I am very much fond of S1x20 overall but mostly because I finally got a chance to see this version of Lucy.
I loved the bullpen scene in particular because that's the first time Lucy had ever shown her vulnerability in front of Kate after the breakup, instead of THE Lucy who's always hiding behind her grumpy and cranky masks which not only made her look bad, but also somehow tend to mislead the audience that she is immature while in the relationship.
And yes, I do aware that we tend to project and choose our favor while watching the show which normally leads to different interpretations. That's what the #Kacy fandom has been thru right now, no right or wrong, just different preferences. Do believe me, my heartfelt ached for #Kacy when the whole drama kicked in and turn their world upside down but I do need to admit that I felt more sympathy towards Lucy...Maybe was because I saw a lots of Whistler’s Army floated on my SM TL offering "protection/comforting" to Kate, but with so little who will try to rationalize/understand why’s Lucy such a behavior.
In my own humble POV, here are some of my random thought post S1x20 on #Kacy, but mainly on Lucy:
1.Lucy is in the denial stage, as much as she is still madly in love with Kate but she is unable/afraid to talk herself out of her fears of exposing her vulnerable and letting Kate into her "life" once more despite Kate's apology/tolerance attempts;
2. Kate turned down the promotion so to stay close to her would definitely be a huge sacrifice that Lucy was unable to bear because, at this point in time, In Lucy's thoughts, she was unable to return such an amount of love and favor to Kate since she was not supposed to be in love with Kate anymore, hence the past tense "loved" stepped into the picture, which Lucy struggles a little trying to blindfold Kate once more；
3. Shutting Kate down over and over again is because Lucy probably knows that she will definitely break for whatever Kate is about to say and be vulnerable again, in front of Kate. So she was just being passive by lashing out at Kate due to all those emotional mixtures and also maybe subconsciously trying to push Kate far away so that she could be suppressed her feeling toward Kate a little bit easier;
4. Not because the Kahuna thingy really works on Lucy but try to date again so that she could swift her attention away from Kate;
Building walls up on protecting ourselves are always much easier than letting people get inside us. For me, I just think that, while dealing with love/hate, there are not many people who can really handle it with calm and rationally especially when feelings still lingered and stayed strong.
it might look ugly but that's how it is, when love nor hate involved.
Lucy was not as extrovert as we have seen, and definitely not as strong as we had seen as well, at least emotionally. She only shows what she wishes to show and keeps loads by herself.
In conclusion, I need #Kacy's reconciliation but not necessary to get back together immediately, I need #Kacy to be open and truthful with each other and continue to grow individually and also as a whole. They can take time to work things thru, as long as they ended up being together at the end of the day.
And of cause, I wish #NCISHawaii will continue to deliver a healthy and positive wlw relationship portrayed and the meanwhile give us more of #Kacy's backstory in S2.
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