It Shouldn't Take a Viral Video to Address Domestic Violence: A List of Famous Abusers Who've Never Been Checked
Monday, social media went wild about the Ray Rice scandal, in which he was kicked out of the NFL after video footage surfaced of him brutally beating his wife in an elevator. Most posts I read condemned Rice. Some made jokes about the situation. Some criticized his wife, Janay, for staying with him. However, very few people took issue with the NFL. Of course, kicking him out of the league seems like a reasonable way to deal with the situation. However, this incident happened seven months ago, and their initial response was only to suspend him for two games. It was only after this footage came out and public outrage was expressed that the NFL decided to take further action.Â
What's the overall message being sent here? It's not that the NFL truly cares about domestic violence and its victims. The message is that only after people and institutions are held accountable will they take actions to address issues such as domestic abuse.
Why should it be so challenging to hold those who abuse women accountable? Well, the honest answer is that, in the eyes of many (particularly people in power), violence and abuse towards women is simply not a problem. In this country we tend to forget that the modern-day rights and comforts we enjoy were won in hard-fought battles, and it wasn't very long ago that women (much like people of color; and even more so amongst women of color) were regarded as second-class citizens. That actually might even be putting it nicely; it's more like they were regarded as property whose only purpose was to be completely beholden and obedient to their man (husband, father, brother, employer, etc.), perform all domestic duties within the household, and satisfy mens' sexual needs.Â
Despite the advancements that women have fought for, there are still many who hold on to these beliefs. It reflects in the salary gap between equally-qualified men and women in the workforce. It's apparent in the lack of diversity for roles of women being presented in the media. It's especially apparent in the social media banter of people who blame rape victims for getting attacked. You can feel it anytime a woman decides to come out about her abuse and has to deal with people calling her a liar, gold-digger, or attention-whore. Also, the statistics of women who have been victims of and even killed by domestic violence are off the chart. We still have a long way to go.
Very few people seem willing to address this, especially within mainstream society. As much as it shouldn't have taken a recorded phone call for the folks in the NBA to know Donald Sterling was a racist, it shouldn't have taken video footage for the NFL to know that Ray Rice had viciously abused his wife. When Sterling was sued by his employees and tenants on different occasions for racism, the NBA didn't have to address it. When Rice was arrested and convicted for domestic assault, the NFL didn't have to address it. It was only when recorded footage of those scenarios began to receive national attention that these organizations decided to take a hard stance against the issues and give the appearance that they were taking action. Why? The NFL, NBA, and every other major social institution in our society are ran by men, the majority of whom are beneficiaries of patriarchy. Much like it's difficult for people of European descent to acknowledge the privilege they hold over people of color, it's difficult for us men to acknowledge our privilege over women. Especially when we, as men, benefit from this system that is designed to keep males in power- particularly wealthy, white ones.Â
To illustrate my point that abuse against women is being treated as "no big deal" by the powers that be and our society as a whole, below I have compiled a list of celebrities who have been accused or convicted of domestic violence, rape, assault, and sexual and emotional abuse yet continue to enjoy their careers and celebrity status. I'm not saying that these people should all be tarred and feathered and run out of Hollywood, or locked up for life, but how serious can we take violence against women when the most famous perpetrators of this crime aren't taking it seriously at all? How can we as a society condemn Ray Rice while ignoring so many others? Some of these men have multiple complaints about them going back more than 25 years ago.
As the NFL first looked at Ray Rice before the footage surfaced and basically said, "Well, he messed up, but he's still a good football player!" how are we to perceive other male abusers who have contributed great things to sports, music, and film? Are we to completely disregard their crimes and continue watching their movies, or do we put them on a lifelong boycott list? Does the crime of committing violence or abuse against women completely stain everything they've done and will do? Well, yes and no. For example, I can't buy a ticket to an R. Kelly concert and dance to his music knowing that supports a man who filmed himself urinating on a teenager and got away with it. At the same time, I have a hard time respecting James Brown on a personal level because of his assaults against women, but I can't completely deny his discography and contribution to music. In another example, I feel like Mike Tyson is a product of an abusive environment, media crucifixion, and a troubled past that he has made significant effort to overcome, much of which includes acknowledging his mistakes. That doesn't wipe away his past actions, but it shows that people can change, and should be encouraged and supported in doing so. It doesn't help anyone to ignore the issues of men such as these.
