DragonPyromania Age

the requisition officer

that One Fucking Shard in the hinterlands

despair demons when they somersault away from you and you’re playing a melee fighter

despair demons that somersault so far away that when your melee fighter runs after them the rift they came out of resets

the quickbar with its only eight spaces

“requires deft hands, fine tools” 

the specialisation trainers that won’t train you until you fucking open up a new area and go and capture a keep and then go back to skyhold to do a scouting operation and then go back to the area to finally pick up a shit piece of loot from a random enemy and they don’t even tell you where you can find the enemies

banters that only happen every 15+ minutes

“Remember, mages aren’t people like Cullen and Hawke,” Merrill will say pompously over wine, and then giggle. It’s still funny, six months later.

“Sadly I’m not a person like you or Cullen,” Anders will say deadpan, two years later, as he lights the bedroom fire with magic.

“Put a kitten in a tree and Kadan will come running.”

“Take a six week detour to find the remains of an old woman you can cannibalize for healing powers. You will find each other while mutually lost in the mountains.” 

“I recall them being fond of underground ruins that take a fortnight to navigate through and smell of rot and feces. You will likely find them trying to fix a doomed relationship.” 

This banter where the whole Inquisition squad goes after Varric in the Trespasser DLC

Varric: Great, we’re in the Deep Roads. I feel myself getting “dwarfier” by the minute. Did I just sprout a beard? Ugh, I hate caves.

Cassandra: Yes, yes. You hate the Deep Roads, and caves, and the outdoors.

Sera: And everything that isn’t hearing himself talk…

Dorian: Orleasian cafés, taverns that are too tidy, slopes of greater than 10°.

Blackwall: Also quiet, and most kinds of smells. Rain. Water in general.

Vivienne: And Orlesians, Fereldens, Nevarrans, mages, templars, the entire Merchant Guild, nugs- 

Iron Bull: And slopes, uneven ground, the dark, pretty much all kinds of weather.

Cole: The smell of the sea, [Varric voice] Who made the ground vertical? Mountains covered in the dead.

hawke: hey varric lets go do something outside of the city :-)