Is It a Sin, Is It a Crime

Sophia has been trying to get in touch with Florian since morning. She was starting to get worried for him because he wasn’t picking up the phone. After she didn’t know how many times, Sophia grunted anxiously, throwing her phone inside her bag. “Why people buy a phone if they won’t pick up when you call them?” The girl said to the next person. “This was kinda a stupid question, but still…” She let it out a whine.

“No, you don’t need to apologize,” Doug said with a chuckle. “I get that. My nephew rarely answers his phone, but also I think it’s just because he gets tired of me callin’. But that’s probably not what’s going on with you,” he assumed, just based on her reaction. “Maybe they’re just busy?”

Rose was sitting in a chair in the back part of the club flipping through a magazine.  It was too cold to go outside and smoke and she didn’t really want to spend anymore time out in the club than she had to.  The place wasn’t gross or anything but she didn’t want to risk being put to work on her break.  When she heard someone heading her way she looked up for a second, saw it was her boss, and went back to her magazine.  “Nope, on my break.  Whatever you need can wait fifteen minutes, Doguie,” she said shaking her head. || @douglasmayor​

He just needed a minute to sit. Doug let out a sigh when he saw that Rosalie was there. But he took a seat anyway. “Just needed a break myself. If you think you can stomach my company for that long, Ro,” he said, shooting her a look before mumbling, “It’s too damn cold outside.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a flask, taking a swig. Sure he could just sit in his own office and drink all he wanted. But if he was there, people would know where to look for him. Back here, he at least got a few more seconds before being found. 

His smile always made her heart do somersaults. Even now, as she was trying to erase the flashes that her mind was so kind enough to bring up. “Well thank you again.” She looked down at the little bit of beer left in her bottle and quickly finished it. “I- uh. I’ve been…” She tried to get her mouth to say the words I’m fine or I’m good. Anything that wasn’t the truth. But all she could do was stop and sigh. She shouldn’t lie to him, couldn’t lie to him. Avoiding him? Yes. She could do that. But flat out lying. Polly didn’t have it in her. “Ah, no. No, I’m not alright. But I’m trying to be.”

His brow furrowed a bit. Doug hated to see her upset like that. He swallowed a lump in his throat. “I’m, um... sorry to hear that,” he said, tentatively patting her forearm. “I don’t know if there’s, erm, if I can help or if I’m--” he cut himself off, clearing his throat, taking a long sip from his bottle. He was probably only making things worse, wasn’t he? Dammit, he hated that. Doug was doing everything he could to ignore the fact that he probably wasn’t alright either, and he wasn’t even trying to be. And here she was, being honest about it with him. Something she didn’t have to do. Fuck. “Well, I’m... Trying to be alright is all we can really do, yeah?”

What were the odds? Apparently in Polly’s case, very good. She would know that voice, even if years and years had gone by. It was the very one that she had been actively trying to avoid. When Doug had gotten hurt she hadn’t known what to do. It almost felt like her heart fell out of her chest and here she was trying to jam it back in, using alcohol to keep the nightmares of his fading voice away. So she had hoped that all of this keeping away would make it hurt less. But it didn’t. Of course it didn’t. She looked over at him and tried her best to smile, though she was sure it didn’t reach her eyes. They were too tired to play along with her. “You know you don’t have to do that Doug. But thank you.” There was that thump of her heart again, telling her that no matter what she did and no matter what he did, she’d always love the man who stood in front of her.

Doug shrugged a shoulder. “I do know that, but I wanted to,” he said, still grinning a bit. He nodded in response to her thanks. He didn’t really know where to go from there. He hated that things felt awkward at times with Polly. He didn’t want them to be. She meant the world to him in more ways than one. “So how’ve you been?” he asked, taking a sip of his own drink. “You doin’ alright?”

For a lot of people a new year brought a lot of new promises and the hope of something better for the upcoming year. Polly hoped for that too. But the echoes from the past year just kept catching up with her. She had kept herself working, certainly more than was probably healthy, but tried to distance herself from everyone she could. Which is how she found herself at a bar, drinking cheap beer with tired eyes and hoping the nightmares stayed away for a night. “Hey, can I get another of these?”

