Maya

I love tag games, so don’t be shy about tagging me in one (even though I’m shy about it myself)

What makes our group funnier is that it’s 3 queer girls and our token straight guy and he’s literally the chillest guy ever. And even though we’re gonna get split in half come September (me and guy are heading up north to go to the same university, the other two are staying here for the time being to attend one of the local campuses of a diff uni) I have full faith that many visits will be had

I’ve been texting with this guy a ton that I knew and talked to pretty frequently throughout most of the school year although I wouldn’t have really considered us friends (maybe tho) but a few weeks before graduation he added me on insta and pretty much ever since grad we’ve been spamming each other with reels and talking a ton (we have a ritual some nights where we spend 1-2 hours quite literally spamming each other with reels the entire time straight) and we’ve hung out once. A lot of the reels on his part (and mine now) have devolved into jokey flirty shit you would send to someone you were talking to or trying to show explicit attraction towards. But I can’t tell whether he’s just sending it with full confidence knowing I’ll take it as a joke, or if he’s semi-genuine with it. The only reason I think it could be just jokes is because imo I set a pretty hard boundary with him a little over a week ago (I (jokingly) threatened to put a bullet through my head after he said smth that could have implied romantic interest (he asked if I was talking to anyone)) And also it’s pretty widely thought that I’m a lesbian (no, just a very lesbian-coded aroace person) so there’s a good chance that he’s just sending me all of this because in his head he knows that I know it’s just jokes. But the reason I’m struggling with it mainly is because like 2 months ago I had a separate very close guy friend explicitly hit on me, knowing the answer would be no, and while knowing better than most how very aroace I am. So I’m a little scarred from that. But idk. I’m scared I’m accidentally leading him on but also I feel like I’ve already set the boundary.

How terrible is it that the first time I ever actually got close with a guy I had a huge platonic attachment to, the first time I thought I really had a great guy friend I could trust and count on, he went and made a move on me anyways even though he knows and has shown on multiple occasions how very aware he is that I will never be attracted to anyone, let alone a guy. He knows that even if I were to be into anyone it would probably be a girl if anything. But he did it anyways knowing that. I told him to fuck off and we haven’t mentioned it since. I hate that he’s given me so many reasons to hate him and I’m still just as attached to him and our friendship as I’ve always been. I’m mostly over it now but for a few days after it threw me into a depression and I barely ate. But hey I’m over it now. Because how could I not be when nothing changed afterward. We don’t talk about it, we still joke the same, talk the same, act the same, and even if he’s for some reason harboring those feelings, he knows there’s never a chance, even if sometimes I wish I was able to give him one I really don’t understand his brain. He sends me screenshots of pickup lines he uses on other girls, he constantly calls me a lesbian (contributing to all of my classmates and friends thinking I am one, I don’t blame them, I look like one) he demonstrates how he perfectly understands my sexuality but still decided it would be a good idea to ask if he could hit. Because “game is game” but it isn’t. Not with me. Not with his friend that could never reciprocate. How could he do that to me. How could he make me rethink our entire friendship, because what if it was all a lie. But I don’t think it was. And even though it’s probably not in my best interest. I’ll never cut him off. I don’t have the willpower. Or if I’m being honest? The desire. But we just graduated and he’s leaving at the end of July and I’ll probably never see him again. Which hurts really bad even though it maybe shouldn’t. But oh well

How to let him know that if he’s ever up north in the future he knows where I’ll be while I’m at college and he can always hit me up if he’s nearby