Yo

by pandemoniumfire on dA!

=====

Just add your name in the correct spots and answer the questions. Best filled out with two or more characters but a few word changes can be made for a single character.

Enjoy

Good afternoon and welcome to The Chair where we interview a select few at 5pm, everyday. So far Mortala Gerastelda has been interviewd by Sheketai-Pixels; TheULTImateAngel talked to Makiel Golhen; we had Fantine with BadRexus; were graced by Evangeline and Hartling; we spoke to Nicolai with Dezzoi and last week we met with The Pack and pandemoniumfire. This week we shall be interviewing a [group names here] with myself, :dev[name]:.

[Q.01] [name]: Let's start with the basics, could you introduce yourselves please?

Pat is slouched comfortably in his chair, coat rumpled, patting his pockets with his ring-laden fingers. Ash is sat next to him also in human form, poised in his chair, legs crossed with his ankle on one knee. He appears as an unshaven black-haired caucasian man in his early 30's, wearing an unbuttoned black suit with a white shirt and no tie. his eyes are the same pale yellow and dark red as his demon form and he's wearing an expensive-looking gold watch.

Pat: *pulls out a rolled cigarette stub and jams it in his mouth, jerking a thumb over at the other demon* I'm Pat, that's Ash.

Ash: *turns and glares at Pat a moment then turns away again* My NAME is Corinsor. If you call me Ash I will make you regret it.

[Q.02] [name]: Would you mind giving us some insight into your names?

Pat: Ash is a perfectly suitable name, you should stick with it.

Ash: *tilts his head and ignores him* A demon's name is earned through power. I am no longer "Ash" to those who know what I am.

Pat: *lighting his cigarette, cupping his hands as if he is holding a lighter, but there is nothing there except the flame* Keep telling yourself that, kiddo.

Ash: *grits his teeth and doesn't look at him* Hêjepat is... an exception.

Pat: Oh, yeah, right, that's my like uhh full name. I suppose I should say that too, heh. No insights or anything there, it's just what I'm called. You can just call me Pat. :)

[Q.03] [name]: Interesting. Now is there an outspoken leader among you or are you all equals?

Pat: Heheheheh

Ash: *narrows his eyes and says nothing*

[Q.04] [name]: Could you give us a little detail about your relationships with each other please?

Pat: *turns to Ash and idly puffs a breath of smoke in his direction with a smile* What would you say, what's our relationship?

Ash: *doesn't look at him, taps his fingers on the arm of his chair* We are both demons... demons can be connected in many ways.

Pat: *gives a heavy giggle* We've certainly connected in a few ways, for sure, for sure...

Ash: *turns to him and leans closer, over the side of his chair* Our relationship is a connection of POWER, power we share, power that binds us together...

Pat: *looks at Ash with focus for the first time and smiiiiles*

[Q.05] [name]: I'm sure the viewers are curious, but do any of you have a close relationship, a lover, with the group or outside of the group?

Pat: *reaches over to Ash and brushes his jawline with the back of his many-ringed hand* Well this one... wants to stick his big red cock in me more'n anything else in the world.

Ash: *shoves Pat's hand off and leans away again, but he doesn't respond and his glowing eyes are sullen*

Pat: *waves his hand dismissively as he turns away* But y'know, y'can't ask a demon who he loves, right? That's practically an oxymoron. What's a demon got to do with love? I meet guys like him every place I go and I got a lot of friends, but you can bet you can search for five millennia and find not a tiddy bit of "love" in any one of 'em.

[Q.06] [name]: Do you plan on marrying, if you haven't already, and having kids?

Pat: pahhHAH!

Ash: *rolls his eyes*

Pat: Oh I got kids, boy fucking howdy do I got kids! I got kids like you wouldn't believe!

Ash: He is literally called the Mother of Ten Thousand.

Pat: I'm pretty sure I got more than that at this point, that's a nice title but it's way outta date.