He’d just been sitting at the bar, not really paying attention to the people around him. Doug was trying really hard to stay good, to be as clean as he had been. But after being shot, it all just sort of started getting hard again. Started with smoking some pot to help the pain, and then he found himself doing some lines in the back room of the club. And he hated it. The closer it got to the new year, he tried to cut back again, but that just meant he was drinking more again. It was a cycle and he hated it. And he knew he’d had a lot to drink tonight, and was about to close his tab when he heard a familiar voice. Doug looked over to Polly and something echoed deep in his chest. “And put it on my tab,” he said to the bartender after her before casting a quick grin Polly’s way. 

Rose was already regretting agreeing to come to the hospital and sit with Doug.  She understood that Polly didn’t want him to be alone but there were plenty of other people who worked with them and liked their boss more.  She sighed and knocked on the door frame before heading into his hospital room.  “Well if it isn’t my favorite gun shot victim slash boss.  How are you doing Dougie?” she asked walking over to the chair set up for visitors.  “You look… well you’ve looked better.”

@douglasmayor​

Doug shifted in his hospital bed, letting out a bit of a groan. He played it off as if it was from moving, but really, he was in too much pain and on too many meds to truly hide his feelings toward her being here. He only had an issue with her because she had an issue with him. Not that he really went out of his way to make her have a better opinion of him. He just accepted that this was how it was. Sort of. “Hey, Ro,” he said with a bit of a grin. “Yeah, I’m definitely not in my prime here, thanks for noticing. If I knew you were coming I would’ve tried to clean up just a bit more,” he joked. “I see Polly talked you into taking her place. Or are you here to get me to sign a paycheck?”

Devan smiled just to see Doug smiling, taken aback by it but deeply pleased nonetheless. He wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting, seeing Doug drugged into bliss or wrecked with pain or angry with him, if he’d seen perhaps. But instead, a smile and a welcome. It was so much warmer than he could have dreamed.

“How are YOU?” He asked, raising one brow as he made his way to the chair closest to his boss. “I’m not the one in the hospital gown.” Leave it to Douglas to be bored and lonely after getting shot. Devan laughed in spite of it all. “Well the entertainment has arrived, then,” he joked, spreading his hands over his knees nervously. He’d never liked hospitals, never knew what to do with himself. “Want me to come back with some shitty drugstore sudoku?”

“Y’know, I’ve been better,” he said with a bit of a grin. He was honestly happy to see him. He was only as positive as he was because he knew if he wasn’t things would get bad. He’d go into a dark, dark place and he didn’t want that. Doug chuckled a bit, which hurt and he hated that. “God, no, I’m garbage at those. Just your company is enough for now. Honestly, glad you or anyone from the club is willing to come and see me. Makes me feel like you guys actually like me, and not just ‘cuz I’m your boss.” he joked. There was something that seemed a little off about Zero, but it could just be the atmosphere of the hospital. “How’re things out there in the world?”

There was a hollow sound from somewhere in Nathan’s chest that might have been a laugh if he felt at all like laughing. He nearly made another joke, one about having to replace it on his bucket list with second degree burns, but he held back as Doug asked questions. The cards in his hands sped up, and honestly, he felt like if he was friendly he’d do pretty well in a casino.

“I mean some woman out there has a stick up her ass and asked me if I ‘came to admire my handiwork’ or ‘finish a job’ or whatever dumb fucking shit she was trying to say to me,” Nathan explained, and there would have been more hiss in his voice if he wasn’t so fucking tired. “Like if she’s the one who found you, good for her, but she doesn’t listen for shit and she already fucking hates me, so I hope she’s not going to end up being my aunt. ‘Cause you know the kind of pranks I’d pull.”

