organized chaos.

Time to move on

Instead of reminiscing about the past

I knew it would never last

We were moving kinda fast

I knew it was too good to be true

You have no one to talk to. It seems like everyone's asleep.

You want to cry but no tears come out.

You want to scream but no sound comes out.

You lie awake in the darkness waiting for sleep to subdue your thoughts.

You endlessly open, close, open, close, open, scroll through, and close your apps.

You are numb;

But you feel everything at once - a million thoughts running through your mind.

You wait for it to stop. You pray for it to end.

‪he was the one I wanted to do cute shit with.‬

‪he was the one I pictured having kids with. ‬

‪he was the one I "felt it in my gut" with. ‬

I still think about you sometimes. I miss you. And I wonder if you're ever thinking about me too. I miss us. You were my best friend. I was completely myself around you, and I miss that.

A lot has changed. I'm a different person. I wish I could tell you about all those things. I wish I could hear about your day... your life. But I don't know if it's for the best. What if it still hurts? I think I've moved on. But there are days/nights like this where I miss you like crazy and I wish we never drifted.

I hope you're doing well. I really, truly, loved you, and I hope you know that.

Best,

The beginning of this year was terrible. I was a complete mess. I hated life, myself, everything. I was the most depressed I had ever been. 

But I’m starting to feel content and happy again. 

I feel like myself again. 

That makes me smile

That makes my heart happy

That loves my quirks

That puts up with my antics

That makes me be a better person

That holds me tight and never lets go

That makes me believe in love again

I'm so upset Erin is leaving. The show's not gonna be the same without her. She was my favorite. I'm seriously going to miss her.