Ash: Marriage isn't... a thing demons do. *there is a slight uncertainty in his voice*

Pat: Only if we're making fun of it. "Sacred bonds" isn't really something a demon ever wants to hear, heheh.

[Q.07] [name]: You don't have to answer this if you don't want to but… Are you straight, gay or bi?

Ash: *smirks* I take what I desire... Men, women, demons... it makes no difference.

Pat: Kind of a tricky question to answer, cuz demons don't really play by those rules. Me personally, I like getting fucked hard n' rough, doesn't really matter what's on the end of it.

Ash: *gives him a looong look, tapping his nails on the arm of the chair*

[Q.08] [name]: I hope the viewers were listening. So, do any of you have an idol, or a being you look up to?

Pat: False idols eh? Very nice. *he chuckle-wheezes at his own joke*

Ash: No.

[Q.09] [name]: Perhaps you're an idol to someone else? Do you have any fangirls or fanboys?

*the two demons settle comfortably in their chairs and exchange a smirk*

Pat: Yeah that's kinda the whole thing about Hell. If you're on top, everyone wants a piece of the pie, so you get a lot of hangers on.

Ash: We are both lords of many vassals, useful wretches who do as they're told.

Pat: *turns and looks intently at Ash with one eyebrow raised, tone light but his lazy smile has disappeared* Oh you're a lord, now?

Ash: *meets his fixed gaze for a tense beat, then casts his eyes downward* ...I misspoke.

Pat: *draws on his cigarette and smiles, exhaling smoke as he languidly turns away* Uh-huh. I figured.

[Q.10] [name]: Let's tone it down. Do you have any friends and who many, if you don't mind me asking?

Pat: I got a lot of friends, I do a lot of business, you know how it goes. Anyone can be my friend, I'm a friendly guy :)

Ash: Call them what you like, allies and business partners are not FRIENDS.

Pat: Potato potahto. You're just pissed cuz you couldn't make a friend if they were giving them away for free, heheh.

Ash: *leaning over and hissing between his teeth* Nobody associates with me because any time I'm approached, it's because they want me to introduce them to YOU...

Pat: *eyes gleam as he looks very amused* Is that so? And whadda ya tell em?

Ash: I tell them to fuck off, obviously.

Pat: Suure ya do. I'm guessing a good chunk of em ain't the kind of demon a little shit like you can tell to fuck off. At least, not without unpleasant consequences. *he wheezes smoky laughter*

Ash: *glowers and turns away, digging his nails into the arms of his chair hard enough to make it creak*

[Q.11] [name]: So, do you have any abilities or powers. Anything that makes you different from the population?

Ash: *rolls his eyes and sneers* I am a demon.

Pat: *flatly* Duke of Hell.

[Q.12] [name]: Seems a bit Mary-Sue, if you know what I mean.

Pat: Well I prefer "Pat" but if you insist... :3c

Ash: *glowers contemptuously and says nothing*

[Q.13] [name]: A quick question. Do you think any of you could win a fight against a strong wrestler?

Ash: *tilts his head back and smirks* Easily. I am far stronger than any human, living or dead.

Pat: *chuckles*

Ash: Is that funny to you?

Pat: *both nods and shakes his head solemnly* Oh, perish the thought. You're absolutely correct and I'm sure they're all very impressed.

[Q.14] [name]: Back on topic now, do any of you have family, alive or dead?

Pat: Heh, it's kinda funny actually... You ever thought about how we're both technically first generation demons, Ash Boy? Now that's ironic.

Ash: ...Of course I have.

Pat: *picking idly at his coat* You had parents as a mortal soul, o' course. Y'ever wonder what happened to em? If they're.. *he jerks his finger upward* up there or.. *he jerks his thumb downwards and smirks at Ash* down there... Maybe I've attended to em personally. Maybe you have too.

Ash: *leans over at Pat with a calm sneer, unruffled* Are you ever going to get tired of that? I do not remember them, and even if I did I would not care.