“Shit,” he muttered. “I’m sorry she said that to you,” Doug let out a sigh. “Doubt that she will. That ship’s sailed; it didn’t go well.” he looked over to Nathan. He shouldn’t have said that to Polly, but he wasn’t thinking. He wasn’t in his right mind. He should tell Nathan but he didn’t want to stress him out more. “I know, and I don’t think this was because of you. But, um... well they did mention you. Whoever did this to me... They said something about you. And I know it was just to fuck with me. But... I’m sorry, if I knew she was going to talk to you about it like that, I wouldn’t have mentioned it.”

Devan had been on his way to the hospital when his phone sprung to life again; he’d had it set to only notify him for texts and calls since his socials started blowing up, and he’d nearly blocked half of his contacts just in case anyone he wasn’t quite in the place to talk to just yet, so it was a text that caught his attention, a bartender from work, “Knew it.”

“Fuck,” he swore to himself in the back of his Lyft, opening up the gossip site, and there it was in plain text, tagging Evangeline as if this wasn’t bad enough already. He contemplated telling the driver to let him out and forget the whole thing, but he needed to know that Doug was okay. The rest of the ride was a spinning head and acid in his stomach, the elevator very much the same, and when he arrived at the room, Mayor indicated on the strip posted by the door, he knocked and entered anyway, announcing himself with a quiet, “Hey.” @douglasmayor

He kept meaning to ask for someone to bring him his phone, and he kept forgetting. Then he’d think, ‘oh, I’ll just text Nathan or Polly or someone and ask them to get it’ and then he’d remember that, oh right, he didn’t have his phone. 

He heard a knock and turned his head, a grin spreading across his face when he saw Devan. “Hey, man, how are ya?” he asked, motioning to one of the chairs near his bed. “C’mon in and sit. It’s good to see you.” Doug sat his bed up a little more. He was getting better at sitting up normally, but it still hurt like hell. “It’s so boring in here when I don’t have company.”

Nathan listened quietly, hand instinctively going to his pocket and pulling out his worn pack of cards. Once they were out of the box and shuffling through his grip, he felt a little calmer, but it still wasn’t quite enough. Doug was still shot and that bitch was still outside.

“Huh. Guess I shouldn’t try it for myself then, huh?” he asked, and Nathan figured maybe it was a positive that his deadpan humor still stuck around. Maybe not. He felt his arm being nudged, and that grounded him a little more as he absently fanned out a hand of cards, putting them back in without glancing at them. The movements were all distractions for him. “Wish I was having a party. Someone out in the hall’s being a real motherfucker.” That was when Nathan tried to look at Doug, but he didn’t hold it for long. It wasn’t right, seeing him in a hospital bed like that, and he knew that Doug would be able to tell how angry and close to crying he actually was. “Think she’s worse than Zero.”

He watched him shuffle the cards. He wished he knew something he could do to make his nephew not as stressed. As far as family went, Nathan was really the only person he cared about. Well, he’d be sad if he got the news that something bad happened to any of his other family members, but as far as wanting to help and spend time with and actively liked to be around, Nathan was it.

“No, you definitely shouldn’t. I don’t recommend it to anyone, especially not you,” he said. He figured it was just humor, but he hoped Nathan wasn’t serious about thinking of being shot. That... He couldn’t focus on that right now. Doug furrowed his brow. “What do you mean?” he asked. Nathan looked at him for just a split second, but Doug could see how tired he looked. How angry. He definitely didn’t want to push. “Who? Polly? What happened?” 

When Nathan entered Doug’s hospital room, he didn’t even try to act like things were okay. He moved the stupid plastic chair too fast and it scraped, and then when he threw himself into it there was a thud from it rocking. And yeah, Doug was awake, but for a minute Nathan just sat there, shaking with rage and also the fact that he felt like he was going to cry when he hadn’t cried in almost ten years. It was bullshit. He had just been trying to keep his friends alive…

“Hey, Doug,” Nathan said, eyes trained on the far wall, like that would balance out any of the clear displays of having emotions. Stupid. Fucking stupid. “How much did getting fucking shot hurt, huh?”

@douglasmayor

He was resting when Polly had left the room, but he was more awake when Nathan came in. He could see that he was angry, that he was maybe about to show an emotion other than that. Doug tried shifting to sit up a bit more, and that absolutely did not work. 

