Bed-Stuy, Do or Why

Hi.  What a journey you’ve been on.  From the stairwells of Methodist to the (insert current stairwell) now.

Energy.  That’s what the whole thing was about.  I’m not sure what planet you’re from.  But you brought enough gravitational pull with you, that 

Thank you.  I feel like Bill Mazeroski, blubbering his way through his Hall of Fame acceptance speech.  Just, thank you.  Thank you for listening to this crap.

Thank you.  With all the warmth and love and energy that can be represented by the beauty of a garden of warm words and love.  

Thank you.  And also, let me go follow your energy, and go write with loving energy, in other places, so I can come back to this garden and tell you about it,

You are the reason I don’t question democracy.

Not democracy, in this moment.  Any given moment has its flow.  A given moment is not a high tide and a low tide.  Each moment is simply what we are.

So in this moment, we are this.  

We exist as part of a nation, frustrated.  Frustrated that we took the “wheel” of the world in 1945, give or take, and we drove it here.  We drove in the wrong direction -- away from nature, running away from the mistakes already made, thinking that speeding up was our way to fix it.  

We drove away from sacrifice, we drove away from simplicity.  

There was momentum in this direction, after 1945.  It was hard to see a better way.  

Or, maybe it was easy.  But then, those with the best view -- which have always been and will always be those without the blindfold called “power” -- 

Those with the best view were not given a speaker.  No microphone.  No amp, no bass.  

They spoke with their actions.  Their peaceful actions.  

And we made the mistake, collectively and often fearfully, to run away. _____ I do not fear for democracy, this word that in my language means “each voice is given equal ear.”

I look at the energy of the world -- of this biosphere -- and I feel at peace.

Because of you, and because of the energy you have.  The strength you have in your core.

The voice you don’t use, as you listen to a daughter.  As she makes sense of herself.  

The goal is “to make sense of the world” -- I was taught.  But that was never a true goal.  The world will not make sense, from the perspective of one body.  It will only be a backdrop, a set of striped and solid balls that we bounce off of.  

You do not help others make sense of their world.  You help them make sense of themselves -- this thing they would otherwise never see.  Never feel.  You absorb their energy, and you allow for it to be returned to them, without trying to alter it.

You choose to return the parts that are love.  And then they feel their own love, even as they mistakenly see it as yours.  

And then they walk away, knowing they are better than they thought.  Knowing they, too, are love.

_____ This has been my experience, as I have slept under this roof.  As I have learned to allow peace to exist, without trying to make it my peace.

I will never own peace.  This was one of many mistakes.

One of many mistakes from other points in time.  A description of a different level, the tide once sank to.  

Peace, in this moment, has no owner.  

It never has.

I have learned this, and this is why I feel peace.  This is why I feel no fear.  Despite this “volatile” moment, 

which is not the first, and will not be the last.   _____ You are passionate, and there is beauty in that.  Love does not have to be passive.  Love has no preconceived outline.  It’s not defined by anything else.  

I was going to say Love Looks Forward.

I was just writing, and it got deleted.  I was writing something to get my 

blah blah blah

and it reminded me of when you wrote to me

when you wrote about the Bee.

Thank you for writing about the Bee you saw.  

Thank you for introducing me to him. _____ I fly around with these wings quite often, now.  I am learning to trust how wrong that science and math can be.  These wings carry this weight.  And I fly, and fly.

I am a bumblebee.

Thank you for seeing me. _____ I’m sorry was my refrain for years, just presuming that mistakes would happen again and again.  I had bought into the story.  I could not fly.

You soar.  You soar every day.  If Superman stayed inside a living room, he would still be Superman.  He would fly every bit as fast.  He would just have fewer witnesses.  That would be the only difference.

Somewhere, Dragonfly and Ladybug are nodding. _____ I believe our son may be a ladybug.  There are male and female Ladybugs, just like other animals.  Other insects.  Just like butterflies, and dragonflies, and bumblebees.

You have raised an ecosystem, with your love.  With the capital that your family has built up over generations.  You have taken that fruit, extracted the seeds, and planted them into the Earth, with the faith that we will all play our roles.  

Insects we once were, and insects we will be again.  There is a true pride. _____ Thank you, Butterfly.

Thank you for loving this garden.

It feels so good to fly in here.

Love will always be easy to find, in this soil.

I feel four of us here.

Thank you for love

Happy Valentine’s Day

Don’t be a hero. 

You are the star, today.  We will take Noah out with us, on this first Valentine’s Day.  I trust that Ry-Ry will take care of Sissy, and the entire household will be together, on this day of love.

(Okay can I be actually honest for a second?  I forgot how to log in.  that’s how long it’s been.  i’m not making any excuses.  there are no excuses.  but if you needed these at Methodist, then great googly moogly, I’m sure you need them now, too)

I am sitting here, on our sectional couch, feeling much warmer with the socks you got for me.  I am sitting next to your exercise ball, and I feel bad for using it so much. _____ You are Valentine’s Day, for me.  You have the solo throne.  I don’t know if I ever did a Valentine’s Day with anyone, but we are going to blare that speck of dust out, with the supernova of today.