The key to this lies in acknowledgement. I'm not one of those people that rejoices when I hear of child molesters being abused in prison or wishes death and torture upon them, because I don't think that fixes the problem. Most abusers are former victims of abuse themselves. I believe there are psychological, social, and spiritual solutions to abuse- but none of them will ever be reached until we fully acknowledge this problem. It's one thing for victims and those of us who wish to support them to hold abusers accountable; it's another for the abuser themselves to acknowledge their wrong-doing and hold themselves accountable.Â
Unfortunately, I feel like almost none on this list below has truly held themselves accountable. Now, I don't wish to air out anyone's dirty laundry, or attack anyone's character, or vilify anyone. Other than a little online research, I can't confirm all of these claims. Of course there have been situations where a woman has lied about someone abusing her as an attack on that person, or for her own personal gain. However, those cases are rare and don't take away from the gravity of these true accounts. Some will say that some women provoke men into physical attacks- I won't deny that it's possible for women to attack men emotionally or physically and of course there's nothing wrong with self-defense. None of that could possibly justify a man punching, kicking, biting, raping, or assaulting a woman in any way. There's a thin line between self-defense and intentionally causing harm on someone.
I can speak on this from experience; as painful as it is for me to admit, I've been involved in a few (very minor) physical disputes with girls when I was a teenager. I've never been an abuser, but I've reacted out of anger and intoxication and been in situations as a young man that I'm wise enough to avoid now as an adult. When I was a teenager, rap music, the media and a lack of strong community values somehow implanted in my mind that it was cool to "pimp-slap bitches;" and I saw other kids who hit girls reach new levels of social fame. Then of course there's the old saying, "I won't hit a woman but I'll hit a bitch." Unfortunately, these are social norms still being expressed on the playgrounds of our communities and I've had to work very hard for years to break down this frame of thinking. As men, it is on us to destroy this misogynist, patriarchal, destructive mind state so that our sons and younger brothers don't grow up to repeat our mistakes.
Now, there's quite a big difference in my incident of getting drunk and punching a girl in the chest for trying to physically kick me out of a party when I was 16 and Sean Penn's case of tying Madonna to a chair and beating on her for hours when he was 25. There are also similarities. Of course they're different in severity but they both require the same effort toward acknowledgement and accountability. In my case, I had to realize on my own how wrong I was and why women should never be harmed. I have dedicated a substantial amount of energy and understanding towards the issues facing women; which has led me to develop a great appreciation for their struggles. I have tried to atone for my wrong-doing by being intentional about the way I treat the women in my life. I've taught the young men I've worked with to treat them the same, while modeling an example of a positive, respectful male for the young ladies. I still have work to do on this front. Now, as far as Sean Penn, I can't say that he hasn't undergone the same personal discoveries that I have, but I don't see him or any of these other abusers use their celebrity influence and wealth to make any contributions towards uplifting women and attacking patriarchy. As a wealthy actor, Penn has been very public about his philanthropic activities in Haiti and hurricane-stricken New Orleans. Yet what's to stop him from atoning for his past mistakes by funding domestic violence shelters? Or speaking out against this abuse? Or producing or starring in a film to raise awareness about the issue? The same could be asked of any of the celebs on my list.
In closing, we must acknowledge the issue of abuse and the systematic inequalities of patriarchy. We must also hold abusers accountable whenever and wherever abuse prevents itself. As you can see below, our society has done a terrible job at those things. This is a quick list and there are many more names, famous or not, that could be added to it, but the length of it and the severity of some of the cases mentioned should tell you that there are many of us who support abusers everyday, whether knowingly or unknowingly. On a darker note, most of these men have received little or no repercussion for their actions, which sends the message that violence against women is OK.
We must show our society that violence against women is NOT OK, and not just when video footage of it goes viral.
Charlie Sheen - For over 20 years, Sheen has received many arrests and complaints for assaulting, harassing, or threatening girlfriends, wives, ex-wives, and women who have refused to have sex with him. He shot his former fiancee in 1990 during an argument, claiming it was an accident.
The Dream - the mother of his child accused him of punching, kicking and strangler her while she was pregnant with their child
Roman Polanski - The director pled guilty to the rape of a 13 year old girl in 1977, but fled the US. He continues to make films. His film The Pianist was nominated for 7 Oscars in 2002.
Pleasure P of Pretty Ricky - convicted of molesting his 4 year old niece and nephew when he was 16.Â
Bill Cosby - accused by 13 women of sexual, emotional, and physical abuse, some claim he drugged them. He has settled lawsuits related to this out of court.
Jerry Lee Lewis - took his 13 year old cousin as his 3rd wife. He has been through 7 marriages total, his 4th and 5th wives were both murdered. Several of the women have reported abuse at his hands.
The Game - his fiancee has accused him of beating her, hitting her repeatedly in the face and injuring her nose and eye socket.
Chuck Berry - he was accused of child molestation and incarcerated for transporting a minor over state lines. There have also been multiple reports made by women claiming he videotaped them while they used the bathroom or changed on his property.