“Sorry, I’m just being a worrier. I’m still scared. Even though I shouldn’t be. There’s really no safer place for you to be right now.” It was true, she really just needed to relax. She knew he’d be alright, he was even awake and talking to her, then why did she still feel so nervous about everything. Polly felt drained but at the same time she felt like her nervous energy was forcing her to stay awake. “Well, center of mass. It makes for a more accurate shot. Harder to miss. It’s also why shooting to incapacitate is ineffective.” She bit down on her lip. She’d read plenty of her mother’s paperwork as a kid. At least that was often in police reports.

“I’m really not. I’m just giving you what you deserve. You’ve come far, even though it doesn’t seem like you see it. You have.” Polly smiled at him, trying to keep the tears from springing to her eyes. “Good. You better keep that promise. I’m gonna be mad if you don’t.” She laughed and could hear her voice crack a little. “Yeah, we should probably do that. Otherwise people might be worried. We can always call a nurse in to figure out where they put your stuff. I can send a quick text to who I have in my phone though.” She squeezed his hand in return. To her, having the feeling of his hand in hers was keeping her grounded. “Uh, hold on. I think I fell asleep. It’s probably morning? I don’t know.”

He nodded. Doug wanted to smile more, to do something to show her that he was okay, really. But he couldn’t. He was only sitting up because of the hospital bed and the meds, and he knew it. He was tired, more tired than he’d ever been in his life. He was in more pain than he’d ever been in. And he just wanted Polly to not worry. He wanted to be okay for her. 

He nodded again, a small smile forming. “Yeah, you’ve got a point there,” he said, his thumb rubbing against her knuckles, “well, guess it’s as good as it could’ve been, right?” he tried to look on the bright side, and he was pretty sure that as soon as the meds started to wear down, he’d lose that. And hearing what else Polly had to say, he felt his eyes burn. He didn’t want to cry, he was trying so hard to be strong for her, and for himself. Because he knew as soon as he wasn’t, he’d spiral. He’d have to pay attention to the fact that there was a hole in his chest. Well, probably not, he probably got stitched up. He glanced down at the gauze bandages wrapped around his chest. God this was all a mess.

“Right.” Polly ducked her head down, a small smile on her face. He was right after all. She had spent the last few hours letting her mind go to those dark places. Sure, she thought about texting Eva or Sally but she also didn’t want to trouble them when she wasn’t really sure what they could really do. So it had just been her and her thoughts. The fact that he was joking brightened her mood considerably. Though she wasn’t sure how much of the time spent in her own head showed on her face.

She narrowed her eyes at him wincing. “You need to be more careful. You’re still really hurt.” Polly knew that she didn’t have to mom him but every movement that brought him pain made her hurt as well. “I don’t understand it either but that doesn’t make any sense. They attacked you when no one else was around. I don’t think they saw you walking out of there alive. Why say something like that if it wasn’t true?”  She nervously bit down on a manicured fingernail. Something didn’t ad up here and the key to it all was Nathan. Doug was in no shape to have a conversation like that with him. But she could.

A sigh left her and she felt a small smile come back to her face. “I do what I can. There was no way I was leaving you.” Her face burned a little at the compliment. “I’m glad I left it behind. Otherwise…” Her voice trailed off a bit and she could feel her heart clench tightly in her chest. She looked away again, willing the tears out of her eyes. No, now wasn’t the time to think about that. It didn’t happen, she found him and he was going to be alright. That’s what mattered. At the sound of his voice she looked up again with a small smile and a short laugh. “I’m glad.” Polly rolled her eyes at him. “Semantics Doug. You know what I mean. I just- I was so scared. I can’t lose you. Not like that.” She stopped herself short of saying more. “I do feel like I have to be here, but not in a bad way. There is no where else I’d want to be right now. Though I should change at some point. I’m sure I look awful. I’d feel more comfortable if one of the guys were here though.” She gave his hand a light squeeze and a smile.

