Dreaming Waves

I missed yesterday and today (06 and 07 of March 2025) sorryyy I was super tired, it is currently 00:00 of 08/03/25, guess I'll have to write two blogs today. Any who i was super tired and out of it, I'm super sick right now and it is pissing me off cause I ruined my makeup by crying 24/7 and then I had to go home early from school and take the bus home which I think made it worse, anyway I barely answered my history paper exam today I am pretty sure I'm failing again--sucks, I know, but can't help if I'm out of it. Also my parents came home today and though I'm glad they're back in piece, the clinginess (horrible kind) and shouting/cursing has already set in even though the month was super peaceful, I can like feel my freedom slowly stripping away again. Also nothing much happened on the 6th other than my "best" friend and her loser ass two faced boyfriend being fucking rude, or well him being a bitch ass rat just cause I had asked for some personal space from the two ONCE! And she doesn't defend me cause she is a loser, plus keeps being racist to me? Might drop her again.. but I have issues soo.. I miss my real bestfriend Y, I love her so muchhhh! Not too much today, and I am dying of a fever so later! Love T!

Third day here, today was majorly tiring. Seriously. I had 2 exams I of course didn't revise for, 2 of the worst, mind you. Math's paper 3 first and History paper 1 last, like seriously what am I supposed to write about white chapel? Most boring shit I have ever seen in my life. Seriously there's better meaningful history and past than this white bullshit. The education system in UK is seriously so wrong and is setting us up for failure. I may say that because I'm stupid but it seriously is, cause what do you mean you guys did nothing to make up for the 3 years gone because of a whole pandemic? Gosh, Government's and politics are adults child play-- immature and unserious, like its OUR life? I hate when old farts say our generation don't know shit, that we are just teenagers and children, as if the youth doesn't make up YOUR future, as if we are not more mentally mature then these fully developed adults. Anyways enough of that rant, then I had tutor straight after and I hadn't completed any of the work, but I figured out what to say thankfully. It's seriously not my fault I have 2 coursework exams that I actually have to finish and like 6 other mock subjects plus 2 booklets of tutor homework EVERY week. My mum is insane, like literally no thought in her brain. And what is with my ex's friend flirting with me when I have a boyfriend? t>t I got such a whooping cough not even water helps, also I am very sleepy so I'll go sleep now, physics exam tomorrow, peace outtt love T!

Second chapter ever! I honestly fell asleep, trying to to find a song for yesterdays blog hence why I forgot to post, but It's done! Currently 04/03/25, 18:19. It's 17 days till my birthday! Today wasn't much, tiring even and I had fell asleep randomly, waking up at 3:00 am and i had stayed up till then and didn't get up until 7:50. Peak evidence of procrastination because I have to leave at 8:20. I didn't have any exams today but I was still half asleep and had more math's revision... I am not ready for tomorrow but I already can foresee that I'll fail. Found at this guy I really hate sent weird pictures to his friend years ago and said "shhh don't tell anyone", are you sure you're not in the rainbow friend? Any who, a popular guy also makes a lot of girls from outside school pregnant? The heck, people these days... Then I had art which is dumb, I hate coursework, I hate being forced to do ideas I do not want to do. I hate my weird and moody teacher who hates all your ideas unless you draw like them cringy kids. And my friends boyfriend started being racist just because I said it's not that deep that fries have skin on it? It irks me so bad and so at lunch I took my boyfriend to sit elsewhere and they still followed, taking their seat. It really pissed me off, especially when their relationship makes me uncomfortable. For a multitude of reasons. (Maybe I'll delve into that in future) And two guy friends kept tryna take my picture on the bus and I had to snatch their phones to delete it, but don't worry! I took mugs of them. (Also I have to mention I went to a ateez concert in January, and ski trip in feb! I might post pics later) I had a random thought if anyone posted me on unsent project or send a song.. but probably not, I'm not that special. And I had a thought that people just think Fable by Gigi Perez is a trendy sad song, or a quick song for a car trip, but if you really deep the lyrics it sticks with my confuddled mind on religion and love... "Love is the law and religion is taught." which... is very true? We are given love, shown love, and taught love since we are birthed but taught religion and forced upon it since young, flooded with endless rules of order, or you're "sinful." Why does someone my body naturally loves and yearn for be a sin? Something that is so horrible that your parents rather die than see you happy? Or, "It's so rare that somebody'd look out for you, thoughts and prayers was all they'd do" As when you go through a hard time, no body takes the effort to actually be there and comfort you, and instead take the dry root, dismissing ones problem by praying to a possible non existent deity for it to never do anything. "I feel when I question, my skin starts to burn Why does my skin start to burn?" As soon as you question the deeply fallen sheep of Abrahamic religions they do have a answer, nor a pure and morally correct answer, just that you'll be sent to hell for questioning the words of God.. as if it's the divine right. Fuck that and fuck these expectations, I'll love whoever I please. Sincerely T

First chapter ever, on 03/03/2025. My mood each day typically represents the picture above. I had stayed up all night on the whim of revising for a mock exam, English Literature Paper 1. Though I never actually did. Procrastination has been a big part of my life, especially when I slipped through a sudden depression in the summer when I was 12. It has gotten to the point where my grades are falling, and I'm worried for my future. The future that has no passion and talents. I was exhausted and ended up falling asleep during my exam. I don't think I did well despite getting passing grades the last 2 times. Shakespeare and Stevenson just had to die, making future generations' lives harder, right? My boyfriend and I ended up being in a small class of revision; to me, he was ignoring me, which made me upset. He has apologised profusely. I always feel bad for even getting mad because it makes me sound and look a little like someone too much. Also, what's with everyone getting into your business? Personally, Im not very religious, but I have to be because of family, but I'll touch on this topic in a bit. They're always asking if you're fasting and giving you dirty looks if you're not, like what is up with acting holier than thou for one month and going to the same exact action as before, which is not exactly repentful of sinning of them, is it? Anyway, today was a bit boring. Sorry for the boring first chapter of my life. love T.