Dissertation Confessions

PhD student #1: “How are you? How are things going?”

PhD student #2: “Awesome! Things are great. I presented at this super prestigious conference last week. I’m also finishing up this very important article that will totally be accepted by a well-known journal. I have four grant applications on the go, writing them is so much fun, I am totally going to win at least half of them, because why wouldn’t I? I’m special. I met so and so at some swanky and totally exclusive event (you obviously weren’t there) and now I basically have a job lined up post-completion, never mind that like, no university is really hiring full-time tenured positions in abundance anymore. Teaching is going so well, my students love me and I definitely know each and every one of their names. Oh, and I definitely got hired on that fancy project everyone wants a piece of even though it pays practically nothing and it will totally delay my own research and my own completion. I’m super busy and important! Everything’s good!”

How come in academia how you are doing is measured by how much you have accomplished/how busy you are?

How come in academia talking about feelings, emotions, how you are actually doing (I’m scared. I’m afraid. This is really hard. I’m struggling. I feel depressed. I can’t do this. I feel so alone. I’m isolated. This isn’t fun.) is like some taboo subject no one wants to touch?

Not talking about real experiences and struggles creates a toxic culture of fear and shame in academic environments. 

Everyone walking around pretending everything is sunshine and rainbows, that no struggle exists, that things are not just easy, but AWESOME, creates an environment in which when you are actually really and truly struggling, you feel completely alone and isolated and like you are the only one who is feeling that way and therefore there is something wrong with you.

And it stigmatizes those who are brave enough to say “hey, this is hard and I need some help” as weak.