heart notes 💌

Grief made me humble more than love ever did.

Trauma gives you two choices: either you become something you hated once, or break the pattern and become something you always wanted to be.

And that's what trauma does to you, it makes you become something you once already hated.

Pretending to not look back while rotting inside has to be the most horrifying feeling. Sometimes going back is human, but pretending not to— kills you from inside.

Grief has a way of flooding my heart.

Everything feels beautiful and worthy with you, but at the same time sometimes I never wanna see you again.

I am always stuck between what I wanted to say but didn't and said something I never wanted to say.

Sometimes the more you provide love and warmth to someone life always returns you with a little bit of more grief.

I want someone to call me "ineffable" which means too beautiful to be described in words. How fascinating that would be! Every time they would want to describe me, they would stumble due to lack of words, but they would still continue to 'try' to describe me. Because they wanted to.

Nowadays I frequently have dreams about you, but once I wake up I almost forget what I even dreamt of, the only thing I remember is you were there, and the feeling I got. In dreams we are always together.

So what you couldn't show up like them? So what you need more time to heal? So what you kept spiralling and cried yourself to sleep? You are still brave in your own billion little ways. Remember, there are people who don't even try.

And when you love me, know that love ain't a performance for me. Don't perform in front of me. Be real, be raw, be authentic as much as you can. Love me in such a way that everything feels natural to you, oh! Even when you drive miles just to come and see me may that be raw urge and love.

You were such an odd thing in my life. Nobody pushed me away and pulled me closer more than you.

And on days when I am incapable of tolerating even my own heart, I wish to have someone who knows how to handle me, how to handle my soul, and not treating me a burden but like a soft and delicate flower.

How long do I have to wait till I don't need to wait anymore?

Some people don't open their hearts, clearly because they don't know how to, they have neither been taught before nor they tried because they felt stuck, and when they finally do, they realise why they didn't in the first place.

Silence was never hopeful