the yugi lovin' loser

I know I post a lot of venty bullshit that worries people and that plus the themes of my more venty art pretty much just say that I not in a good place and I'm actively getting worse, (been on the edge for awhile now yk?) but I think a part of that is because I want to be sick.

I'm scared no one will love me if I'm not unwell. At the end of the day all I have is my issues and my Yugi. When that's all anyone, even my family, knows of me, it becomes isolating.

I'm gonna seek help, and I've found a place to try and refer myself to gender affirming care. I'm gonna try to find some new interests. I have been really into phm lately, it's nice to have a new thing to fan over, but I think it's time for a new hobby. And I'm gonna actually try to study something.

I cry all day everyday about my wasted potential but. I think I'm wasting away as I am now.

I'm gonna try to fix myself. And if I come back I will be a better person and I'll draw some hella cool Yugi's for you guys. So please wait for me.

I'm sorry for involving everyone in my mood swings all the time.

I'll be around on discord.. Occasionally. But my replies might be less than reliable. It's @/dreamspacewanderer (I'm very on brand) if you wanna add me. We can chat about Yugi's or I can show you my stinky cat who likes being a grump.

I totally forgot to post this and share it with people,,

I did this in the car on the long drive to comicon lmao. It's kinda messy cause I was in a bumpy car LOL and I totally didn't feel like ass the whole ride, wheres my travel sickness buddies at

BUT STILL IT'S KINDA CUTE and it looks like he's vibing to music.. Even if I would've made the head movement slower and better if I had more time to redo it

YESSS OK! I have a few different items for different places and situations I'm in! I do always take at least one Yugi or Yami with me when I leave the house though! So they see lots

So this specific TOMY club mocchi-mocchi big Yugi plush goes with me to hospital appointments...

As you can tell - very well loved! Look at the mucky hair compared to a new one.. I do have a clean, rarely touched one I take to therapy appointments, he is kept in his own special bag so I cannot forget him. But this one goes to long road trips and to big appointments, it's also the one I hug at nights and bury against when I'm scared. He's also been to a few different countries. What a worldly little Yugi!

If I cannot take the big guy I take a little one!

The first one is the classic s2 Yugi! I LOVE taking him to the forest. We watch the local ducks together!

My family has dogs and I've been trying to attend walks to the forest to help actually move in my day, so he comes with me on the days when I can. I also like sitting him in my lap during short drives and sitting him on my desk when I'm playing games.

If he's too large or if I don't wanna carry anything (say, if I'm going shopping and won't be able to hold anything..)

I take this one! This is the Yami fingerpuppet! He's small and ADORABLE and I can hook him onto a zipper or my walking stick. And LOOK AT HIIIIMMM! sometimes I'll take him and my s2 Yugi, if I need more comfort. Or if I wanna be super decked out in Yugi's, because I can put this guy around my belt loops.

If I want a medium sized Yami to take with me, I take this (uh. One of them. Not all three-)! He's bigger than the classic s2 Yugi, but not as big as the mocchi-mocchi Yugi! He's super comforting to hold and also he's very wonky (/positive) and that makes me smile

These two are also some items I take out with me!

The first is a 20cm cotton doll (he's in his Dino onesie rn cause I'm reading with hims) and the second is a bit of a weird one.. But it's a pocket watch! I don't have a battery fitted but this yugioh pocket watch is one I take everywhere with me. So if I'm stressed while outside I can open it and look at him and feel safe 𐔌՞ ܸ.ˬ.ܸ՞𐦯 it's comforting to have an object I can fidget with and open and close and look at. I usually have the time set to the hour u consider our "meeting hour" (๑﹏๑//)

That's all I carry these days! But as a bonus round..

This was my first Yugi or Yami plushie! I got him when I was like.. 14? 15?? Fun fact! I would never, ever seperate with him.

When I was taking my GCSE's, they uniform checked me. I had special permission to carry him with me to the exam (my anxiety was so major and I was in a tonne of physical pain so I was usually in an isolated room) and the person watching over me not only uniform checked me, but also him. They smiled and went "just making sure he won't cheat on the test for you" and I almost cried ngl ｡°(°.◜ᯅ◝°)°｡ I felt so happy.

