some of my thoughts and feelings may not be based in or entirely compatible with reality.

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@disquiet-dream
some of my thoughts and feelings may not be based in or entirely compatible with reality.

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yeah, me
the only real surprise re: me becoming a mage the ascension guy is that i didn't do it sooner
it's. kind of so obviously my thing.
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i love that serina is the blueprint all spec evo projects that aren't copying all tomorrows use cause it means every seed world goes like this
year 1: humans have seeded the world of Lupus Lazuli with three breeds of dogs (chihuahuas, english cocker spaniels, and tibetan mastiffs) along with a handful of prey species we won't get into
year 200 million: chihuahuas have adapted to subterranean lifestyles, where they compete with evil rabbits for food
yeah 250 million: the dog caliph makes contact with an elder god who teaches him about global warming

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i mean either i'm just not able to be happy or i've just happened to be in situations that make me want to die for my entire life
but even in the latter case surely this is long enough to understand this is just what life is and react appropriately?
like. at a point it's just not reasonable to hold onto hope for anything else. it's foolishness for the sake of foolishness.
my life hasn't even been that bad, it's like a C- tier life at worst
i mean either i'm just not able to be happy or i've just happened to be in situations that make me want to die for my entire life
but even in the latter case surely this is long enough to understand this is just what life is and react appropriately?
like. at a point it's just not reasonable to hold onto hope for anything else. it's foolishness for the sake of foolishness.
idk
there's not much negative feeling left but i do feel empty in the way that has me going "maybe i should just kill myself and be done with it" over and over
really annoying when i try and watch a movie or something to pass the time and try and fix my emotions and the whole time it's kinda just
"oh, this makes me feel nothing at all. damn."
i can feel where the emotions are supposed to be but that's about it
really annoying
got 30 minutes into a 2 hour 30 movie and the only feeling i had left was "there's another 2 hours of this...?"
guess i'll try again later
oh well

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really annoying when i try and watch a movie or something to pass the time and try and fix my emotions and the whole time it's kinda just
"oh, this makes me feel nothing at all. damn."
i can feel where the emotions are supposed to be but that's about it
really annoying
really annoying when i try and watch a movie or something to pass the time and try and fix my emotions and the whole time it's kinda just
"oh, this makes me feel nothing at all. damn."
guy who plays albums on mute, it was never really about sound for him as much as feeling a sense of progression through a series of named durations
"stress" by yoan capote - made of bronze and concrete
I usually hate it when my thoughts start running into to each other and dissolving and generally becoming incomprehensible but this time it's preventing any coherent negative thoughts from forming so it's maybe better
could actually be making it worse (negative feeling with no ability to rationalize it) but at least it is different
still not pleasant though I must admit

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Season 5 of the Magnus Archives did have the funniest bit of fandom reaction I've ever gotten to see in real time, though - everyone turning on the fun quirky embodiment of delirium who traps her victims in an endless maze of identical doors and hallways until they entirely lose their minds because, horror of horrors, she was a Tory.
It did absolutely feel like when it came to Helen, people were applying the βNight Vale lens,β where you elide a characterβs patent moral atrocities (because they arenβt meant to be taken that seriously beyond the immediate gag) in favor of litigating the more relatable interpersonal drama they get involved in- except they were doing it in a series where convincing you to elide the patent moral atrocities of the characters you like is an intended part of the trap. Furthermore, the specific handling of Helen in S5 felt a lot like it was in direct conversation with that audience reaction, possibly having anticipated it, possibly being in reaction to it. But it felt to me like they were very pointedly going,Β βYou get that weβre not Night Vale, right?β
there should be like secret extra editions of dnd that wotc denounces as false like christian apocrypha
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