I'm a mess

Honestly I’m just also mad cuz like my bf has one pic with me on his whole Instagram and he used to have more but he fucking deleted them which makes me sad tbh but idk whatever. And then whenever I’m sad he says something like “I promise I will post a beautiful picture of you on my Instagram” but then he never does, like he hasn’t posted a pic with me since April and he doesn’t really post on Instagram so it’s still the second pic but it still annoys me and every time he’s like “I don’t have any pictures of us, when my brother sends me the camera photos from our Florida trip I promise I will post them” but idk I just feel like dude that was 7 and a half months ago and also the pic he has posted of us together only shows the side of my face and it’s like the ugliest pic he had of me out of all the photos we used to have together on his Instagram and ugh every time I think about the fact that he deleted all the other pics of us makes me so sad and mad and it’s not fair and he also deleted (or maybe privated?) all our pics together on Facebook and removed our relationship status from us profile a while back one time when he got mad at me and I just feel also really sad seeing that bc wtf and he never put it back but he’s on Facebook a lot so that just made me kinda sad too so I took down mine as well cuz I just feel like embarrassed by that and idk it’s just weird cuz like we’re technically married and live together and idk

Bruhhh so today I was looking at who viewed my stories and I saw that fake account that I’m 100% sure belongs to my bf’s ex because it’s a blank account but it’s got a title in Portuguese and it’s only following 10 ppl which includes me and my bf’s ex, so like I went to the fake account and then I clicked on her real account and saw that my bf liked her most recent photo (from September) even though they haven’t been following each other since like January. And I was just like wow ok… and obviously I got mad because that means he searched her profile and purposely liked it, and it was like a thirst trap cuz it was 4 mirror selfies on her in a bralette thing so I was just like wtf and I was in the middle of eating lunch with him so I just stopped talking and then he asked me what’s wrong and I said nothing and he asked again and then I was like “oh I was just looking at who viewed my stories, and then I saw this account, and they follow your ex so I just clicked on her profile and then I saw you liked her photo even though you don’t follow her…” and then he just said “oh I have an explanation. Like a month ago when your ex viewed my tiktok profile, I was a bit mad and saw that you still follow each other on Instagram and you liked all his photos, and around that time we had an argument too so I wanted to get even by liking one of her photos” and I was like huh because he never told me to unfollow my ex, and I definitely didn’t like any of his pics, and I even showed him and he was just like “oh well I thought you did. But I was just mad because during the argument you said I was a toxic person, so I just did something small back without actually hurting you because I thought you wouldn’t see it” and idk I was just feeling weird it’s like I’m lowkey traumatized by the shit my ex would do so I don’t like seeing that, but I also try not to get super pissed about Instagram likes cuz I know that’s toxic too. And then I was just curious so I started looking at the accounts of girls he dated before me and I saw that this Brazilian girl who he was briefly dating in Brazil before he moved here (they weren’t in a relationship but the girl was like obsessed with him cuz she’s was always commenting compliments and hearts under his pics even after he ended things and moved to the US, and was even still trying to contact him when we first started dating and she also even had a bf at that time) and I saw he literally likes every pic she posts and I felt kind of annoyed, and I saw another girl that he hooked up with a couple times in NY before he met me and he had also liked her most recent pic which was from July. So now I’m just feeling a little sad

I have a friend in my anthro class who is always late or missing class and like attendance is mandatory cuz all the work is done in class since it’s a lab, and like I struggle being a little late sometimes but lately I’ve been good about being on time. But anyway, like I was in another class with her last year (with the same professors) and she was missing class a lot and I remember she told me she has endometriosis so the main reason she missed class was because she was having bad pain and I feel like that’s understandable but she ended up dropping the class and I don’t know why but I think it was cuz she missed two tests and did poorly cuz she missed the lessons, and I also think the professors suggested that she wasn’t gonna pass. But this time around I’m not sure if it’s the same reason for missing class but also she’s usually really late and I don’t know why especially because she told me she has in person classes on campus before this class so like you’d think the days that she’s here she’d be on time but idk. But like she got the flu this week and she asked me to tell the professors that’s why she’s not there and then today she showed me she got an email from them saying if she misses class once more this semester she’s gonna fail and I feel bad for her but I also understand why the professors are saying that cuz she has missed like half of the classes and all the work is in the class since it’s all physical projects, and the class is also divided into 3 groups that we do all the projects with and I have heard her group members complain that she’s never here or like that she’s super late so she missed the assignment explanation.

Damnnn I’m so torn cuz my new friends from college are having a Halloween party on Saturday and I wanna go cuz I wanna get closer with them but my friend/old roommate texted me saying that our friends that we spent last Halloween with are also gonna be having a party on Saturday and it’s like I don’t know all the details cuz I was asking him and our other former roommate if they wanna do anything for Halloween and he said “party at Dee’s on Saturday” but didn’t give me any more details lmfao like where his apartment is (cuz he just moved, all I know is he lives in Brooklyn) or like what time to get there or if I can bring my bf (I’m assuming yes because he’s come to their parties before but just wanna check) and also like my old roomie just told me about not our friend who is actually hosting the party (but like I became friends with this guy through my former roomie cuz they were friends in high school so it’s pretty normal for me to get the invite through my roomie) so I just lowkey got my anxiety telling me what if that falls through?? Even tho they’re my friends I haven’t been able to hang out with them recently most cuz my old roomie moved back to his parents house in Long Island so we can’t go out that much. Also I know he lives in Brooklyn which is hella far from my apartment and I have work at 11am the next day so I lowkey don’t wanna get too fucked up or stay out too late, but I love hanging out with them and I really miss them a lot so I wanna go