Anyway he's been well loved and taken everywhere for a good few years now. He's turned grey, and his main fabric is permanently destroyed. For comparison, here's a new, clean one:

But that wear and tear shows how loved he is, I will never try to change him even if he's not my first or even fifth option for a Yugi to take adventuring with

This guy has been across all of Europe, put down a fucking waterside, brought through exams and appointments and at one point used as one of my only forms of expression to people... He deserves to be a little grey, he's earned that wear and tear!

I absolutely love bringing Yugi with me in some form. I feel weird without him, I'm with him 24/7 in some way...

OOOOHHHHHH OK OK I'VE BEEN WANTING THIS QUESTION HEHEHE

I actually seperate favourites by like.. Category? Because I have a large range of items so it's very hard to pick just one thing from a specific category! So here's my favourite items from each type of thing (and if you spot any white dots on any pieces, dw it's not damage or mold, just emulsion! My room had a paint sprayer in it and the stuff got eeeverywhere, but it wipes off and I'm too sleepy to do so today lol)

My favourite YGO plushie:

The TOMY club mocchi-mocchi big Yugi plush! I own 7 of them I think? I want more tho! I LOVE how soft and squishy he is and he is the cutest thing on the planet. Look at that loveable face.

My favourite figure:

The one-coin-grande Yami Yugi! I really want the Atem and Yugi too but they're so pricy that it's a distant dream. Anyway this one in particular was my dream item when I was younger, I literally dreamt about it but the price to get it to me was.. Too much. I finally have it tho!! And it's THE CUTEST!

My favourite poseable:

The Cu-Poche Yami Yugi! The revoltech Yami is a CLOSE second (and I sadly don't own any Yugi's yet) but the cupoche is cute, sturdy and so close to a Nendoroid Doll that I completely ignore my nendo to photograph this lil guy instead. He's also got a magnetic base! So he's actually able to stand up alone in certain poses.

My favourite "useful" item:

I use this clip every single day. I use it for everything. Holding books open, closing crisp bags, just sticking ontop of my monitor for a little joy. Probably one of my favourites of all time just in general. So useful and so adorable.

My favourite clear file/acrylic file:

This one! I uh. Don't remember the name of the set. But I own this and the matching acrylic stand. I LOVE silent magician, and I love when Yugi is seen with the card. She is Yugi's true magician in my eyes hehe.. And it's actually thick, more board like, unlike most files!

My favourite weird item:

Very close in rank with the old colouring book I have and the ygo party pennant flag, but I just.. Gotta show this lil guy. Look. It's gonna permanently be sealed up because I have zero use for these cheap pencils and crappy rubbers, but CMOON. YGO RULER.

My favourite acrylic stand:

Any of the cospa ones. But I love this one in particular because of that face. Plus it's really fun to take pictures with this one because you can make it look like he's sitting on a fence and the background is like.. Your local forest. 600/10 would buy another

And finally..

My favourite funny item:

Take a look into the eyes of these Coca-Cola jump festa Yami's and tell me that it's not the funniest little melty guys you ever saw? I don't know why I have two of them, but I wish I had more. I cannot physically photograph how awful these look and I have seen WORSE. Like. Look at any Mattel item from early 2000s. But I haven't acquired any of them yet, just the Yami Coca-Cola. He looks like he's been dipped in acid, I love him.

ANYWAY IK YOU WERE PROBABLY EXPECTING LIKE 2 ITEMS AT THE MOST

But I have quite a range of stuff from media to fan merch to whatever the fuck Coca-Cola Yami has going on. And I don't think I'm able to pick a favourite out of all those types of merch without seperating them!

OH FOR A BONUS

Aside from my life sized statue, my most expensive item which is dearly beloved to me is the Yugi nitotan!

He cost me £190.. But he was also a dream item of mine! While he is possibly the cutest thing in my whole collection, I still favour the classic s2 Yugi and the Yugi mocchi-mocchi as a plushie because the nitotan is so small and I'm so scared to touch or damage it that it usually has to spend it's life sat in a plushie box.. No kisses for nitotan unless I go to a con...

