"I don't trust men."

Happy Valentines Day! I wrote this for everyone who’s also single and spends the day reading fan fiction like yours truly! This is also dedicated to @thesmutwitch for making my day with her writings and art and also as a way to cheer her up because she recently said she wasn’t feeling well and I remembered her writing a wife kink.

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There is a ton of reasons that Lance loves women. Like, don’t get him wrong! He appreciated all bodies and genders but women were something to be worshipped. One of these reasons was because Mama McClain ain’t raised no Tom fool who jeered at women and treated them like less(his mama would have his head if he ever did that).

The second reason was because women were very well primped with their smooth and soft skin, gentle lips(at least in his encounters) and they just smelled better than any guy Lance had fiddled around with during his experimentation days. Plus, women laughed at his jokes and they were just nice in general if you knew how to properly treat them like the queens they were.

Which is why the current position the paladins of Voltron found themselves in is fucking hilarious.

After getting a distress signal from a distant planet(named U’ndiguru) about galra pillaging their home, the paladins had ran to their lions and destroyed those galra like the badasses they were- okay so maybe Lance and Pidge had gotten thrown around like rag dolls but that’s besides the point -and touched down to see the U’ndigurians.

And let Lance tell ya, the U’ndigurians are something to behold- like god damn! They were all at least as tall as Shiro with skin as pale as snow and as soft looking as baby cow fuzz with bright eyes that looked like pools of ice water from how blue they were.

Most of them wore different colored sashes that looked as soft as their skin but was on the sheer side of things- which wasn’t bad because they all looked like they could bench press Shiro -and see, Lance had thought that when it came time to party that he could score some chicks and retire to the castle for some fun with them. They all looked to be in awe, too, some of the females- and males too -were twirling their long hair and smiling at the paladins…

…until Keith got out of the Black Lion.

Lance can understand why some species freak when they see Keith(one species called the Yalimas could sense his galran Quintessence) because he’s pretty cool looking if he would get rid of that fucking mullet. And he’s the leader of Voltron now so it makes sense that they would be awed by him…but the U’ndigurians just brushed by Allura and she was an Altean princess for Christ’s sake!

They crowded around Keith like there was no such thing as the concept of personal space, tutting and touching his hair, his shoulders, and any piece of skin they have access to. And Keith looks ready to pop a vessel and a few heads of these people, but since he’s the Black Paladin- Keith’s gotta keep his cool and remain calm. And he is.

Until one of the female U’ndigurians speaks.

“The goddess! She has blessed us with the presence of a true princess!” And that’s when Lance and the gang’s mouths collectively close with an audible ‘clack’. Now even Allura looks somewhat horrified by the U’ndigurians’ words.

“What the fuck?!” Okay, and Lance is typically far better eloquently spoken but his brain filter has successfully thrown itself off a bridge in less than 2.5 seconds. Allura can’t even bring herself to glare at him, only stare at Keith’s shocked and gaping form as the U’ndigurians trill a happy song from their throats.

“I’m sorry, but you’ve got to be confused! I-I’m not a princess! I’m a male! I’ve never even been to this planet before! I’m galra!” Yeah Keith is definitely nervous if he’s rambling moreso than Lance himself does, but the U’ndigurians seem confused by his statement, the female from before speaking once again.

“What does male have to do with being a princess? Does there need to be a concept of gender roles like that?” She spoke, her eyes narrowing slightly and arms crossing over the pink sashes that covered her body like a gown of roses. “Royalty can be called any name- we have our queens and princesses, must they be female to fit your sexist tastes?”

So yeah, the U’ndigurians had then taken on the appearance of murderous dieties and every word of protest on the paladins died on their tongues. One, because Allura needed this alliance because the U’ndigurians were as old as the Altean race and remembered the old history. And two, the paladins were tired and didn’t need another fight today. Like even Pidge- who usually looked ready to thrown hands -and Keith- who actually was always ready to throw hands -had sighed and let their arguments die like the galra sentries they took down.

The U’ndigurians had then cheered when Keith had smiled in his awkward and tight lipped way and said ‘no, there doesn’t need to be any roles’ and let them have their way with him, a team of 3 males and 2 females dragging him away while the female from before(they realized she was queen Lianato) cheered with her people and called forth a celebration ‘fit for the gods’.

And let Lance tell you, if you have to go to a party then you have to go to the party described to be fit for the gods.

“I am so grateful for your help today, paladins of Voltron. It’s been chaotic since our protective atmospheric layer was destroyed by the Druids.” Lianato sighed wistfully, her pale hands holding a flute of some sort of champagne like liquid.

Allura seemed to understand, placing a comforting hand on Lianato’s shoulder and making a soothing hum.

“Of course your highness, we are always ready to help those who have been under the tyrannical fists of Zarkon…” Allura seemed to wish to speak more but simply glared subtly as a servant ran over and whispered in Lianato’s ear and caused a bright smile and giggle to trill- yeah trill like a happy cat -from her throat.

“Lovely, Rimnari! Introduce the princess to the court!” Lianato spoke, her gentle tone leaving to something excited like Ronnie when she found a new photo of some hot Hollywood Star. Turning to Allura, the queen spoke once more in her diplomatic tone. “I’m sorry, Princess Allura, but I must head to the center stage while my handservants introduce your black paladin to the court. Excuse me.” She apologized, hurrying off with a few steps that seemed like miles from her gazelle legs.

“Of course.” Allura has replied with a tight smile before she too seemed to drop the formal air and gave a disgruntled sigh. Her hands were thrown up in exasperation and Lance felt pity for her.

He himself was dressed in fine silk robes the U’ndigurians had bestowed to them when the part had begun to be put together. Lance could admire them too, the navy blue color that seemed to swirl with silver stars and a deep crimson trim. The way the silks shifted against his skin and rubbed deliciously like the best bed spread in the world, it was beautiful despite how sheer it was and nearly covered nothing.