Wesley Snipes - Halle Berry claims he beat her so badly, her eardrum was shattered and she lost 80% of her hearing.
Sean Connery - his first wife has alleged that he verbally and physically abused her. In a 1965 interview, he stated: "I don't think there is anything particularly wrong about hitting a woman … If a woman is a bitch, or hysterical, or bloody-minded continually, then I'd do it." In another interview in 1987 he said he still feels the same.
Flava Flav - pled guilty to assaulting his girlfriend in 1991. In 2012 he was arrested for threatening his fiancee and her teenage son with a knife.
Mystikal - He and 2 bodyguards attacked his hairstylist and forced her to perform sex acts on them, all on film. He was sentenced to six years in jail.
Tone Loc - plead no contest to punching, spitting on, and threatening to shoot his son's mother. (also, gotta say, the song "Funky Cold Medina" is pretty much about date-rape)
Guns N Roses (Slash, Axl Foley, & drummer Steven Adler) - 3 members have been arrested for separate domestic violence incidents.
Stone Cold Steve Austin - his ex-wife claims he physically and emotionally abused her on a regular basis during their marriage.
Floyd Mayweather - charged with domestic violence in 2002, and misdemeanor battery against two women in 2004. His ex-girlfriend accused him of battery in 2005, but then retracted her statement, only to file another domestic battery report in 2010. His ex-fiancee is now claiming that he beat and publicly humiliated her on several occasions.Â
R. Kelly - illegally married Aaliyah when she was 15. In 1997 another woman sued him for having sexual relations with her when she was 15 and he was 24. In 2002 he was seen in video footage urinating and having sex with another underage girl, although he was acquitted in 2008.
Chris Brown - In 2009 he beat his girlfriend Rihanna so badly that she had to be hospitalized for her injuries. He pled guilty. In 2012 he tattooed what appeared to be a beaten/battered woman on his neck.Â
Sean Penn - in 1988, he tied his girlfriend Madonna to a chair and physically and emotionally abused her for hours.Â
Steven Seagal - he has often been accused of sexual harassment during film production. in 1991, 2 women received an out-of-court settlement in exchange for confidentiality. Another woman accused him of threatening and beating her in 1995. In 2010, another woman accused him of sexually and physically harassing her during film production.Â
Tommy Lee - served four months in prison for kicking his ex-wife Pamela Anderson while she was holding their son.
James Brown - he was married three times with domestic violence complaints in each one. His 3rd wife had him arrested 4 times between 1987 & 1995 on assault charges. In 2004 he pleaded no contest for domestic violence against Tomi Rae Hynie. In 2005, a woman filed a lawsuit against him for raping her in 1988 but the case was unable to move forward due to statute of limitations.Â
Chad Johnson - headbutted his wife after an argument in 2012. He was sentenced to a year's probation but violated the terms after failing to enroll in an intervention program for abusers. He was released by the MiamiDolphins and as of 2014, now plays in the Canadian Football League.
Mike Tyson - was sentenced to 6 years in prison for rape in 1991. His first wife Robin Givens also claims that he was emotionally and physically abusive to her during their one year of marriage.
Josh Brolin - In 2004 the actor was arrested after his wife claimed he had hit her but did not want to press charges.
Terrence Howard - arrested for assaulting a flight attendant on a plane in Cleveland in 2000. In 2001 he kicked down his ex-wife's front door and punched her repeatedly in the face- he was only charged with and pled guilty to disorderly conduct. During an argument over seating at a Philadelphia restaurant in 2005, Howard attacked a woman and her fiancee. He was once again only charged with disorderly conduct. In 2011, his second wife filed fore divorce claimed she had been punched in the face, almost tossed off a balcony, and threatened her with a butcher knife. In 2012 his girlfriend/mistress claimed that Howard choked her, threw her on the ground, and punched her. In 2013, he took a trip to Costa Rica to reconcile with his 2nd wife, but after she told him she didn't think it would work, he punched her in the face.Â
Mack 10 - his ex-wife T-Boz of TLC claims that he threatened to kill her, pushed her to the ground, and choked her.Â
Jim Brown - decades of sexual and physical abuse charges. In 1968 he was accused of throwing his girlfriend off of a 2nd story balcony. In 2002 he smashed the windows of his wife's car with a shovel and threatened to kill her.Â
Jason Kidd - in 2007, his wife Joumana filed a report saying that he had cheated on her, beaten her, since before they were married in 1997. In 2001 he was arrested in Arizona for punching her in the mouth. In 2007 she filed for divorce saying that he had broken her rib and damaged her hearing by smashing her head into a car console.
BIg Pun - his wife claims that she was beaten and emotionally abused on a regular basis by him. In a documentary, she reveals security camera footage of him pistol whipping her in the head.