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I just want to be normal.

I thought I was doing ok. I thought I was over it. Of course, one innocent message messes everything up.

Why can’t I get through a single day without crying?

Not a sad thing (well I guess kinda since it took so long, but eh), but I watched a tiktok video recently and that was the first time I understood that I have an auditory processing disorder. The person explained so clearly that I actually know now that when my hearing goes “blurry” (idk the word), it’s my auditory processing not working. It’s not just something that only I deal with.

One thing I see way to often is people blaming the bullying victim for being bullied. Like I think on tiktok there was an audio going “you weren’t bullied for no reason, you were bullied because you did ______” or whatever. It’s a stupid audio that I actually hate, and made me ask myself what did I do wrong to deserve being bullied. The thing is sometimes it is for no reason, or some dumb one like being the new kid (though I was the new kid in grade three and was bullied up until high school). And that audio described the bullies more than me. It was somebody who bullied me who introduced me to anime. It was somebody who bullied me who helped me figure out my sexuality. Like I can’t think of a reason that made me an outcast in my own class for so many years. Another thing being the bully is probably bullied at home... but the bullies all had pretty great lives, and anything bad that did happen to them happened after they had been bullying me. I’m not saying something couldn’t have happened before I ever met them, I’m just saying that none of the stereotypical reasons that everyone seems to believe are always accurate.