Pat: *leans into him as well, smirking. a line of slivery liquid metal runs from between his teeth and down his chin* Oh I know. Gotta love a cold-hearted bitch.

*the two demons stare intently into each other's eyes*

[Q.15] [name]: Oh? How about pets?

Pat: *still staring at Ash, he reaches over and grabs his chin and waggles it* Mmmm, this one counts.

Ash: *makes an angry noise and pulls away*

[Q.16] [name]: Entertaining. Would you mind sharing your dislikes with the viewers?

Ash: I dislike when this PESTILENCE *he turns and spits the word at Pat, waving his hand curtly* ...calls me a pet. I have fought my way to where I am, and I have soared from the dirt of my origins.

Pat: Rose from the ash, y'might say. Like some kinda ash boy.

Ash: Shut up!

Pat: *burbling giggles*

[Q.17] [name]: What about your fears?

Pat: Demons tend to be pretty simple about what scares us. If it's gonna hurt us; well, that's scary! Not much more to it than that.

Ash: *is conspicuously silent*

Pat: ...what, you don't agree?

Ash: Maybe it is simple when you're at the top...

Pat: *crosses his arms, leans back as his eyes gleam at Ash* No... Don't tell me ya didn't burn out all your existential terror on the way down? Plagued by the nature of man? Scraps of ennui, still hanging on? Why you poor little thing...

Ash: *gives him a withering glare* Don't be stupid. Of course not. I am only saying that a lord like you cannot understand what it means to fight for your place in Hell, to be forced to beat the respect you deserve into every demon you encounter, simply because of the circumstances of your creation... The high and mighty nobility do not know how to fear, they have never needed to. *he spits this last part*

Pat: *eyes literally glowing with interest as he watches Ash* Hmm...

[Q.18] [name]: Is there anything you like?

Pat: I like people. I'm a people guy! :)

[Q.19] [name]: How about your worst habits, or perhaps those next to you?

Ash: *smirks* Hêjepat's worst habit is deliberately provoking demons more powerful than him into fucking him.

Pat: *holds up his hands and draws back* Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey excuse me, Mr. Pot, the kettle finds that very offensive!

Ash: Are you saying this is a trait I share? Because that's ridiculous.

Pat: *grins so wide two lines of liquid metal roll down his chin and a third from his eye* Oh, Ash Boy... I've experienced it first hand.

Ash: *his face goes slack and he turns away, putting a hand to his mouth*

[Q.20] [name]: Here's a darker question. Have you ever hurt anyone, in any way, before?

Pat: *bends forward, wracked with wheezing laughs*

Ash: *crosses his legs again and leans back in his chair, steepling his fingers with a cold smile* I assume these questions were not written specifically with demons in mind.

[Q.21] [name]: I apologies if this is personal, but have any of you killed someone, or thing?

Pat: *shaking off the last few giggles, wiping his eyes* Ahh... Eheheh. Well, probably fewer than you'd think.

Ash: Demons, yes.

Pat: Oh, yeah, demons of course, tons of em, but that doesn't count I mean we ain't really alive, are we? I mean people, living souls, that kinda thing. Killing's always on the table, obviously, but it's not generally your best option. Personally I always avoid it, if I can.

[Q.22] [name]: Again, I'm sorry for asking. Let's move back to basics, shall we? What are each of you? Humans, beasts, spirits or an unknown minority?

Pat: *waves his hand about* Ehhh we already answered this. Movin' on.

[Q.23] [name]: In a general sense, what is the colour of your hair, skin, scales, feathers or other type of body colouring? Any particular markings?

Ash: You have eyes, do you not?

Pat: Hey hey, don't upset the meta narrative now, we're just gonna politely ignore that fourth wall that just popped up there and carry on.

[Q.24] [name]: Importantly, I suppose not so important if you lack eyes, but what colour are your eyes?

