You might be suffering the consequences of long term abuse if:
you feel uncomfortable taking credit for things you did
you feel uncomfortable being praised or complimented, and you feel like sudden expectation or blackmail are coming up afterwards, you need to find intentions behind praise
someone getting mad at you is absolutely terrifying and you’ll do anything to avoid it
you don’t ever feel it’s safe to stand up for yourself, you can predict that even if you did that, ultimately you’d only be punished and hurt even worse, and you can’t risk it
you always analyze every situation with „am I bothering these people? Is my presence a burden to everyone?“ even when you’re with friends or at a place where you were invited
you don’t feel like a part of anything, not your family or your peer group, you worry everyone is going to figure out that you’re out of line trying to pretend to be a part of their group and reject you
you worry that you have no value to anyone and you feel like you need to deserve to be a part of society
you feel inexplicably ashamed of yourself, there are so many situations you can’t talk about, or even think about without feeling overwhelming shame
you keep feeling everything bad that happens is your fault, even for things that aren’t related to you directly, you feel responsible and like you should have done something to prevent it
you feel like everything would be better if only you didn’t exist
you struggled with suicidal thoughts before (or still struggle with them)
you feel like anyone who hurts you is justified in doing so and you deserve to be hurt
you’re terrified of being punished for anything you do, and don’t do, to the point where you paralyze and can’t do things you’re supposed to do at times, because you can’t tell if it’s going to end up in you suffering punishment
you don’t feel comfortable being touched or cuddled, you feel like it makes you weak if you desire it
you don’t feel okay showing big emotions in front of anyone, you feel your feelings in secret, or not at all
nobody knows just in how much pain you are. You don’t show it.
you can tell that even if you did talk to someone about your problems, you’d be accused of exaggerating, asking for attention, faking it, or being weak for not controlling your emotions better
you feel like the dream of a good life, where you’re loved and happy and cherished, is something completely unrealistic and it feels silly to even imagine it, it’s out of reach for you
If it’s only a few you can relate to, they can be caused by outside factors, but if you relate to almost all of these, it’s likely you’ve been living in a situation that is unbearable for human being without severely affecting their personality and mental health. Abuse can cause all of this, and these are not little things, this is lowered quality of life.
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