We Deliver

Kinda crazy how my first cellphone didn't have a camera or internet and 17 years later this thing knows more about me than I do and gives people brand new mental ilnesses.

I wish octopus could learn how to read. They could be pen pals with middle schoolers.

Dearest Samantha, I do not know what a guinea pig is, but it sounds delicious. I hope you have fun devouring it, or playing with it, if that is your preference. Today I hacked a local computer to get more bubbles in my tank and took a photograph of an unsuspecting victim. Do let me know how your human activities are going. And if this "Karen" continues to antagonize your brother, I would suggest smacking her very hard. And do send more canned snacks. Best Wishes, Octopus #5, Monterrey bay research aquarium

I just ate basically uncooked oatmeal and it was pretty good

Me, after coming out of a decade of depression