“I know,” he nodded. It was weird, all these little movements that just seemed so normal and natural that he wasn’t allowed to do right now. “Yeah, I don’t think they did either. But then again, if they really wanted to end me then and there, they were close enough that they could’ve gone for the head or something a little more...” this was getting too dark, he shook his head a bit. 

He smiled a bit. “You’re too good to me, Polly, really. And I’m glad you did too. Glad someone was there, but I’m really glad it was you.” He ran his thumb against his hand. “Like I said, I’m not goin’ anywhere any time soon. You’re stuck with me. Promise.” He nodded. “Well, as long as you know you aren’t trapped here. And, yeah, if you ever need to run out, just text someone. Oh, shit, we should probably tell ‘em all what happened, shouldn’t we?” he looked around. “Is my phone here? I don’t remember if it was in my pocket. Ah, whatever.” he squeezed her hand again. He was absolutely exhausted. “What time is it?” he asked. He didn’t even know if it was the same day. Probably was. This was all so weird. Part of him felt like it wasn’t real, but the pain kept reminding him it definitely was.

The light squeeze on her hand made her look up from her feet, away from the blood stained in her high heels. Right. He was here. He was alive and breathing and talking to her. That was what mattered. Polly used her free hand to wipe away some stray tears that had traveled down her cheeks. She was sure that she looked terrible. Her eyes felt heavy and all she wanted was to lay down next to him, and just forget about everything that had happened. But now wasn’t the time for that. As easy as it was for her to forget in the moment that they weren’t together anymore, it was slowly coming back to her. She had lied to the emergency personnel. Oops.

She laughed, a little easier this time, less sobbing. They were both ridiculous. “Look at you, shot in the chest and joking about it.  Of course you would.” Polly shook her head, a small grin resting on her face. “I didn’t think so. I mean I didn’t really look, I was too worried about you.” Her eyebrow raised, confusion written all over her face.  “Your nephew Nathan?” She pulled her lip between her teeth, worrying over what she was hearing. She remembered him talking about him a few times, but never anything that made her worry for Doug. But this… this was different. She’d get to the bottom of this. There was no way Doug was in good enough condition. Polly could tell even talking to her for this little bit took a lot out of him.

Again the light squeeze brought her out of her thoughts. “Shhh. I know. I told you I’d always be there for you, no matter what. I meant it. You’re okay. That’s what matters. Nothing else. Thank the jacket I forgot in the back.” A slight blush rose in her cheeks. She offered her own squeeze back when he looked away. “Oh, uh. Also in case someone asks, I told them I was your girlfriend. I was afraid they wouldn’t let me go with you otherwise.”

“Well, if I didn’t joke about it, then it’d start to set in just how fucking terrifying all of this is,” he said it with a bit of a grin, but it was the truth. If he didn’t try to cover up the fact that he had been shot and was literally dying not that long ago with humor, then how was he supposed to stay sane in here. 

Doug tried shrugging, winced, then just decided talking would be easier. “I think so? It didn’t really make any sense. I don’t know what the hell he’d have to do with it, or maybe they were just trying to mess with me.” He can’t imagine Nathan would actually send someone to kill him, but he isn’t too sure. No. No, he wouldn’t. That’s the mindset Doug had to have. Nathan wouldn’t do this on purpose. 

Polly had been fighting off sleep as she sat in the waiting room, but her nerves had made sure she was stuck in a state of exhaustion but also too nervous to let herself sleep. When they had come out and told her he was in recovery she all but demanded to go to the room. It seemed the look on her face was enough to not push things too much. But she did get asked to at least wash her hands off. Honestly, she had forgotten that she had blood on her. Not much to do about her clothes though.  So that was how she found herself, uncomfortably curled in a chair pulled close to his bed. His voice startled her out of her daze, and she stretched herself out. Her eyes watered and she reached out to carefully take his hand, her thumb rubbing gently against his skin.

A sad laugh tangled sob came out of her mouth. “Very. Though this time I’m the one who couldn’t stop looking at you.” A small smile tugged at her lips. He was alive. Alive and talking to her. That was what really mattered. “I’m so glad to hear your voice. I… I thought I lost you for a second.” She bit down on her lip and shifted her eyes towards the floor. So many things could have gone different, but somehow they were both here and both alive. “How did this even happen? A robbery?” She vaguely remembered someone but it was a blur and growing more blurry by the second. It wasn’t something she wanted to remember.

