When dreams become endangered

Ready to fall into the dark

I’m an inch, a step, a breath away

From saying my goodbyes and farewells

Just a snip, just a slash

Everything will go away

A few handfuls and a few gulps

The hurt might just finally leave

The dark calls me, its arms wide and welcoming

As there is nothing more lonely

Than to stand alone in a sea of people

/səˈrenitē/ (noun) the state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled.

One of my biggest dreams is to have a cafe. I want to have a cozy little place that gives people a sense of peace and contentment. Hence the name 'Serenity'. I want to have cafe where people want to get engaged in, reconnect with old friends, spend time with their family and generally feel happy and loved. 

Another reason for a cafe instead of a restaurant is because of coffee. I love coffee. The different flavours it has but gives the same warmth in my stomach. And I'm letting my best friend take care of that part since she's a bigger caffeine addict than me.

I also want to have a patisserie in there and name it "Patricerie" mehehehe. Yes, it's corny but it's gonna be mine <3 Now there are two ways this is going to be done. Either *I* will head this because baking has always been my number one most passionate hobby or if I *do* get together with a chef, as my mother has insisted, and he just so happens to like baking too, I'd give that to him. 

I'd probably serve wine and wine alone. 

There's gonna be savoury food there too since i'd probably cause my patrons to get diabetes if all they can pair with their coffee and wine are pastries. There'd probably be pasta and sandwiches. 

I want a cozy but spacious place since I am claustrophobic so having a compact one would result to great problems. I want it to be a two-storey one. The upper level would have half of it on a balcony. I don't really know if i can call that a balcony. I'll try drawing it sometime. Anyway, the lower level would have outdoor tables too since y'know. Coffee + outside breeze is fun. I'm contemplating whether or not I'd have those tall hedges since it would mean privacy and some form of security as well but the view would be lost as well, so that's sitting in my 'contemplating' desk. 

Also, I want everything that I serve to my customers to be natural and organic since I want people with special diets to be able to eat there too like my little cousin. He has Asperger's Syndrome and his doctor has made it clear he is not allowed to eat food with lactose. No, he's not lactose intolerant. It's just that, if he eats anything with lactose, he goes berserk and well, we don't want that. Also, all of his food is made with special salt, special vinegar and soy sauce, special milk, special ice cream. And there have been too many times I've heard him ask his mom if he could just smell the food he wasn't allowed to eat and that would constantly pull at my heart so I want to start a cafe where he could happily eat anything he wanted. 

So today, okay, yesterday, I got rejected? I think? I actually don't know.

I confessed to my best friend (and crush) that  I liked him. A lot. And that, I wanted to keep our friendship intact.

And he said thank you and of course.

And you know what?

I'm fine with that.

I didn't have the urge to cry.

Heck, I'm smiling so wide right now and I'm studying ETHICS of all things.

And the thing is, I'm happy that he's still here. He's still talking to me. Still being an adorable brat I want to strangle sometimes. 

Hm. You know, I've asked myself this question a lot of times and these are the things I've thought over. 

When you can imagine a future for the both of you. A concrete future that isn't that hard to come true. 

When you have a crush, that person is perfect. There could be nothing wrong with them. When you're in love, you see the little cracks in their psyche. You see the scars and callouses. You see the mended walls and duct taped memories. You see the hardness in their eyes and the reasons why it became that way. You see them lesser as a god on a pedestal and more as a human being. And the funny thing is, you're alright with that. 

When you don't feel the need to impress them. You don't feel the need to dress in your best clothes, wear your best shoes, have your hair perfect and your make up flawless. You don't get that mini-heart attack at the idea of him seeing you fresh out of bed, with that rats nest of hair and embarrassing pajamas you have. In fact, you're kind of excited to show him with how you look au naturale.