Personal Blog

like a cat sleeping in the corner of a room but knows it's safe with you there

I tried a lot of things to be out of the way, be the good kid, not cause problems, and I remember being salty about my brothers going off to college and getting money from my parents for it. I was like "I've been saving you money by not going. where's my money??" but I also know that's very entitled of me

Idk why but I'd always be attentive to if they called dme. Hear who's was walking down the hallway, have one headphone/earbud in so if they called my name i could answer, half hear the plans for the day/week so they didn't have to tell it to me more than once

also the fact that I would always be the person walking in the grass in the friend group, that or just walking behind everyone not being a part of the conversation, last to be picked for teams, isolated from everyone else when I wanted to do something slightly different t

idk. I'm half drunk right now so maybe this is just stupid

also I don't remember my family ever really initiating hugs beyond greetings or departures. I always liked hugs but I always had to initiate with my parents, and my one brother never respected boundaries so fuck him no hugs for him

These days tho living alone is fine I just have no one physically present in my.life beyond people I work with. And that definitely doesn't count

I'm at the point sometimes where I wanna ghost people and see who actually reaches out. Ik my mom would cause she's slightly paranoid about all that and always has to text me goodnight and have me respond (she just likes to know I'm alive)