          Selin could feel the beads of sweat roll down her face. It burnt when it rolled into her eyes due to the mascara that had now smeared across her face via the back of her arm. The chaos around them silenced her mind, and despite the pounding of her heart, she’d managed to upkeep a rather messy but functional triage centre. The lack of supplies and material was worrisome but they’d filled up a few cars with people who had makeshift tourniquets and bandages. It was the best they could do with what they had. Another wave of frenzy arrived and Selin made quick work of dividing them up, finishing up her own bandage on an elderly lady. 

A pile of discarded gloves were at her side, thrown about to be picked up afterwards. She slid the new set on when a familiar voice pulled her from her mind and towards him. The brunette blinked, unable to fully detach herself from the thousand of thoughts in her mind. “I… It could be better,” she said with a pained laugh. He was asking if she was okay, she knew, but it was easier to make a joke of it. At least better than admitting that she was seconds from completely unravelling at the seams with stress and exhaustion. “Are you okay? Do you need water?” There was a pack somewhere….

-

He knew when she was lying, and he also knew when she was trying to divert his attention from something else, something bigger, something lying underneath. He hadn’t always, but he knew now. Ben felt like she was about to push him away again, figuratively speaking, and he didn’t like that. “I’m great. Perfect.” He wasn’t. His shoulder hurt, but no more than his ego; his niece could have been injured, she could have, and there would be little he would have been able to do. His head hurt. He wanted nothing more than the comfort of his home, perhaps even the detached peace of the hospital, where he could deal and manage the crisis he truly, honestly enjoyed. What he despised, however... God, he hated being in the middle of it. But she didn’t need to know any of that. 

He rolled his shoulder and winced, masking it with a chuckle, “I need a lot more than that.” But Ben was’t about to go there, not again and certainly not anymore. He’d man up, push through it, and tomorrow, just like magic, he’d feel better. No meds needed. Like a man, the way his dad- Ben shook his head, grounding himself in the chaos of her eyes. For a second, he debated against it, but he did it anyway. He took her hand. “Let’s go find that water, ok? ” She needed it a helluva lot more than him.

at the mideastern georgia state fair, medical tent

"I should’ve seen this coming - I’ve always known you not to be entirely sane...” Ben shook his head as he cleaned his friend’s hand, not entirely serious but also not entirely joking, either. The mixed emotions, between hitting the back of Oakley’s head in disapproval and tending to his wound felt like too much. Maybe someone else should be taking care of him, because he wasn’t exactly impartial in this, but this was an emergency; you can’t be always cold and technical with true emergency. “But you had to go and play hero. Like an idiot.” He didn’t spare the saline when he cleaned Oakley’s arm.

at the mideastern georgia state fair

Ben balanced the sprite between his legs and cursed his niece, up in the ferris wheel for the third time in a row with her mom, for convincing him to eat the pink-and-blue cotton candy. Sure, it was great, but his fingers were sticky, the pushing rims of his chair even stickier ― forever, he thought, and feared he wouldn’t be able to wash it ― ever again. “It’s my penance for giving in to the pleasures of the flesh.” He told Erica with a grimace as they went around the fair. “Everyone knows cotton candy is vile.”