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If only if only the woodpecker sighs the bark on the tree was as soft as the sky why the wolf waits below hungry and lonely he cries to the moon if only if only
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hi hello and welcome to my post of tips for transmascs looking to pass as a dude. click that "keep reading" button if you're interested :)
first of all- has anybody told you today that you're handsome? because if not, i am here to tell you that you are!! you look very swag my friend. now, on to those tips i was talking about.
if you wear deodorant, buy men's deodorant. it's in like every store ever, no one bats an eye if you buy it even in a crowded CVS. try old spice, but the more mild scents. for the love of god do not buy axe anything.
are you a glasses wearer? i am! what helped me pass immensely was a) not wearing my glasses and getting contacts (or just go blind! /hj it's not fun, but i did it and passed. it's also why i got new glasses so i could ACTUALLY SEE. 4/10 would not recommend.) or b) getting new glasses. round/circular glasses will bring out the roundness of your face, so steer clear of those. get boxy, square ones.
swimming? buy a rash guard. a swim shirt. whatever you call it, it'll help you bind and swim. if you're binding and swimming BE CAREFUL! swim in binders that are approved to go in the water (gc2b binders, some sports bras, the like). wear swim trunks with bikini bottoms underneath for comfort reasons if you want. would highly recommend this.
avoid skinny jeans like the PLAGUE if you can. as much as i used to like them, they only emphasized my thighs and waist and all that mess. try for "slim fit" jeans if you don't want the, as i heard someone call it, "saggy ass" look.
your socks and shoes do not matter for the most part. dress shoes tip: LOAFERS. ALWAYS loafers. anyway, if you have tiny feet like me and want to make them look larger, vans do a good job of making my feet look wider and longer. my mother says they make me look like i have boats on my feet, but other than that, i have had no complaints.
go through the men's sections of target and walmart. cheap stuff that usually fits. don't be afraid to go into the youth or kids sections if you're small like me, there's usually a bunch of cool superhero shirts there.
usually i tell people to avoid makeup, but if you want to use it to add volume (is that the right word? idk) to your eyebrows, go nuts i guess. also- hollow out where your eye sockets meet your nose, hollow out the cheekbones and the jawline. get the sides of your nose too if you want.
long hair? not a prob! tie it up and flip it up so the ends of your hair flop over your forehead. now plop a hat on over it and it looks like bangs.
manspread. do not do the damb splits, that ain't it. i mean TAKE UP SPACE. avoid crossing your legs, except at the ankle. fold your arms up higher on your chest. men take up so much space when they do ANYTHING, so try to emulate that. also put your ankle on your knee, make a box with your legs if you get me.
want a deeper voice? sing. even if you're garbage at it. i sang so much over the quarantine that my vocal range got both higher and lower, and now i'm able to talk lower and sing lower. i'm also able to sing higher and more in my chest voice! so sing, baby. singggg.
if you're feeling dysphoric, my best tip is to listen to country songs about typically masculine things. it makes me feel like part of the dudes, maybe it'll work for you, too.
a rather bitter pill to swallow: men, especially younger men/boys, have no fashion sense. this means DARK COLORS, those weird long basketball shorts that you see at dick's sporting goods, and t-shirts with strange athletic logos on them. yes they are ugly! however they really do help you pass seeing as cis boys = not often fashionable. you will fit in with the guys and tbh sometimes that's the best feeling.
not a tip for passing or anything but DO NOT PUT YOUR BINDER IN THE DRYER. whoever told you to do that is WRONG. let it air dry, it'll last longer and feel tighter when you put it on if it's gotten looser over time.
if you're showering and dysphoric about it, look straight ahead or at the ceiling instead of down at yourself. or turn the lights off, but make sure not to slip and conk your head on something in the dark!!
SIT UP STRAIGHT YOU NERD. SIT UP. PULL THOSE SHOULDERS UP. SQUARE EM. not only will you look taller (because you ARE taller stop SLOUCHING) but squaring your shoulders makes them look wider. also makes you look more confident.