He gave her hand a very weak squeeze. Every muscle in his body ached. Every part of him was so tired, drained. Doug smiled a bit more hearing her voice. Didn’t like seeing her cry, but honestly, if the tables were turned, he’d be sobbing. He was getting teary-eyed listening to her, but part of him wanted to blame the emotional state on everything he’d gone through and the drugs he was on. “Yeah, don’t worry, can’t get rid of me that easily,” he said, swallowing a lump in his throat. He could’ve tried to take things a little more serious, but he knew if he did then he’d lose it. What had happened? He tried to recall. Was it a robbery? “No, it... it wasn’t a robbery. That’s what I thought it was when I first saw the person,” he coughed a bit which hurt like absolute hell. “They... they said something about Nathan? That he... he sent his regards or something? And I don’t remember them actually coming over to the register, so I don’t think they stole anything.” Talking was exhausting. He gave her hand another gentle squeeze. “I’m glad you were there, though. I don’t... If you hadn’t been, I...” he looked down at their hands, no longer able to look at her face anymore. “Thank you for being there, Pol.”

His voice was too weak. There was too much blood everywhere. Too much of everything. The moment his eyes closed even if it was only a second or two, she couldn’t even tell anymore, her heart leapt into her throat and she sobbed. The only thing that kept her going was the faint but rhythmic beating of his heart under her palm.

Before she knew it, they were both surrounded by people, some of them putting hands on her shoulders, other’s rushing to tend to Doug. She took a couple steps back, placing her hand that wasn’t covered in blood over her mouth. This was real. It was all too real. Someone was asking her questions but her brain couldn’t work to put out an answer. That was until she saw them moving him to the ambulance. She rushed up to them, tears on her face but her voice strong and determined. “That’s my boyfriend. I’m coming with you. I’m not leaving him alone.” That was when she saw him reach out to her, or maybe she imagined it. She didn’t know all she knew was she took his hand in both of hers and held on to it as tight as she could as she followed them into the ambulance. Maybe she had told a white lie, but there was no way she was going anywhere without him.

Everything after getting onto the ambulance was a blur. He drifted in and out of consciousness. The pain became almost numb like he couldn’t feel his chest or arms. Everything felt so far away, so unreal. Time moved in a different way. It was hours, it was seconds, it was endless. What felt like he just closed his eyes as they got off the ambulance and opened them again a second later turned out to be the whole ordeal. In what felt like a blink, they got him into the hospital and surgery. And when he was fully conscious again, he was in a hospital bed, hooked up to IVs and an EKG. Doug looked around the room. Everything hurt. He knew he was probably on pain meds, but he didn’t think that did much when you’d been shot. Holy shit, that was the first time it registered what had happened. He’d been shot in the chest. 

His eyes landed on Polly in the room. “This is all too familiar,” he said softly, trying at a bit of a smile.

Polly could feel a heartbeat under her hands. Not nearly as strong as she wished it was but it was there and that was all that mattered to her. It was what she was clinging on to. “Yeah, yeah. It’s me. I’m here. Help is on the way. You’re gonna pull through this.” Her eyes started to brim with tears, on the verge of spilling down her face. This couldn’t be happening. It was just a bad dream. That’s all. It had to be. She didn’t want to be in a world without her heart. His hand fell on hers and she let out a small sob. All she wanted to do was take his hand and pull him close, but she couldn’t not now. So she settled for leaning forward and pressing a light kiss to the corner of his mouth. “You can’t leave me. Not like this.” The voice of the operator on the other line said they were close and all she could do now was hope they were in time.

He can hear her voice but barely her words. Everything sounded so loud and yet so far away. “Okay,” he mouthed, no sound coming out. He felt her over him, and in his haze, he could see her tears. He wanted to tell her not to cry, that he was fine, but he knew he wasn’t.