Ash: *points to his eyes with great sarcasm. they have pale yellow irises and dark red sclera*

Pat: Well I got these yellowy ones, they're pretty nice, but this whole thing's technically just a, y'know, a costume. *he gestures to his body* My real eyes look like this. *he points to one eye, a flush of hard dark red skin goes across his face and the eye he points to puckers inwards into a dark empty socket, a mote of white light smouldering deep in its center. a gout of liquid metal spills over the lip of the socket and down his face, splattering onto his chest with a faint hiss as he grins, his teeth a little too long. he stops pointing at it and his face clears and reverts to the way it was previously, but not before the air is filled with a faint chemical stench*

[Q.25] [name]: This might seem a little silly, but if you wear clothes or accessories, what do you usually steer towards?

Pat: *pats and flaps his beaten up coat, flashing his grimy vest* Ehh y'know, this n' that, nothing pretentious.

Ash: *raises an eyebrow and adjusts his gold watch* When we take a human form, we can look like anything we wish. Hêjepat chooses to look like a filthy vagrant.

Pat: Yup! *he gives a thumbs up, his many odd rings gleaming*

Ash: *brushes his black leather shoe with a hand* I have a little more taste.

[Q.26] [name]: Do anyone of you have a religion or belief?

*there is an awkward silence between the two demons, which stretches out a little too long*

Pat: Bit of an odd question to answer, that, isn't it? From a demon perspective.

Ash: ...I suppose you could say we ARE the religion?

Pat: No, oh no absolutely not.

[Q.27] [name]: Nearly at the end, anything you would like to comment about at this point?

Pat: *puts out his cigarette on the arm of his chair* I would like to say that I think you've been doing very well so far, askin' all these questions. That's gotta be a hard gig! Being a nameless formless interviewer... Do you have any nameless formless friends?

[Q.28] [name]: This should be an easy question. Where do you all live?

Ash: Here? Nowhere. I need no sleep, no food, I can be wherever I please.

Pat: That's not where you live though is it.

Ash: *tilts his head, brushing his hair out of his face* I live in my palace in The Soot Fingers. I took it from its previous owner, the demon Karankor, who ruled the territory before I ripped off his head and ate his heart.

Pat: Had a little help though didn't you? Heheheh...

Ash: *glares at him*

Pat: *ignores him* Me, well, I'm kinda like a snail: I'm at home wherever I am, cuz I'm carrying my home with me! Me n' the Wandering Waste are one and the same. Big flat place I like to walk around. You should visit, I just love guests!

[Q.29] [name]: What is your status or rank there? It can just be in general.

Pat: Man, we're gettin' a lot of repeats, huh? Like I said, I'm a duke of Hell, and the Waste is me so of course I'm the lord of it.

Ash: I am making a name for myself. I am not the lord of the Soot Fingers yet but...

Pat: *grins lazily at him* Ohh? Aiming for ol' Sir Eshk? She'll rip you to itsy bitsy pieces, y'know.

Ash: Obviously not YET... *he tilts his chin up* But I grow stronger every day. She won't hold her perch forever.

Pat: *chuckles wetly* Can't wait to see THAT....

[Q.30] [name]: Really? If you could change anything about yourself, or perhaps another, what would it be?

Ash: I am always, constantly changing. Every strength I gain shows itself on my body... *he flexes an arm admiringly, stretching the dark fabric of his suit over taut muscles beneath*

Pat: Yeah yeah yeah, babies grow fast, we get it.

Ash: *narrows his eyes at him and bares his teeth*

Pat: *leans over at Ash* How 'bout I give this one to you? What would you change about me? *he leans his chin on a hand and bats his eyelashes*

Ash: Make you less fucking ugly for one thing.

Pat: Heheheh, oh stop. ...No don't, tell me more~

Ash: *leans in by Pat's face and hisses* I would give you an agreeable and obedient personality, such that you fold beneath me and become my lordly breeding bitch...