LAST POINT: the trans experience is more than deep voices, beards, and manspreading. if you enjoy being and looking and feeling feminine, go for it! you are no less transmasc because you enjoy those things. i think you rock. be you pal :)
thanks for reading! i'll update this every so often when i think of new things :) - luke
"I felt nothing for the child, it was like an object to me."
This is so important, stories like this need to be told. The cultural insistence we have that parenthood is some kind of magical bonding that happens every time without exception does real harm to both parents and children, as you can see from some of these stories:
My father recently told me he never wanted kids, but my mother wanted them. She thought he would love us when we were born.
and
I didn’t realize that a maternal instinct is not universal. You know how you see parents in the delivery room and they are crying tears of joy? I felt nothing. […] My boys are well cared for and I am always here for them, but it feels very unnatural and fake and unenjoyable. It is a bit like a retail job you don’t like where you put on a fake persona and slog through it the best you can. I don’t get to leave this job, though.
and
I also thought I wouldn’t mind missing out on all the partying and holidays because I would have the ultimate gift, a child.
and
I always said I would never have children. I hate kids..I do. I am just not that type of nurturing person. I was always very careful to make sure protection was in use (condoms, birth control) but I am that .1% and apparently very fertile. I do not have that natural motherly instinct that all women seem to have, you know..that one that kicks in the moment they know they’re pregnant. I have to work really hard at it and it’s exhausting. I miss my solitude and being able to “check out” of reality from time to time.
and
Because kids aren’t the life completer we believe they are.
Are there people for whom having children completes their lives? No doubt. Are there parents for whom the downsides like sleeplessness and loss of personal time are outweighed by the love and joy they feel? Of course. Are there people who change their minds about wanting kids once they have them? Sure. But that’s not true for everyone. It doesn’t happen every time, it’s never guaranteed, and the consequences are grievous when people who don’t want children have them anyway trusting that they will love the child and be happy.
We need to dispel the starry-eyed myths around pregnancy, childbirth, and marriage and create more realistic expectations. Parenthood is too important a choice for people not to go into it with their eyes open.
“It doesn’t happen every time, it’s never guaranteed, and the consequences are grievous when people who don’t want children have them anyway trusting that they will love the child and be happy.”
There’s a book on this topic that was groundbreaking when it came out, called Regretting Motherhood: A Study by Dr. Orna Donath. The backlash was insane. This is a topic that simply wasn’t discussed, and as the book became more famous (was translated into multiple languages, received a lot of public attention), the responses also became more incendiary. I had the utter honor and pleasure of studying with Orna - she read us some of the death threats she received, in her calm and measured manner, using them to further show just how deeply society expects motherhood of women.
I haven’t read the book myself, but knowing Orna, and having read some of her other work, I wholeheartedly recommend it.
Society puts so much pressure on women who don't want children. If you are a young woman and don't wish to have children, you are either "too young to know! You will want children when you are older!" Or you are simply not taken seriously. My older female colleagues only stopped harrassing me about children when I came out as ftm transgender publicly.
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[ID: a tweet by @Blankshotart that reads “Introduce yourself as your name’s meaning (first middle last)
I’m Determined Gaurdian, from the People’s Meadow, One that Weaves /End ID]
8 page short kids book class project on important/current/difficult topics! Covered the topics of change, sibling relationships and the subject of having a transgender family member (in this case an older brother!)
Let it continue!!! Here’s my addiction
If the text is to small:
Happy birthday!!!
………..
I’ll see you later today?
If you want….
I have something Important to ask you,,,, >.> <.< ^_^;; ^///////^
This fucking comic had been added to over the course of six years. That’s insane, it’s beautiful. It’s inspiring, all these people from different places at different times some have moved on other still here it’s wild.
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what’s this? what’s this?
there’s people singing songs
what’s this? the streets are lined with little creatures laughing
everybody seems so happy
have I possibly gone daffy?
THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS
1993 | dir. henry selick.