Drops of Jupiter

The anniversary of my sister being admitted into the hospital 7 years ago is coming up on 6/24. It’s a day that will forever be imbedded in my memories more so than the day she died. It’s a strange and traumatizing moment when you hear a doctor say “you’re going to die” and my sister telling me “I don’t want to die, Sue!” I don’t know how to get past this feeling that sneaks up on me to remind me of the anniversary. I know it will soon pass again until next year but to just get through it now is a challenge.

It can be a painful process #johnholland #dailyguidance #tarot #sufferinginsilence #heartchakra #oraclecards

#goodnightmoon🌙

"The red string of fate, a fairly popular concept, originates from Chinese folklore, as told by Anita's Notebook. The story speaks of a real, physical but invisible red string that connects every person to one other being somewhere in the world, who they are meant to be with forever regardless of circumstances. Though the string may tangle, knot and stretch, it is unbreakable and can never be untied."

Today...I am just so over it; dogs, cats, mice, laundry, messes, dust, dirt, ugliness, taxes, debt, etc. Can I just catch a damn break? I dream of a day I can walk into a house that doesn't have dog hair or dog messes. I dream of a day of a house that actually feels like a home. It's hard to appreciate when you feel so overwhelmed by the everyday stuff that has to be done. I'm seriously contimplating taking the two rescues I have to the animal shelter. Sixteen is just too much especially when these two are not sociable at all. The female is coming around, but the male seems to be getting worse. Working full time, I just don't have the energy or time to really work with them. I fear their fate will be death though. I'm conflicted! I'm seriously contimplating withholding rent until this damn house is fixed. It's hard to appreciate someone's generosity when you are put into a living situation that isn't entirely safe. I am not accumstumed to this style of living, yet I have created it for myself. I am tired. I am frustrated. I am over it! I dream of six years from now; retirement and a few less animals. I dream of freedom to come and go as I please..... I dream of HIM and a happily ever after. Today...I am just so over it.

I NEED to learn how to do this.......

Not sure what's going on with me; maybe anxiety. Probably anxiety. My heart feels like it flutters and my breathing is different. I have noticed over the past few months that my breathing while asleep has been different. I don't think I am gasping for air, but I do feel as if I stop breathing. J noticed it the other morning as well. Today, I took a short nap on the sofa and I felt I did it a good three times just in that short period of time. I mentioned it to R and she said she can hear me from her room and it doesn't sound like gasping for air to her. It just sounds like I stop breathing. Hmmmm...... I do know that my stress level is high lately and anxiety attacks have become an every day event for me again. Maybe the antidepressent needs to temporarily be upped and the little yellow pill taken daily. Maybe I should make a doctor's appointment. I just hate Kaiser Physchiatry though and I don't want to deal with it. More later....

you type a long blog and lose it.....damn it. I just spent the past couple hours reading my journaling and privatizing most of the entries. I must say that I can be one hot mess riding the emotional crazy train. I really had quite a few issues I needed to work through in the past few years that I, for the most part, have overcome. In comparison, I can honestly say that I am now in a pretty good place emotionally. I may not have everything I want or desire, but do have everything I need. What's meant to be will be! As always, more later....

“How kind of you to say so. And, yes, it is a terrible place, Very untidy but full of magical ideas….”

#goodnightmoon🌙

#goodnightmoon🌙

#goodnightmoon🌙