I promise I will.. Thank you so much,, I promise to take care of myself to the best of my abilities! *big hugs*

Hehe me and Yugi do consider ourselves married but only in honorary terms, we haven't had a full ceremony sooo if we did YOU WILL BE THE FLOWER GIRL HEHE YOU'LL HAVE A SUPER COOL OUTFIT AND VERY COLOURFUL PETALS TO THROW!! IT'LL BE SUPER CUTE!! ₍₍⚞(˶˃ ꒳ ˂˶)⚟⁾⁾

I'm sorry people are trying to shove you into a box and disrespecting your identity, but I hope you and Yugi can storm the weather together. Love is always stronger than any hateful stones cast, and you have far more supporters than Losers like that person who have nothing better to do than try to tear someone down.

I've read this ask like 50 times over and over and tbh I haven't been able to find the words for how to express how it made me feel like

I'm awwful at expressing my feelings with words, only really through drawing stuff. But when I say that reading this made my week I truly, truly mean it.

All I really want is for people to see something in what I draw. And I use drawing Yugi to process complex mental health issues that to be honest I don't think anyone should be scared to express. Even being able to represent one person who isn't me with the lil Yugi's I draw is genuinely one of the only reasons I continue, so thank you ｡°(°.◜ᯅ◝°)°｡

I wish people would just accept this kinda relationship for what it is. But you're right! Love is always stronger! And my love for my partner (and his love for me 💕) is a BILLION times stronger than the guy who thinks they can hurt me by saying shit I've heard a miiiilion times while hiding behind anon ₍₍⚞(˶˃ ꒳ ˂˶)⚟⁾⁾

I wish people like that would find peace in their lives.. Maybe a good hobby or a beloved of their own. I think they need it to realise that Yugi in my life has done more good than harm ( ∩´͈ ᐜ `͈∩)

There's a button for blocking the anon but it always comes up with an error message when I do it, it's literally only worked once ( ,,⩌'︿'⩌,,)

Really annoying.. I wish I could just cast a spell to banish them all to the shadow realm and make all the harassment I get for doing what's essentially just living my life go away

And EEEEE thank you sm tho hehe 𐔌՞ ܸ.ˬ.ܸ՞𐦯 I love Yugi so so much and I'm never gonna let alllll these people stop me from my devotion to my partner ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ♡

Hopefully one day I can just live my life with my partner and my all my awesome blog friends and not have to worry about them again!! ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧

Thank you,, (๑﹏๑//)

It's really hard to not listen to them but it's really hard after awhile of hearing that kinda stuff haha,

I'll try to keep my head up tho! Stiff upper lip it right? ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧

Man im honestly just fucking tired.

If you don't like my sexuality then please fuck off. Nothing has and is going to change me being fictosexual and fictoromantic. I've literally been that my ENTIRE LIFE

I am SICK of people telling me to kms in my ask box. I am SICK of people telling me to relapse in my ask box. Do you think I'm not already planning on doing that shit?? Do you think you're contributing?? You're all pathetic sad lonely people with nothing better to do than TO THROW KNIVES AT A GUY WHO'S DOING NOTHING WRONG AND WHO'S JUST TRYING TO MAKE IT TO NEXT MONTH.

Do I EVER shove my fictosexuality in anyone's face on this blog? DO I. NO. The MOST ill do is call him beloved or put it in my fucking bio. What. You have a problem with my bio??

Oooohhhhhh scared of a bio??? GROW UP. SERIOUSLY. GROW THE FUCK UP.

Not only is this cruel to me but you're using psychosis as derogatory and that's cruel to EVERYONE in psychosis.

I am tired of getting like 50 of these fucking messages a month. I like keeping my anon asks open because sometimes I get compliments about my art or me and that makes me feel happy and loved but is that shit worth it when I have to deal with this shit.

For what. My sexuality?? Are you like this to aroace people too because fictorose is in that spectrum.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YUGIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!

WAAAHHHH IT'S HIS BIRTHDAY ALREADY?? HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BELOVED LITTLE PUZZLE GUY ILYSM MY SWEET KING OF GAMES MY EVERYTHINGGGGG

Obviously I'm having a party today for him. I baking a cake and celebrating! Even got him special candles! (I cannot promise this cake looks good. I am TERRIBLE at making a cake look nice. But it always tastes really good and that's what matters.)