Pat: *enjoying this immensely, eyes gleaming* Mmmm, really? I think you LIKE that I make you squirm like the dirty little worm you are.

Ash: *snatches Pat's collar and snarls, eyes narrowed to glowing slits*

Pat: *pushes him away effortlessly with a giggle* Uh-uh, it's question time now kiddo.

[Q.31] [name]: Here's the million dollar question. What would you do with that much money, any currency?

Pat: *dips into a pocket and produces a 100 USD note, he blows it into the air, and it incinerates in flame like flash paper* Ironic, ain't it? A powerful enough demon can make money outta nothing, as much as he wants... if only we had anything to spend it on.

Ash: *still sullen from being thrown off before* In the living world money can buy people, loyalty, prestige. You are being absurd.

Pat: I ain't. Sure, money's a useful tool and all, but have you ever thought to yourself "man, I wish I had some money right now"?

Ash: ...No.

Pat: See. 

[Q.32] [name]: What are your thoughts on pie?

Pat: It's fine.

Ash: I do not remember human food and I am not interested in it now.

[Q.33] [name]: Alright. What's your favourite food?

Pat: I've eaten a few kids I might have enjoyed a little too much on the way down... *he wheezes with cackling laughter*

Ash: *sneers* Demons do not need food.

[Q.34] [name]: What about your favourite drink?

Pat: I like whiskey cuz you can hold it in your hand for a long time and nobody bothers you about it. I also like to order the worst thing I can think of just to watch a bartender's face, heheh.

[Q.35] [name]: What's your favourite place?

Pat: Gotta admit, I do love being at home. Seems a little egotistical to say, since home is me and I am home but hey, what's a demon without a little narcissism?

Ash: I also enjoy my palace. It is a physical testament to my triumph, I mark my achievements just by walking its halls.

Pat: It's a great big empty shithole. Most of Karankor's followers beat it when you took over cuz they could tell you were weaker than him.

Ash: *glares sharply at Pat* Fuck you! *he slams his fist on the arm of the chair, breaking off the end of it. he's lost his human form slightly, with his skin turned grey and his horns sweeping back from his forehead, feathers bristling through the back of his suit* That is NOT true. Many of them saw my strength, and rightfully served me for it!

Pat: *slides his gaze over to Ash* Not true? Don't you give me "not true", I should take offense to that. You and all your little guys are rattling around in there like a buncha bugs in a warehouse; call me a liar again, I fucking dare you.

Ash: *fumes, but says nothing*

[Q.36] [name]: How about your least favourite place?

Ash: I hate Hêjepat's domain. It is nothing but gravel and boredom.

Pat: Whoa, harsh? Maybe you just ain't seeing its ~subtle majesty~  *he puts a hand on his chest and simpers*

Ash: You call my palace a shithole and tout your honesty, yet you cannot admit your own blasted field of nothing is far more of a shithole... I see...

Pat: Oh it's a shithole, but it's MY shithole, that's a huuuuge difference. Everyone has a shithole, after all. *he giggles*

Ash: *sneers* Ah yes, that must be the subtle majesty right there. How could I have missed it?

Pat: *leans over at him, resting his chin on his hand* Awwhh... I like when you get sassy, Ash Boy.

Ash: *leans in as well, gritting his teeth* And I HATE when you call me that...

[Q.37] [name]: Are you happy about the interview coming to an end?

Pat: *has reached over and hooked one of his ringed fingers into Ash's collar, playing with it* Oh? Question time over already? Well, well, how about that.

Ash: *grips Pat's wrist and sneers at him with lecherous contempt, the chair creaking as he gets closer to his demonic form, gaining mass and size and his suit shifting towards red raiments trimmed with gold, brown feathered wings curving from his back*

Pat: *makes a vague shooing gesture without taking his eyes off Ash* Alright kiddies, run along now. I think Ash Boy here has a few things on his mind he'd like to say to me... off the record.