“Limas and Igmas of the court! We present the newly born pride of the kingdom, Princess Keith.” It sounds like a bad joke, right? Like something you’d find on tumblr late at night when you’re too bored to do anything else, right? Well it was a joke in a way.

A joke on Lance’s entire view of Keith fucking Kogane.

Gone was the clunky red and white armor the Paladins wore, along with the skin tight black under-suit, instead replaced with beautiful red silks that wrapped tightly around Keith’s form. The sashes spread from shoulder to shoulder, draping across his front like an ‘X’ and revealing the pale skin of his collarbones and where his abs began to melt into his pelvis. From there a large skirt flowed down his legs and trailed across the floor- melting from red to a faded purple with golden trims running across the edges. Miles of pale legs were exposed by a slit on the side that parted with every step like the Red Sea itself. Golden gems and jewelry alike hung to every inch of his body while that god awful mullet had been brushed and curled so it fell just above his shoulders and caressed Keith’s face with inky black strands.

And his face. The apples of his cheek were red with a blush(whether natural or makeup, Lance couldn’t tell), violet eyes downcast as black eyeliner curled from the edges like the end of a swallow tail butterfly’s wing. His plump and pouty lips were painted a subtle red and drawn between his teeth in a show of nerves as Keith kept his hands clasped in front of his body.

It was an absolute joke on Lance’s body and self control. Yeah, he found Keith somewhat attractive before and they grew close enough that Lance wouldn’t be against a relationship with the leader of Voltron. But this image of Keith? Princess Keith? It brought on the desire of having that dress ruined, to have those pale legs covered in bitemarks and bruises, to have Keith’s hair messed up between his fingers and have that beautiful body swallow him up.

It didn’t help that the U’ndigurians were absolutely taken with Keith as well and kept dragging him into dances, offering drinks, and touching him in ways that made Lance want to slap them like his mother did to him when he tried to sneak cookies without her noticing. So it wasn’t until the near end that Lance had caught up with Keith alone from prying eyes.

The black paladin was now clumsier, slightly stumbling in the cherry red stiletto like heels that clung onto his tiny ankles, with a darker blush on his face from intoxication and a dopey smile adorning his pink lips.

Keith didn’t seem to care, however, at his drunken state, leading them further into this maze of lustful pecks and heated gazes(and the actual maze outside the queen’s castle) until they found themselves in a predicament of the century.

Lance panted, fingers bunching up in the silken skirts of the crimson dress and hips bucking up into the molten heat of the black paladin. Keith seemed to enjoy it, hands tangled in Lance’s sex mused hair as he moaned against the red paladin’s ear- sending hot pants of air against chocolate skin and raising goosebumps from beneath the flesh.

“Ah! That’s it! Such a good girl for me.” Lance moaned out, the praise tumbling out without a second thought, causing the Cuban to stiffen in anticipation to a slap that wouldn’t come. Instead, Keith gave a breathy whine with his fists tightening their grasp in Lance’s hair.

“Nnngh! I-I Ah! I’m a g..fuck!…a good girl!” Keith cried out, his hips slamming faster with Lance’s help. Maybe it was because they both were slightly tipsy(okay Keith was wasted) that Keith went along with the praise and word choice…except that Keith had clenched tighter around Lance when he had spoken.

“Y..yeah? M-my pretty l-little girl? Shit! You’re so…mmm..so fucking right, Princess. You’re gonna make me…make me..fuck!” Lance couldn’t even finish, only lean back against the wall of the stone bench and grip tighter at those skirts like they were a lifeline while Keith seemingly chased his own pleasure. Whining and moaning like a porn star as he rode Lance’s cock with wild abandon.

“I-ah-I’m..ah! Im a p-pretty girl! Ha! Ah! Ah! Lance! Nnngh! C-call me p…princess! Ah-again! Please!” Keith was almost crying in his haze of begging, hands reaching up and messing with his own raven locks and tugging roughly while his hole clenched hungrily around Lance’s cock. And when his kitten was begging like that, who was Lance to deny?

“Oh fuck! That’s m…my pretty princess. Shit! Bouncing so…mierda…so prettily on my cock! Huh, sweetheart? I-is that all y-you wanted….to be- oh fuck -be treated like a pretty princess?” Lance was babbling at this point but it seemed to do the trick for Keith- who simply began to scream so beautifully for the man below him. Lance could see the edge of the cliff now, his approaching orgasm begging to happen with consent or not. So Lance had reached for Keith’s dick.

Only to be smacked away quickly.

“I-I w..wanna cum l-ah-like this!” Keith moaned, tears shining in those deep violet abysses and pink lips parted around his gasping moans and sighing whines. Lance actually felt his brain short circuit at that, because Keith felt like he could cum untouched(ego stroke of the century) all from Lance’s dick(another ego boost).

“Nngh, ah…alright princess. C-cum for m-mmm-me pretty g-girl!” Lance growled as he began to thrust up wildly, dragging Keith back down so their bodies met with a wet slap each time until the black paladin was thrashing and positively wailing in pleasure. With a shudder and a silent scream, Keith threw his head back while a dark stain formed on the crimson silks and tightened around Lance until he was almost overwhelmed with the sudden nosedive into orgasm heaven.

It was probably the hardest Lance came in a while, to the point that Lance could feel his cock pulsing as he shot rope after rope of cum into Keith with reckless abandon despite the area they were located and leaving them both boneless.

To be honest, after all that? Definitely going to end up with a talk between Keith and Lance. But now? With Keith a dead weight against his own silk covered chest? Lance could only sigh before leaning back and soothingly whispering to the collapsed male.